


A Reversal Of Fortune

by LittlePhee



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: 1800s, 1886-1940ish, Alternate Universe, Aro's a douche, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Don't worry, F/M, Family, Fluff and Angst, It'll be cute tho, Like it's gonna take at least 40 years, No Renesmee Cullen, No weird hole in heart situation though, Past Edward Cullen/Bella Swan, Slow Burn, Southern Vampire Wars, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, like a VERY slow burn, like a lot of pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:40:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 54,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25203343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittlePhee/pseuds/LittlePhee
Summary: When disaster strikes and the Volturi falls, Aro is forced to use his final advantage - he could send someone back in time to fix it.Of course, who else would he send but Bella Cullen?Bella finds herself alone in the 1800s with a collection of letters and a very vague plan. She needs to destroy Aro's enemies, but what she really wants to do is prevent her family's hardships, and save them from themselves.
Relationships: Carlisle Cullen & Bella Swan, Carlisle Cullen/Esme Cullen, Emmett Cullen/Rosalie Hale, Jasper Hale & Bella Swan, Jasper Hale/Bella Swan, Peter & Bella Swan
Comments: 288
Kudos: 613





	1. Visitors

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first fanfic (or any piece of writing) that I have published in about eight years and I'm terrified. I've been trying to write something original for the past six months and found that I just didn't have the confidence in my ability to keep going with it. So I figured I'd go with something easier! 
> 
> This started out as an idea for a one shot and now it'll probably go near 100k words so that's fun. Incidentally, this chapter was a nightmare to write and doesn't match the tone of the rest of the story at all, so please don't judge the entire thing just on this.
> 
> A quick thanks to my best friend and my boyfriend for reading through this thing multiple times and giving me head pets and encouragement!
> 
> (Constructive) criticism and advice welcomed!

**Chapter One, The Visitor**

The past five years of Bella’s life had been somewhat uneventful. Once Edward had gotten over the events at their confrontation with Victoria (although Bella wasn’t sure he would ever truly get over it), their lives had gone fairly smoothly. He still felt crippling guilt, to the point where Jasper wouldn’t stay in the same room as him anymore, since he couldn’t get to her in time to stop Victoria essentially killing her. He saved her though (just barely) and although he was too distraught to do anything, Carlisle changed her on the spot and saved her life. After some self blame and soul searching he guided her through her newborn year, they got married and she was finally a full part of his family.

There were things that Bella had never realised were so prevalent in the Cullens, sheltered as she was being the baby and the human. The horrors of their pasts still haunted them, and all she could do was try to be a comfort. She, Alice and Emmett would often go for long hunting trips, they joined her in sometimes feeling guilty for being happy.

Life wasn’t perfect, but it was going pretty well.

That is, until the Volturi came.

______________________________________________________

It was a chilled November day, perfectly normal at first.

Bella was sitting with Alice at the dining room table, discussing the particulars of her latest book release. Once her newborn brain had settled down, Bella directed her excess time and energy into reading every book in the Cullen house. However, she very quickly ran out of books that interested her; in the house and the world. That was when she decided she may as well write them herself. She had written two so far, under a pseudonym; and preferred to keep to adult contemporary. No paranormal in sight, much to her family’s amusement.

Alice looked into the timing of the release, wanting as much coverage and readers as possible, as Bella patiently waited. It might have been because of that that Alice didn’t see their visitors in time for them to run.

It was Jasper who raised the alarm, he felt the tenors of Aro’s mind long before anyone could hear or smell him.

“Alice,” he shook her arm. “Come out of it, we need you.”

“What’s wrong Jasper?” Carlisle asked, rushing into the room.

Edward came hot on his heels, he pulled Bella out of her chair and crushed her to his chest. “Aro’s here.” He said, “he’s not close enough for me to hear him yet.”

“Not him…” Jasper grunted, his eyes squeezed shut. “Them. There’s over a dozen of them, he brought the whole guard. I think he brought Caius too.”

Alice suddenly squealed and her eyes flew open. She drew a shaking hand to her mouth and didn’t seem to feel the comfort Jasper offered her.

“Did you see them Alice?”

“See what?” She asked, “everything went black. I can’t see anything.”

“You mean like with the wolves?” Bella leaned out of Edward’s hold to grasp her hand. “A blind spot?”

“No…” She slowly stood. “Like if someone dies and has no future anymore, only for everything. As if the world has no future anymore…”

“This can’t be a coincidence…” Edward growled. “The Volturi are up to something and we’re just standing around talking. We need to run.”

“There’s no time and no point.” Jasper said, “We can’t get out fast enough for our trail to dissipate, and they probably have Demetri with them.”

“Maybe they aren’t here to hurt us.” Esme’s sweet voice peered out behind Carlisle. “We haven’t done anything, have we?”

“That hasn’t stopped them before…” Carlisle turned to Edward, “can you hear their thoughts yet?”

“No,” he replied. “They must be moving at human pace.”

“Stranger and stranger…” Carlisle heaved a deep unnecessary sigh. “Well if we can’t run, we will have to show a united front and hope for the best.”

After five minutes of gathering on the porch, Edward stiffened in his position by Bella. “There’s been a coup,” he whispered. “The Romanian Coven have burned Volterra to the ground and killed half the guard. The guard coming here are the only ones left.”

“What?!” Carlisle looked horrified.

“Marcus is dead…” Edward stared at nothing in the distance. “So’s Jane, Renata, Corin, Felix. Caius has lost an arm. Most of the rest are severely injured.”

“So we could take them?” Emmett asked, looking hopeful. Edward shook his head no. “They still have Alec, all they have to do is incapacitate Bella and we’re all dead.”

“Let’s get in a defensive position just in case,” Esme wrapped an arm around Bella and pulled her between Rosalie and Emmett. “How are your visions, Alice?”

Alice didn’t answer, her eyes were rolled back in an expression that Bella recognised as her being lost in a vision. Edward moved to the front of the group, beside Carlisle and Jasper.

“Nothing, it’s still all black.” He whispered. “They’re close…”

He didn’t need to tell them, everyone could hear the slow collective thuds of fifteen vampires walking towards them from the forest. At human pace they took a very long time to come into view, long enough for Emmett to feel restless.

“Why are they moving so slowly?” He whispered.

“More intimidating…” Jasper replied. “We can’t get away and they know it.”

A few more agonising minutes later, the remnants of the Volturi guard moved into view from the trees. They had clearly come from a fight. Their capes fluttered around their ankles, wafting the acrid smell of smoke towards the family. Many of the fighters were missing limbs, or in one case, half a jaw. Their normally organised lines and processions were reduced to a spattered group of vampires, trudging at individual paces.

“Aro!” Carlisle called to them, “Please accept my sincere sympathy for your losses!”

Aro shuddered to a stop twenty feet from the Cullens, signalling to his followers to wait behind him. “Carlisle, my dear friend.” He said, “my apologies for not warning you of our visit. As you may be aware, I have suffered significant losses at the hands of the Romanian Coven. We no longer have the luxury of courtesy.”

“Yes, I am aware. I am truly sorry for what has happened to you, Aro. If there’s anything I can do, please tell me.”

“There is in fact something you can do, Carlisle. I am here for your help.”

“Of course, what is it you need?”

“What we need is Isabella.” Aro said, casting his eye to the youngest member of the coven.

Carlisle stiffened, Rosalie and Emmett subtly stepped in front of her. “Why?”

“My dear…” Aro swept towards her, bringing a light growl from her husband and siblings. Aro cast them a glance but continued towards her, cupping her face with reverence. “... Bella. How intriguing you are still, even as a vampire. Your mind is as closed to me as ever. And I hear that your powers have only grown since we met last - is that right?”

Edward looked like he wanted to rip Aro’s hand off his arm, but was held in place by the smirking face and threatening thoughts of Caius and the rest of the guard.

Bella nodded in Aro’s hold, unable to move otherwise.

“That is excellent my dear, truly excellent. You are such a blessing to us all.”

Bella couldn’t respond, Carlisle did it for her. “What is it you want her for?”

“What if you didn’t need to give me sympathy, Carlisle?” Aro’s voice took on a manic tone, his fingers squeezed on Bella’s jaw. “What if we could change what happened?!”

“That would be wonderful, but I don’t know how…” Carlisle cast a wary glance between the hand tight on his daughter’s face and the poised fighters behind him.

“When we escaped, we managed to take with us our greatest ally.”

One of the guards reached behind him and pulled out a tiny looking girl, swamped in a dark grey hood far too big for her.

“Selina here,” said Aro. “Can turn back time.”

“What?!”

“We have tested it, of course. She has reversed multiple years for us, all have worked perfectly. In fact I have been told that the last few years have been repeated many times in our attempts to prevent the rebellion. However, none succeeded.”

“So what is different now, Aro?” Carlisle asked, “why are you not reversing time to try again?”

“I plan to, my dear friend. But it is more complicated than that.” Aro whirled around and began to pace, his tattered cloak fluttered in the wind. “Reversing time is pointless if no one is aware that it has happened, you see? Without guidance we would simply relive the same years in the same way. Selina stays in some kind of phantom form until time catches up with itself, she is unable to do anything. However, we found that if she reverses time with someone else touching her, that person will not be reversed, and retain a small amount of memory. Not enough to be truly useful, but it was a starting point for further experimentation. Over repeated attempts, we found that those with mental shields can retain their memory completely. They will be absolutely unaffected by the reversal so long as they are in contact with Selina when it takes place.”

“So you want someone to go back in time and stop the Romanians rebelling. Why Bella? There are other shields.” Edward said.

“Yes my boy, there are other shields.” Aro said, finally letting Bella go and stepping away from her. “But our own shields were unfairly targeted by the rebels, we have none in our own ranks. Besides that, Bella is the most powerful mental shield I personally have ever seen. And… the only one I have such absolute trust in, as she is one of yours Carlisle.”

“What would you have her do?” Asked Carlisle. “You said yourself that all your attempts have failed. What’s different?”

“Darling Bella is so powerful!” Aro swept towards Carlisle. “As much as our shields could retain their memory, there was a limit to how far back they could go without physical damage. However, with our rigorous testing, we have found shields who could be sent back decades with no ill effects! Bella is twice as powerful as they were! She could go back far enough to stop the rebellion before it even starts!”

“1942…” Edward mumbled.

Carlisle gasped, “go back seventy years and destroy the Romanian coven? She’s still a child, Aro. Surely you can see how this is unreasonable. She might not come back.”

“She wouldn’t come back anyway.” Edward growled, reading Aro’s mind. “It’s a one way trip, there would be no way for her to come back to the present.”

“What?!” Carlisle gasped, “Aro, you must understand there’s no way I can allow this!”

There was a murmur amongst the guards, Demetri inched forward. But Aro wasn’t looking at Carlisle, his eyes were directly trained on Bella.

“I believe you have more agency than your sire allows you, my dear. So I will speak directly to you. I do not expect you to do this favour for me with nothing in return.”

“What’s the point in offering a reward if she dies in the process…” Edward grumbled, Aro waved him off.

“Bella, you will find yourself in an incredible position, seventy years in the past with full knowledge of what will come. I give you my blessing to do as you will, change what you like!”

Bella thought for a moment, her brow furrowed. “Anything I like... is seventy years the limit?”

Aro frowned, suddenly taken off guard. “No, you can go further back if you wish.”

“Bella…” Edward finally stepped back from the guards and touched her arm. “You’re making me nervous.”

“Edward, if I’m going back to 1942 anyway, then why not go a little further back and change some things?”

“What kind of things?”

Bella turned back to Aro, “how far back can you send me?”

“ _Bella._ What kind of things?”

Aro raised an eyebrow, “1885, I believe. The year our Selena was born. Will that do?”

A grin blossomed on her face, “yes. Send me back then.”

“Bella!” Edward spun her around and bent to look directly into her eyes. “Talk to me, what are you planning?”

“By 1942, all the bad things have already happened!”

“What bad things?”

“Everything! Esme tried to kill herself, your parents died, Rosalie was raped, Alice was tortured –”

“I don’t think you’re going to be able to change those things, love. But if you must, then go back to 1910! Why 1885?”

“Bella. You can’t.” Jasper cut in before Bella answered.

She turned in Edward’s tight hold to answer him, “why can’t I?”

Everyone turned to their usually silent family member. “I know what you’re thinking. I appreciate it, I really do. But you can’t go near the southern wars, Bella. Nowhere near them.” Jasper said. “It was more brutal than anything you’ve ever seen. Leave me out of this, you can come get me when I break myself out.”

“Is that the only reason?” She asked. “You just want me to stay away because the wars were so horrible?”

“Is that not a good enough reason? Bella, you’d most likely die. You’ve never been involved in conflict before.”

“I’ll ask for help,” she said. “I’ll find Carlisle first, there’s nomads, maybe even the Volturi. I won’t just jump in blind, I promise.”

Jasper sighed in indignation.

“But… Bella.” Alice said. “There would be no coming back, if you change things we won't be the same people. The family would be gone. At least if you only go to 1942 we would still all be together.”

“I would try to keep us all together,” she replied. “But you wouldn’t even know the difference, right? I’m the only one that would have something to mourn. So long as you’re all happier that’s what’s important.”

“That’s a big sacrifice to make…” Esme whispered.

“I’m willing to make it.”

“ _Please…_ ” Edward bent over behind Bella and touched his forehead to her hair. “Please don’t do this…” He whispered, “I don’t know what I’ll do if you just disappear and never come back…”

Bella turned and cradled his hands against her chest.. “Edward, you’ve always said you wish you had a choice. You all have. This is my chance to give that to you. And I have a feeling that my going back at all is non-negotiable.”

“But you could die.” He argued, “you could change too much, you could stop yourself from being born! At least if you stay with us we can keep the changes to a minimum!”

“Actually, that will not be an issue.” Aro cut in. “Allow me to explain the way it works. Selina, in conjunction with your shield, will make you a fixed point in time. What is the past for us will simply become the future for you, there is no way you can create… what is it those silly television shows call it?”

“Time paradoxes…” Bella replied.

“Yes, those. Even if you murdered your own parents and were never born, you would still exist. You would be completely immune from time paradoxes. And, your husband was not wrong my dear, there is no return trip. When you are sent back, the present will cease to exist. It would just be a hypothetical future, just as the future is to us now.”

“So, there is no risk of me messing something up and writing myself out of existence?”

“Exactly.”

“That doesn’t change anything, love…” Edward mumbled.

“Edward, just think. Every tragedy, every slip up, every human we’ve accidentally hurt or killed. I could stop it, I could make it go away. I could even stop some of you becoming vampires if that’s what you really want.”

Edward didn’t reply, he just burrowed his face in her hair and held her tight.

“My mind is made up.” She pushed up on her toes and kissed the underside of his jaw. “I’m going. Either tell me what you need me to do or I’ll wing it and mess something up.”

Carlisle sucked in a loud, unnecessary breath and turned to Aro. “Are you in a particular rush, or do we have time to prepare her?”

He waved his hand dismissively, “I don’t have anywhere to be. But don’t take too long, if you please.

Our situation is somewhat… uncomfortable. Take an hour or two.”

“Right…” Carlisle turned to Bella. “I guess we need to form some kind of plan.”


	2. Goodbyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to everyone who has read so far! I really appreciate it!

Rosalie had always scared Bella a little. Her comparative friendliness and affection had not yet undone the year of hostility between them, despite Bella not quite being able to remember it. Still they were sisters, and Bella knew when she was tormenting herself. On the anniversary of her turning every year, Rose would run to Chicago and stand in the street where it happened. She would stare at the spot where she bled out on the road until the skies got dark and Emmett would come coax her home. When Bella spoke of changing things in their pasts, she knew she spoke directly to Rose. She could practically see her sister’s internal debate from the line between her perfect eyebrows and the way she avoided her husband’s gaze. 

Once Carlisle had ushered everyone into their anchor of a house for the illusion of privacy, Rose darted upstairs faster than the human eye could follow. Emmett went to go after her but was caught by Edward’s hand on his shoulder.

“Give her a minute…” he whispered.

Emmett shrugged out of his hold, “I know how to comfort my damn wife, Eddie.”

“Comfort isn’t what she needs right now.” Edward replied, Emmett fell silent. It was not difficult to understand what was tormenting her so. 

“Bella.” Carlisle drew her attention. “Are you really sure you want to do this? You could join us in 1942, we would help you destroy the Romanians. There would be much less risk.”

“If you weren’t so worried about my safety, would you want these things changed?” Bella asked. Carlisle glanced at the ground and bit his lip for a moment, it was all the confirmation she needed.

“I need instructions,” she said. “I can change a little or a lot, it’s up to all of you. But you’re gonna have to tell me how to do it.” 

Carlisle slowly moved towards his office. “My gaining a daughter and a family thirty years earlier than I otherwise would have is enough for me. I will write you some letters to take with you. I advise everyone else to do the same, and to speak to you privately.”

Bella looked around herself at the family, “Is anyone having an easy time deciding?”

All were silent for a moment, before Alice chirped up. “I don’t remember anything about my human life before I was turned,” she shrugged. “But I know my family put me in an asylum and then told everyone I was dead so I assume it wasn’t the best. I would like it if you came and got me before they gave me the electro shock therapy… or the water therapy.”

Bella nodded, “Of course. I’m sure I can manage that.”

“You can turn me immediately,” she grinned. “I don’t mind. And… if you can’t do it it’s fine, but if you could get me before they cut all my hair off that would be great.”

“I’ll try my best!” Bella basked in the mood being significantly lightened.

“I mean... I make the pixie cut work, obviously. I haven’t got much choice. But there’s so many more options with long hair! Think of the opportunities! Braiding, curling, updos… ooh! Ponytails!” 

Jasper clasped his adorable wife to his side, his affection rolling out for all to feel. 

“Anyone else?”

Emmett spread his large hands out in front of him. “I love being a vampire. I wouldn’t have had any better life if I had stayed human. Just turn me the way I was originally.”

“Sure thing.”

“But… If I give you the names and addresses of my two singers, could you keep me away from them?”

“Yeah, of course.” 

Emmett pulled her into a tight hug. “I know I can count on you, little sister.”

Bella glanced at Esme and Edward, both looking too worried and deep in thought to answer her question any time soon. She looked back at Jasper, who clearly had realised the same thing. 

“Is there any way I can convince you not to do this?” He asked, meeting her gaze head on.

“You don’t want me to go back?” She asked.

“No, I didn’t say that.” He squeezed Alice tighter, “I worry about the risk to you, but the real danger will come from me and the wars. Saving the others is an excellent idea, and I’m grateful to you for what you will do for Alice. But, you can’t take this risk. Please, Bella. Leave me to be found in the fifties.”

“Again, if you weren’t worried about my safety, would you want me to get you out?”

“That isn’t the point Bells!”

“He would.” Edward interrupted. “His time in the wars is his biggest regret.”

Jasper glared daggers at him, “I thought you of all people would want her to stay away from there!”

“Of course I do!” He snipped back. “But you know she’ll go anyway! Help her or she won’t even stand a chance.”

“She might not stand a chance anyway!”

“I have my shield,” Bella piped up. “And I’m pretty good at hiding!”

Jasper groaned and dropped his head into his hand. “Bella, you can’t be stubborn _and_ naive.”

“Then you’ll have to give her plenty of instructions.” Edward wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “She’ll try whether you like it or not. You know that.” 

Jasper heaved a final sigh. “I’ll go draw up some instructions… and a couple of maps… maybe a timeline.”

As Jasper trudged up the stairs to his study, Esme took hold of Bella’s hand.

“Could I talk to you, sweetheart?” She asked, and led Bella up to her bedroom. 

The first thing Esme did was pull Bella into the tightest of hugs. “You are so brave,” she whispered. “I couldn’t begin to do what you’re taking on, and you’re so young still…”

“I’ll be okay.”

“Yes, I know you will.” Esme patted Bella’s back hair into place. “You may be young, but you have always been capable. You can do anything you put your mind to, remember that.”

Bella smiled up at her mother, trying not to imagine spending forty years without her. Esme led her to sit beside her on her soft four poster bed. The gossamer curtains tickled her neck. 

“You know my history.” Esme began. “I met Carlisle when I was 16, but only briefly. Back then girls were expected to marry young, or they were considered burdens on their families. I was pressured into marrying a man called Charles Evenson when I was 22, in 1917. He was a violent man and he treated me abominably…”

Esme paused, but Bella could not fill the silence. There was nothing she could say.

“... Edward killed him, you know.” Esme whispered, “He tried to hide it but confided in me eventually. Carlisle doesn’t know, he didn’t want him to.”

“Oh…” Bella tried not to think about Edward taking human lives, or that he hid this from her. 

Esme squeezed her hand. “I have always regretted not courting Carlisle,” she said.

Bella stared. “You mean like, dating?”

“Yes, in a way… but courting was always a little more romantic than dating. There were so many restrictions placed on you, so much honour and courtesy involved that every little stolen kiss would make your knees flutter for days until the next time you saw him. It would last for months and every day you saw him would feel so special. Like the first magical few weeks at the beginning of a modern relationship, where everything is new and exciting, but it would last until you got married. I didn’t love Charles as I ought to have, but courting was so invigorating still. I wish I could have had that experience with Carlisle.”

“Do you want me to change that?” Bella asked. “Bring him to you before you marry Evenson so you can court properly, be in a relationship as a human like me and Edward?”

“I think I would…” She sighed, “but it’s a risk, what if we don’t feel the same way with different experiences?”

“I don’t think that will be an issue,” Carlisle said softly from the doorway, somehow having managed to sneak up on two vampires. “I’m sorry for eavesdropping. But really, don’t worry. Even when you were 16 I could see your wonderful soul. Had you been of age I am sure I would have loved you from the beginning.”

Esme smiled brightly up at her husband, “well then. My mind is made up. Perhaps if we met when I was a little older, we could…”

“Court?” A grin spread across Carlisle’s face, “I’ll look forward to it, Miss Platt.”

“Right!” Esme sprung up, bringing Bella with her. “I’ve taken up too much precious time. Let’s go join the others.”

The others were still gathered downstairs, conversing quietly with each other. Rosalie was still absent and Edward stood away from the group, staring into space. 

“Bella,” Jasper said. “I’ve written instructions for you, but if you’d let me, I’d like to teach you how to deal with newborns. Or as much as I can in the hour we have.”

Bella glanced at her husband, who gave her a weak smile. She was trying her best not to be upset with him, as he was really taking a long time to come up with what he wanted her to change. He had always regretted becoming a vampire. It was no secret, and she knew that his indecision was most likely between her and his humanity. She would understand if he chose to stay human… in theory. The closer Edward got to actually deciding not to be with her, the more her chest clenched and her head spun. It was not a reality she wanted to think about. 

She turned her attention back to Jasper, who was staring at her with an eyebrow cocked and his mouth tense. “Okay,” she said. “Let’s go outside.”

In the picturesque Montana garden they stood facing each other. 

“Feet hip width apart, knees slightly bent,” Jasper ordered.

Bella did as he said and he sped behind her to adjust her posture. “Right foot forward, chest low, elbows back.”

He took up a fighting stance in front of her. “I’ll do some basic hits, you dodge them.”

He aimed some punches at her head and torso which she evaded with relative ease. He picked up the pace bit by bit and started swatting at her head and swiping at her knees, she ducked out of the way each time with less and less success. Finally he ducked down and threw his upper body into her legs. She leapt back, landing with a spray of mud flaring out behind her. In a heartbeat he was in front of her. With no time to dodge she threw her arm out to catch his hit and was thrown to the side, spinning into a nearby tree.

“That was actually decent… for a starting point.” He helped her up, “don’t try to block, it relies on strength. Newborns will always be stronger than you, but they are easily enraged. Your advantage is your ability to keep a clear head. If you dodge them for long enough, they will get frustrated and distracted. That’s when you find higher ground and jump on them from above - okay?”

She nodded and rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet, adjusting her balance.

Jasper retook his place across the manicured lawn. “Okay, try again. Stay in motion, don’t wait for me to hit again.” 

Bella tried again, and tried, and tried, and tried. 

“How are you doing that?” She cried as she was knocked on her butt for the seventh time. “What am I doing wrong?”

“Come here and get back into the position you were in just before you went down,” he gestured. 

She stood before him and got into the same stance. When she fell she had been in the middle of evading him, and doing quite well actually. But he suddenly changed direction and before she knew it she was flying into Esme’s neatly trimmed roses.

“Your arm was bent out like this.” Jasper moved her hand to where it had been curled beside her ear, her elbow sticking out in front of her. “I know your instinct is to protect your head - and it should be. But one quick shove to your elbow and you’re down.” He illustrated this by smacking into it and sending her catapulting to the side. “Simple physics.”

“Okay, fair point.” Bella dusted herself off. “So what do I do instead? You keep getting really close to hitting me no matter how much I dodge.”

“That’s because I’m a trained fighter with 150 years under my belt.” He smirked, “You’re doing fairly well, considering. Make sure you stay in motion, zip around me and break my focus. Hit me and run to confuse me. One more try, then we should probably stop. Aro will be getting impatient soon.”

Bella stiffened at the reminder. She had focused so hard on the fighting and how her family was feeling that she hadn’t fully processed that she would be sent to the past in about half an hour. 

“Come on,” Jasper drew her attention. “One more go.”

Bella took a deep breath, and when Jasper came charging towards her she slipped cleanly to the side away from him. He turned to land a blow on her head, but she ducked down and jabbed his side then darted around him in the opposite direction. His fist shot towards her leg but she leapt and sailed over his head. She landed behind him and scrabbled up his back to his shoulders, reaching for his neck. He took the shot, grabbed her reaching hands and slammed her on the ground in front of him. Within half a second he was on top of her with his teeth grazing her neck.

“Damn it…” she muttered.

Jasper laughed as he pulled her up to her feet. “Don’t beat yourself up, if you do that against an actual newborn you’ll probably win.”

“Really?!”

“Yes. You need to keep practicing though.”

They turned back to the house, Emmett was stood leaning against the back door frame, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye. “My baby sister is a newborn killer! I’ve never been so proud!”

Bella grinned back at him, “let’s hope I don’t actually have to kill any.”

“Well yeah, not without me watching!” Emmett’s grin wavered, “Rose wants to talk to you.”

“Okay,” she nodded. “I’ll go find her now.”

“No need.” Rose pushed past Emmett and grabbed her hand. “Let’s go somewhere private.”

They ran together through the forest to a clearing by the river, Emmett followed close behind them. Rosalie stood still for a moment, staring out at the rushing water and the babbling fish living beneath it. 

“I don’t know how to start…” she mumbled. 

“It’s okay,” Bella replied. “I know how hard this must be for you.”

Rose abruptly turned and grabbed Bella in a tight hug. “I love you,” she whispered. “Thank you for doing this. Thank you for risking yourself for Jaz. There is nothing we could ever do to repay you.”

Bella squeezed her sister, “what else could I do?”

“You could go back to 1942, accept our help and just settle into the coven 60 years early.” Rose pulled back and smiled at her. “But that’s not you.”

Bella just smiled as Rosalie searched for her words. “I’m happy with my life,” Rose said. “I love my family and I love Emmett. I really really do.”

“I know.” Bella took her hand. “No one could question that.”

“It’s just…” Rosalie took a shaky breath, “I was raped.”

“Yes, you were.”

“I’d like you to stop that… please.”

“Of course,” Bella frowned. “I would have done that even if you hadn’t asked me to.”

“Thank you… That attack. It took everything from me, everything I’d ever hoped for. I’ve always wished I had a chance y’know? A normal marriage, kids? So I...”

Rose stopped, choking on the words. She stared at a hole in the dark ground.

“It’s okay, Rosie.” Emmett wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pressed a kiss to her temple. “I understand, I promise.” 

Rose exhaled and tightened her grip, “keep me away from Royce King. Give me a few years and if I’m not married with children and happy by then, turn me so I can be with Emmett.”

“Are you sure?”

Rose tightened her jaw and nodded. “Let’s say, 25? Give me until I’m 25. And I mean it about the children. It doesn’t matter if I’m married to a good man, no one is better than Emmett. No one. I just… have always wished I could have had children.”

“I know,” Bella leaned her forehead against her sister’s. “I understand, I promise. I’ll go to you when you’re a teenager. Alice, Edward and Jasper should be with me by then. We’ll keep you safe and with their collection of voodoo powers we’ll know if you’re happy or not. It’ll be okay.”

“I trust you.” Rose heaved a tearless sob. “I feel like a bitch.”

“But you’re our bitch,” Emmett pulled both of them into a hug. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting this, babe. I promise I understand.”

“Sorry to interrupt,” Edward came out of the forest towards them. “We don’t have much longer and I need to talk to my wife.”

“Okay,” Rose hugged Bella one last time and kissed her cheek. “See you in a little bit.”

She and Emmett passed Edward on their way out of the clearing. For a man who was no stranger to brooding, Bella had never seen him so distressed.

He wrapped her in a hug in a blink of an eye. “Are you okay?” He whispered.

“I should be asking you.” She replied, “this is all so awful.”

“Here I thought you were excited about it, making plans.”

“Just trying to make the best of a bad situation,” she tilted her head back to look at him. “I’m terrified really.”

Edward squeezed her back to his chest and rested his lips on the crown of her head. She stood there for a moment, basking in the tranquility.

“Have you decided what you want?” She asked.

“I want to be with you.”

“Already done.” She spoke into his chest. “How about something else?”

“You come find me,” he said. “You turn me, we’ll be together forever. Job done.”

“That’s it?”

“Maybe...” he started rocking her from side to side, his lips never leaving the sanctuary of her hair. “Maybe get my parents out of Chicago before the influenza? It wouldn’t guarantee they’d survive but they would have a better chance.”

“Absolutely, good idea.” Bella nestled her face further into her husband’s chest and breathed in his comforting scent. “About the me turning you and us being together forever part…”

“...What about it?”

“Edward, you’ve always regretted becoming a vampire. I can stop that happening.”

“No, love. Being with you is more important than that.”

“But you could stay human, we could still be together just you wouldn’t need to drink blood.”

“One lifetime isn’t enough for me.” Edward pulled back to look her in the eye. “I don’t care what’s going on for me as a human, you find me and you turn me. I’ll fall in love with you because how could I not? Then we’ll be together, as we should be. Okay?”

“Edward, I can’t turn you against your will…” Bella whispered, his lips came to hover over hers.

“Sweetheart, this is my will.” He punctuated each word with a kiss, “You are and always will be everything I have ever wanted.”

They kissed for a brief, perfect moment. Bella relished in the comfort and simplicity in the feeling of his lips on hers and his hands on her waist and back.

“It’s time…” he whispered.

“I don’t want to go…”

He exhaled a shaky laugh, “I don’t want you to go either but Aro is getting antsy.”

“It’s not like he has anywhere else to be.”

“Mm,” Edward moved from their embrace to leading her back to the house. “What can I say, he’s selfish.”

“Well that’s an understatement.”

They walked in silence, as slowly as they dared until the statuesque Cullen house came into view through the trees. The ominous black void of the Volturi still stood in front of it, waiting for her. 

“Bella.” Carlisle met them in the yard, “I’m afraid we’re out of time. We have all written letters for you with instructions and messages… here.”

He handed her a worn leather satchel with the initials C.C. etched into the front. “To keep it all in,” he said. “And here,” he produced a heavy metal box with a keypad on the front. “I wouldn’t keep it all on you at once, but don’t trust any bank safeboxes until after the Great Depression, okay? Bury what you don’t need right away in this and it’ll be safe.”

“Okay,” Bella took the satchel, box, and letters. “Don’t trust banks, got it.”

Carlisle breathed a smile, “Esme is compiling some pictures for you, everyone else is in the living room. Come on.”

The tension in the living room was palpable, everyone stood in a clump in the middle with no idea what to say. Only Alice moved when Bella entered the circle. She reached up to hug her tight around her neck, then removed the bracelet from her own wrist and fastened it on Bella’s. The words didn’t need to be spoken, to remember her by. 

Similarly, Rose took her necklace, a string of long pearls with a pendant at the end, and draped it over Bella’s head. “Love you,” she whispered.

Esme ran in holding a huge book, “I have loads of pictures for you, sweetheart. Some to convince us who you are, and some just to, you know… have.”

Bella hugged her tight, “thank you, Esme.”

Jasper tapped her shoulder, holding a tape recorder. “Carlisle and I recorded messages for our past selves. I packed you spare batteries, but when it dies it dies.”

She reached up to hug him, “thanks Jaz.”

“Hang on,” Alice pulled Carlisle over to them and took out an old polaroid camera. “We couldn’t find a picture of just you three and you’ll probably need one.”

“I thought you couldn’t see anything right now,” Bella asked as she snapped the shot.

“I don’t need to see the future to know what’s coming,” she grinned.

Bella was passed from family member to family member, traded with whispered words and tokens of affection. She moved closer to the door with every embrace. 

Aro was waiting in the front yard, the tiny time traveller swamped in her grey cloak stood next to him. His smile was slimy, on the face of a man who knew he was about to get everything he wanted.

“I thought I would join in on the letter writing, dear Bella.” He passed her a thick parchment envelope, “I have written you some instructions for dealing with our little Romanian problem. Thank you again for your… cooperation.”

The Cullens artfully ignored him, Edward wrapped his arms around her and kissed her passionately. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said. “All of you.”

Carlisle secured her satchel around her shoulder and stroked her hair back, “got everything?”

She nodded and tugged him into a hug, “I’ll see you soon.”

“Heh… see you soon.”

Aro cleared his throat, unnecessarily, forcing her to pull away.

“So how do I do this thing?” 

He grinned, “just touch Selena’s hand. She’s ready for you.”

“Okay…” Bella sighed and turned to look back at her family. She took a snapshot of the moment, them all standing together on the porch, saying goodbye to her. The unshed tears in Esme’s eyes, the pain in Rosalie’s clenched hands. Emmett’s love, Jasper’s worry, Carlisle’s distress. Alice and Edward stood ahead, both looking like they could snap her up and run away with her any second. 

But there was no putting it off anymore, it was time.

She extended her hand behind her, catching Selena’s. Her eyes did not leave Edward’s, not until the world had spun away and he had been lost to the future. 

The world came swimming in and out of view, and then she was standing in that same forest. Alone.


	3. Carlisle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off can I just say that I’m so grateful for the response this has gotten. I’d love to respond to more comments but get weirdly anxious about it so please know that even if I didn’t thank you in person, I’m still so thankful. 
> 
> A few orders of business:
> 
> 1\. I realised I never did a disclaimer so let me just disclaim now. Consider this whole thing disclaimed. No suing me, ta. 
> 
> 2\. I’m not entirely sure if the rating of this is going to change, I don’t think there’ll be any sex scenes since I can barely write kissing scenes without cringing myself off the planet. But Bella is joining a rather brutal war and there’s going to be violence and dark themes in places, so please let me know what you think. 
> 
> 3\. It may be clear from the over abundance of U’s in my writing, but I am very much not American. This fic is going to take place all over America and since this is a stress reliever for me, I’ve decided not to do in depth research for every place Bella goes. I only have very basic knowledge of US geography and might make some glaring errors. Almost all specific towns I mention will be completely made up. I’m sorry if this breaks anyone’s immersion!
> 
> 4\. I want to confirm that this is a JasperXBella story. It's going to be a slow burn and I don't intend to do any Edward or Alice bashing. Everyone in the family is good in this, just like in the books!
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter. Fun fact, it was actually the first one I wrote. Sorry for the long author’s note and thanks again to my boyfriend and best friend for reading everything I write despite never having read Twilight!

Bella’s world came back into focus a few moments later. Her phantom heart stuttered as she desperately looked around her. Where her family and her home had once stood was thick with trees, there was nothing to show where the clearing had been, nothing to show anyone had ever lived there. Because no one had, yet.

Bella took a deep, steadying breath and looked at the items in her bag. In the leather bag Carlisle had given her were letters from all her family, photographs of them, she couldn’t risk them all when her bag could be damaged. 

She pragmatically sorted through them and took the letters, the maps, the cassette player, batteries for it, and two pictures; the polaroid of her, Carlisle and Jasper; and one of the whole family together. They had gone to a wedding, one of the Denali sisters had fallen for Carlisle’s old friend, Garrett. They looked pretty as a picture, dressed in all their finery and laughing at something said off camera. Her eyes lingered on Edward’s arm wrapped around her shoulders and Alice’s hand resting on her elbow. This was love, this was home. 

And this would have to do for now. 

She placed everything else in the sturdy metal box, including the jewelry her sisters had given her, and then returned her diminished cargo back into the bag. Then she realised she had forgotten her most precious keepsake of all. Her wedding ring. 

Bella stared at it for a moment. It would be a tragedy if she lost it, and she was arguably coming up to the physically hardest part of her journey at the very beginning. What if she got in a fight and it was damaged? Or if she had to jump into water and it fell off? She would never forgive herself, it was smarter by far to take it off and bury it in the box for safe keeping. 

Yet every rational bone in Bella’s body was not strong enough against the part inside of her that was screaming. This was her last piece of Edward, the last thing she had that held his touch, his love. The ring that he had put on her finger and promised to love her forever with. She could not leave it behind, at least not at that moment. 

Bella slipped the ring off and put it in a secure pocket inside the lining of her bag instead. She could come back and bury it someday, but until then she would keep it with her.

With her organising done, she shut the box with a click and set the pin code to 7509, her wedding date. She squeezed her eyes tight shut, unable to part with the box containing her heart for that moment, and opened up Carlisle’s letter instead. She hungrily absorbed his words and the comfort they offered, then folded the letter back up and neatly placed it back in her bag. 

She had work to do, so much work, and step one was to find Carlisle. 

She rose to her feet and looked around herself for a specific tree. She had not moved from the spot she had been sent from yet, and turned to where she knew it would be. It was 20 feet south east of her, much smaller than she remembered, but still larger than the ones surrounding it. When she was first turned she climbed it herself, and marvelled in her new found strength. When her eyes first turned golden, Emmett made her climb that tree with him and they howled at the moon like her friends of old. When she and Edward returned from their honeymoon, he carved their initials into its thick trunk. ‘So we’ll truly live forever.’ he joked. This was the house they ran to when she was turning, her first home in her new life; and it was gone. 

She finally took a step forward, away from where she had been sent back and towards the tree that held so many memories, unblemished and unknown. It was there that she buried her box, nestled in its roots, deep in the ground. Once she had found a stable residence she would come back for it, but for now it was safe.

When she was done, she rested her head against the rough bark of the tree. She was done, she was ready. She now had to face this strange new world that she had been sent to.

She turned, but was faced with a strange and unexpected sight. Selina stood there, puffy dress and oversized cloak intact, but completely transparent. She looked back at Bella, right in the eye, with three times as much expression in her face as she had had before. She reached her hand out, as if to touch, but disappeared again before Bella could make contact.

Bella stared at the empty space in front of her, shaken. Of all the insane things to happen to her in the past two hours, that was the icing on the cake. She shook herself, the world still appeared as it had been, she hadn’t moved back into the future. The forest stood around her, creaking in the wind with not a sound or sight of humanity for miles. 

She couldn’t dwell on this. She had to run east.

* * *

_ Bella,  _

_ I hope this message finds you well. This situation is so beyond anything we have ever imagined and I truly fear for you, my child.  _

Bella tried to ignore her shaking hands as she silently scaled the garden wall of a nearby manor house. She had run for a couple of hours already, sticking only to dense woodlands, and estimated that she was somewhere near Minnesota. Soon she would need more specific directions and would no doubt struggle to ask for them while wearing jeans. 

Her hands did not shake because scaling the wall was physically difficult, even though it was ridiculously tall for a simple wall. She was a police officer’s daughter, and stealing was most definitely not something that had ever been encouraged. Still, needs must, and when she reached the top she grabbed the simplest looking garment hanging on the line. 

She didn’t want to steal someone’s corset, especially when she knew how expensive they were. She had chosen this particular house because she assumed the inhabitants could afford to spare some clothing, but still she worried. 

She listened again to make sure nobody was nearby and took off her shirt, then slipped the dark blue dress on over her head. Thankfully it was full of fabric with ties at every opening to adjust the size. It didn’t look like she was wearing someone else’s dress, although it fit very strangely in places and the back trailed on the floor in a way that didn’t look intentional.

Bella peeled her jeans off under the skirts and kicked them over to where her shirt sat. There were obviously no shoes drying out in the cold November sun, but she hoped the leather boots she was already wearing would pass, even if their soles were a chunky rubber and their laces topped with plastic. 

Mindful of the cold weather, Bella stole an old looking black coat from the end of the line, so she hopefully wouldn’t attract too much attention as she walked unaccompanied across the country. She picked up her abandoned clothing, and with one last apologetic look at the manor, jumped over the steep wall. 

She clutched her clothes to her chest and took one last long breath of them. She smelled Alice’s scent from when she had presented her with the shirt that morning. ‘I think you should try purple more!’ she had said. She prayed a silent sorry to her unborn best friend and shredded the shirt and jeans to confetti, unrecognisable to any human but hopefully useful to a bird making his nest.

Bella brushed herself off of the remnants of her clothes, then checked where east was and once again began to run, mindful of her skirts this time. 

_ I have never enjoyed the nomadic lifestyle, until I found Edward I spent my life jumping from city to city, treating those who could not afford other doctors’ rates until my immortality drew suspicion. I spent my existence alone. Afterall I had no other choice, while I had many friends it was impossible to stay in contact without a permanent address. _

Bella continued to run in an eastwardly direction, but the woodland was becoming more sparse and the area much more populated as she came nearer to Lake Michigan. She eventually had no choice but to walk alongside the road at a brisk human pace, trying not to make eye contact with people she passed.

“Excuse me, miss!” A passing man called from his horse, “do you require assistance?”

Bella smiled tightly at the man, trying to figure out what the etiquette was for this. “No, thank you sir!” She called back, then reconsidered. “Actually, you don’t know exactly where we are, do you?”

“Where we are?”

“Yes! For example, how far away is…” she struggled to think of a city on her route. “...Chicago?” 

The man frowned, “we are about 2 hours from Chicago by horse. Are you sure you do not need my assistance, miss? It will be night soon, you can’t walk alone.”

Bella smiled, at night she could move much more quickly without having to stick to the forest. With any luck, she would be in Pennsylvania by morning. “No, I’ll be fine! Thank you for your help!”

She walked away from the dumbstruck man, glaring at the mid evening sun and daring it to retreat faster. 

Finally night fell and she gathered her skirts up in her hands so she could run at top speed. The delicate material still ripped a little in her hands, but it was almost impossible to prevent. How female vampires could stay mobile in these clothes, she had no idea.

She passed very few humans out on the road, though one camp looked up startled as she passed them, their tent fluttered violently in the air she displaced. Within minutes she approached the looming dark mass of Chicago. She quickly hunted a passing deer and then ran right through, careful to stick to alleyways and rooftops, since there were far more people out than in the countryside. 

She made better time than expected, by the time dawn broke, she was on the northern border of Pennsylvania and could slip into the forest again. She couldn’t slow down now, she was almost there. 

_ As for your instructions: in 1885, I was in New York city, working in the tenement slums. I had rooms on Clyde Avenue, but spent the majority of my time in my office in the Lower East Side. You are most likely to find me there. _

Bella had no memories of New York. She and her mom had gone to see a Broadway show and all the touristy sights when she was a child, but that memory had faded into obscurity along with the rest of her human life. Still, when she finally finished her journey and stood in the centre of the busy city, it was jarring to not see what she was supposed to. There were no towers peeking out of the skyline, no cars in gridlock at every road. People were yelling constantly and yet it seemed quiet without heavy construction noise. When Bella looked out to where she knew the Statue of Liberty should be, there was only a half constructed plinth. This was not the city she knew. 

_ Be aware that there will be a lot of sick and wounded. I trust in your control, but we have not tested it in such a dense city, and accidents were much more common at the time. Be careful. If the blood is too much for you, go to my rooms and wait for me there. I would return to my rooms every few days to change my clothes and was somewhat accustomed to vampire acquaintances dropping in. _

Logic dictated that the Lower East Side would be south east of the centre of the city, so Bella headed that way. After asking some helpful and many not so helpful people for directions, she found herself walking down a street that was absolutely not fit for human habitation. It made sense that Carlisle would choose to work here, at every window and doorway there was a hungry child or a disabled parent. No one could afford a doctor here, there was no way. She could smell the disease and infection from the street.

Bella felt sure that this putrid stench of vomit and decay would stop her craving any blood she smelt, but then a labourer passed her. The dirty bandages across his palms did very little to disguise the smell of blood from his hard day’s work. It was old blood, and mixed with sweat and dirt. But it was human and Bella needed it. 

She held her breath and clenched her eyes shut. She didn’t need to kill him, she could resist killing him. She purposefully turned around and looked back the way she had come. She had only walked ten feet, there was no way she could go to the middle of the slums to find Carlisle. No, she needed to find his apartment instead.

_ If you are waylaid, I will be in New York until 1888, after which time I relocate to Toronto. Addresses for my lodgings there, and for the next twenty years have been included in the envelope, just in case. I dearly hope you find me as quickly as possible. This is an unknown world to you, a harsh world, and I worry that I have sheltered you from those realities.  _

Clyde Avenue was a quiet, modest looking street. Tall townhouses lined the road and well to do, middle class pedestrians roamed. Bella finally wasn’t so overwhelmed and could actually appreciate the sights around her. The red brick of the houses, the moustaches on the men, the canes and the hats and the bustles on the backs of the women. She got several strange looks, no doubt for her ratty dress and untamed hair. 

She found the building;  _ 125 Clyde Avenue, apartment 3B.  _ The porch smelt like tobacco smoke and men lingered on the stairwell. They looked at her like she was an alien as she pushed her way past them. 

When Bella knocked on the door of apartment 3B and received no answer, she realised her dilemma. Was she supposed to wait in the hallway? Carlisle said he returned every few days, she couldn’t wait for several days out here where people could see her. Plus, it seemed like only men lived in this building. The longer she stayed hanging around, the more of a spectacle she was becoming. She looked around the door and the welcome mat for a spare key, but found nothing. Of course, when had Carlisle ever lost anything?

A whistle sounded behind her, “what’s a pretty girl like you doing hanging around here?”

Bella stiffened at the cliche. She turned to the large, pink faced man.

“Have you seen Dr Cullen lately?”

“You’re looking for Cullen are you? He hasn’t been around here for a while. Keeps to himself. Boring man, I’m sure we can scrounge up some better company for you, sweetheart.”

Bella smiled wryly at the man, “thanks. But I think I’ll wait for Dr Cullen.”

The man leaned against the wall behind him. “I’ll keep you company then.”

Bella really did not want to spend any more time with this weirdo than absolutely necessary. Whispering a silent apology to her sire, she neatly broke the lock on the door knob and forced it open. “He told me to wait in his office,” she lied. “Thanks for your help.”

She shut the door on the man’s large face. 

_ In terms of making me believe you, you may have an easier job than you expect. In my time with the Volturi I saw the incredible amount of power they were able to collect. I doubt it would surprise me to find out that they had been able to reverse time. I also doubt it would surprise them, so you need to stay away from them at all cost. _

Surprisingly, Bella recognised several things placed around the crowded apartment. It was tiny, more similar to his study at home than to an actual apartment. Full bookcases lined the walls, with further piles sat on the floor. A painting of Carlisle and the Volturi kings that she recognised from her human days sat leant on the mantelpiece, Bella took a moment to glare at Aro before moving on. The globe sat next to the desk was the one he had used to show her all the places he had been. His journals sat in a box on the ground, a smaller collection than the one she had seen before. 

_ In addition, I should be able to tell that I sired you. A sire leaves a distinct scent on their children, one unchanged by time. Add in the letters, photographs and recording you have been sent with, and I believe you will find me ready and willing to help you.  _

When Bella took a deep breath she could smell him. It was different, a little less clean and sharp, muddied by the industrial air, but unmistakably Carlisle. She walked over to a dresser on the opposite wall and opened the wooden doors, crisp shirts, jackets and waistcoats were hung there. She realised how strange it would be to see a Victorian Carlisle in all this costume. She was half expecting him to show up in loafers and a sweater. 

_ I know you aim to prevent our heartaches, and I love you for that. Just know that by finding me at all, you will improve my life immeasurably. All I ever yearned for was family, and you are my family. If this old version of me disappoints you, I am truly sorry. Just know that no matter what I am proud of you. Your burdens are my burdens, no matter what year it is. Do not hesitate to lean on me.  _

Bella noticed the pin board beside the window and went to inspect the documents displayed there. Her attention was caught by a fuzzy sepia picture of what she recognised as Carlisle and Garrett, whose wedding she had celebrated only two years before. Her heart tightened at seeing her sire’s face, blurry as it was. He had a life here, as full a life as he had when she knew him. It was strange to think of him being so old, even though she knew she would most likely live to be that old herself. 

She finally decided to stop snooping and settle down to wait, she took a book off the top of the closest pile and started to read, careful of the fragile paper. If she had to wait days, at least she would learn something while she did. 

_ Bella, if you find yourself in a position where you are feeding on humans, whether it was a slip up, a forced situation, or by choice; know that I do not judge you. Our lifestyle is a difficult one to keep at times, and you are still so young. It would not change anything. You are still my daughter.  _

According to the mantel clock it was thirteen hours later when Bella finished her eighth medical journal. It wasn’t exactly thrilling reading material, but she felt the need to know something at least a little useful for the times she had found herself in. Her head shot up as footsteps echoed in the hallway and the breeze carried the scent of Carlisle into her nose.

The knob rattled, literally, and she heard a light sigh as the door swung open with no resistance.

_ Stay safe my dear. _

_ Carlisle _

“Can I help you?”


	4. Father

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much again for the amazing response this has gotten!   
> Quick note, I'm moving house on Monday. We've had to pack up and move really quickly (our house had dodgy electrics and then flooded and got condemned, it was a whole thing), so nothing got set up ahead of time and we'll be without internet for 2 weeks! (UGH) So while I'm getting very reacquainted with my DVD collection and fretting over not being able to work on my dissertation a month before it's due, I'm only going to be able to upload chapters when I haul my steam engine of a laptop to my parents house and nick their internet for an evening. I plan on still putting out two chapters for two weeks, but I think it'll be a 'get em when you get em' situation. Thanks for bearing with me!
> 
> Many thanks again to my boyfriend and my best friend who finally told me I've been formatting speech marks incorrectly my whole life!

Even though Bella was completely aware of how vampires worked, it was still unnerving that Carlisle looked exactly the same, if he were going to a very high class fancy dress party. The face of the man she had left behind the day before was completely unchanged, down to the length of his hair and the flecks of golden brown in his eyes. But what was even more strange was that his voice was different. She had not expected any differences. How many times had Edward pointed out how unchanging they all were? Yet Carlisle spoke with a lilt that Bella assumed was his English mother tongue, not the soft American twang she was expecting.

“Can I help you?” He asked again, swinging the door closed behind him and propping it shut with a waste paper basket. “I must say it is rare for me to get visitors I don’t know these days. Did someone send you?”

Bella shook her head numbly, somewhat unsure of where to start. She had focussed all of her time and energy on finding her father, she should have put some into rehearsing what to say to him. In fact, any rational being would have it all set out in their head, maybe even some notes on paper. Did she spend the hours she waited doing something so clever? No. She distracted herself and procrastinated on the most important part of her plan. She chastised herself.  _ Stupid Bella. _

Carlisle furrowed his brow. “What’s your name?”

That was probably a safe place to start. “My name is Bella.”

“Okay, Bella. What is it you’re doing here?”

“I’m looking for you,” she replied. 

Carlisle set his sturdy leather bag on the ground and sat at his desk, then gestured to the chair in front of it for her to sit in. “Well you have found me, what can I do for you?”

She sat across from him and he finally looked into her golden eyes. “You’re a vegetarian? Are you with the Denali sisters?”

She shook her head, “No. But I do know them.”

He said nothing, this was a difficult enough conversation without it being awkward. Bella sighed, it was so difficult to find a gentle place to start that she would have to just jump into the middle.

“You’re my sire.” She said.

Carlisle frowned. “I have no recollection of turning you…” For some reason, Bella was expecting a less calm response. Indignance maybe, he could even accuse her of lying. But no, just a quiet  _ ‘I don’t think so’. _

“You can tell by scent though, right?” She gestured to herself, “smell me.”

He inhaled, and an eyebrow raised of its own accord. “Yes, you do have my scent… but how? I genuinely cannot remember turning you, I swear. I have never been one to turn people and pay no mind to the rest of their existences. I have only sired two before and that was under Volturi orders.”

Bella squeezed her eyes shut. “That’s because you haven’t yet. Turned me, that is.”

“What do you mean?”

“The Volturi have this girl working with them,” Bella said. “She’s gifted. She is able to reverse time.”

“... reverse time?”

“Yes, someone with a shield has to touch her while she reverses it and they will be sent back unchanged. I have a shield, I was touching her, I am now back in time. The Volturi organised the whole thing. They’d just suffered a massive defeat from the Romanian coven and set it up so that I would go back to destroy it before the rebellion could start. In order to make it ‘worth my while’ as Aro put it, I was sent back further so that I can make changes for my family.”

Carlisle stared at her in silence, she bit her lip. Now she had put it out there, she realised what absolute word vomit it was. No one in their right mind would believe her. Carlisle was an intelligent man. A man of science. Maybe that meant he would be swayed by her evidence, maybe not. But all Bella had was hope and that was not a comfortable situation.

“And I am your family?”

“You’re the head of it.”

Carlisle continued to stare at her, a wrinkle formed between his eyebrows. “What time did you come from?”

“November, 2012.” 

Carlisle rubbed his hand over his forehead and eyes, a strangely human gesture. “I know the Volturi is capable of something like this, but you must understand that it is hard to believe.”

Bella nodded, “I understand.” She produced the photo of her, Carlisle and Jasper. “I have proof.”

Carlisle took the picture with a delicate touch. “It’s so clear… and in colour!” He exclaimed, Bella smiled at him. “This is the future?”

“Yes,” she replied. “That’s the future.”

He hungrily searched the photograph, taking in every pixel and smear of the glossy coloured ink. “This is incredible…” he whispered. “In all my existence I have never seen such a thing, a moment perfectly preserved, as clearly as you would see it with your own eyes.”

“And that was just an old polaroid camera!” Bella joked as she rummaged through her bag, “You should see what they could do with professional equipment!”

His excited eyes shot back up to hers, “Can I? Do you have any?!”

_ Drat _ .

“Um… I do.” She said, thinking of the crystal clear wedding photo safely tucked in her bag. “But you may need to wait. I don’t want to tell you too much.”

“Oh…” he sighed, “Well so long as I don’t have to wait a hundred and fifty years, I will manage. I assume that telling me too much will change the sequence of events, prevent you being sent back in the first place and cause all manner of problems?”

“No, actually.” She replied, “It’s confusing, but Aro said that won’t be an issue because I wasn’t sent back in time, time itself was reversed. So because of my shield, even if we prevent my birth, I will be completely fine. Like it’s separated me from my past self. It’s confusing and I’m not sure if I understand it. I’m more worried that if I tell you too much you won’t enjoy things as you would have done.”

“Ah I see, you’d rather things happen organically?” His eyes strayed back to the photo in his hands, “This truly is extraordinary… not only the photograph itself, but the clothes we are wearing… what is that black thing poking out of my pocket?”

“That’s a cellphone,” Bella paused. “Have phones been invented yet?”

“Telephones? A few years ago,” Carlisle grinned like a child at a candy shop. “I saw one last year, it looked nothing like this… and who is this man with us?”

“That’s Jasper Whitlock,” Bella replied, pointing at the blonde man stoically smirking at the camera. “He’s another member of our coven, the only one alive right now.”

Carlisle nodded, “Our coven…”

“I take it that you believe me?” Bella searched her father’s face for the answer. “I know it’s mad and ridiculous and I probably haven’t explained it very well, but I promise you I’m not lying. I have more proof if you need it!” She held up the cassette player and letter that Carlisle had prepared for himself.

His eyes narrowed, “What is that?”

“It’s a cassette player.”

“A cassette?”

Bella decided it would be easier to just show him. She checked the tape was in correctly and pressed play, Carlisle looked on with wide eyes.

_ “It is the year 2012, this is Carlisle Cullen speaking. If all has gone as planned, it should be myself that I am speaking to, as well as Bella - no doubt. In case there is any trouble believing in what she says, allow me to provide further proof.  _

_ You are Carlisle Cullen, born in 1640 to an Anglican vicar. The last words your father ever said to you were to check the chapel wood shed, it was going to be a cold week. You have been living in the US for three years now and you still find it strange. I hope this is enough to convince you of Bella’s honesty, I have written more in the letter addressed to you.  _

_ I sired Bella to be part of my coven and my family. I know you don’t have them yet, but she does. She has gone back to change events, so that we might all come together again with less heartbreak on the way. She is doing us a great service. Trust her. Look after her. She is more than our progeny, she is our daughter.” _

Carlisle’s scared eyes met Bella’s as the tape clicked off. “That was my voice, but different.”

“Different like you’d been living in America for 150 years?”

“Yes, I suppose so…” Carlisle sighed, “You have convinced me. I see no way that what you have presented could be faked. It is just a lot to process…”

Bella breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you for believing me. It’s a lot to deal with, I understand.”

He gestured to the device in her hands, “What is that thing?”

“It’s a tape player,” she grinned. “I don’t think it’ll be invented for another 90 years though, so don’t get too attached.”

Carlisle let out a laugh. “Well, what is your plan? Do you have a plan?”

“I have somewhat of a plan,” she said. “This has all happened very quickly. There are six members of our family, not counting us. Everyone wrote me instructions on what they want changing in their lives. I haven’t sat down and read them all yet because I wanted to find you first.”

He nodded, “So you are going to read all of your instructions and then decide what to do?”

“Yes. My next step is to find Jasper,” she tapped him on the photo. “He’s in the South right now.”

Carlisle’s face aged twenty years in a split second. “Don’t tell me he’s in the Southern Wars.”

“Yeah, he is.”

“... and you mean to infiltrate and bring him back?”

“That was the plan, yeah.”

Carlisle held her gaze for a moment. Bella was actually quite impressed that within thirty minutes of being a father, he had already mastered the ‘why are you doing this’ look. She was, of course, aware of how stupid she was to waltz into a war zone. Jasper had made that clear enough. But even though he and Edward had shielded her from the worst of what happened there, she knew it was pretty damn bad. She had three scars of her own; gifts of venom that had carried through to her vampire life. One from James, one from Victoria, and one from Carlisle. To her three, Jasper had hundreds. So many that they criss crossed over and spiraled around his skin. She could shield him from the worst of it, she could halve those scars.

“He gave me specific instructions,” she clarified. “And made it very clear that I wasn’t allowed to risk my life.”

“Just venturing south of Oklahoma risks your life.” Carlisle heaved a heavy sigh and ran his fingers through his disrupted hair. “I assume you are not planning on leaving right this second?”

“No,” Bella replied. “I have time.”

“Okay, excellent.” Carlisle finally smiled again. “I believe you, I swear. I just need some time to process all this before we go running south.”

She grinned sheepishly, “I’m sorry I’ve burst in here - broke in here actually - and just declared myself your daughter and now you’re stuck with me and my death wish.”

Carlisle rested his hand on hers, “I have always yearned for family, but never wanted to condemn someone else to this life against their will. I assure you, I am perfectly happy to be ‘stuck with you’.”

Bella breathed with relief. When Carlisle said his past self would be willing to accept her story, she didn’t dare believe it. But now she faced her tremendous task with her father by her side, and she felt a rush of hope that she had been devoid of since Aro Volturi appeared on her doorstep. 

“Well,” Carlisle said. “Since we have time, may I propose a location change? I assume life will be very different in the future, do you need help adjusting?”

“Oh my god, yes please.” Bella replied in a rush. “I have no idea what I’m doing, people kept giving me funny looks in the street and I don’t know why.”

Carlisle flinched at the blasphemy but to his credit said nothing. “Most likely because your hair is unbound and uncovered, and your dress looks to be built to accommodate a bustle cage, which you are not wearing.” If he could blush, he most certainly would. “In addition, forgive me... it is rather clear that you are not wearing undergarments. Or petticoats, which is completely unheard of for humans, even the poor.”

“Oh!” Bella suddenly felt self conscious, despite being covered down to her ankles. “It’s funny. I’ve read so many books from this time period and it just didn’t occur to me that I needed petticoats!”

“It does not bother me,” Carlisle laughed. “Many nomads prefer to keep a similar state of undress, or worse. However, I suggest we travel north to remedy the situation. We can hardly go to a human dressmaker. You said you know the Denali sisters?”

“Yes! Or well… I used to.” Bella shifted in her seat. She dreaded having to explain her story again, but couldn’t help but be excited at the prospect of having more familiar faces around her. “In the future we called them our cousins.”

“Well to me thus far, they are simply friends.” Carlisle stood and pulled a large trunk from underneath his dresser, which he started to fill with books. “They are currently living in Quebec. I propose we travel there so they can teach you the nuances of living in this time. I believe they would be more qualified than I.”

“Sounds good to me!”

* * *

Having only been without her father for two days, Bella wasn’t expecting how relieved she was to have him by her side again. He wasn’t her biological father, she was obviously well aware of that. But even though her body and soul were formed by Charlie Swan, her maker in her new life was Carlisle Cullen. As her memories of being human faded away, Carlisle stepped proudly into the role Charlie left.

Bella sat next to him on the wagon he had procured ridiculously quickly. All his belongings sat secure in the back, for them to deliver to a house he owned on the border. They would most likely need to be flexible for the next few years, he had told her. Valuables were a hindrance they could not afford. Bella couldn’t help but agree.

They had been on the road for over two days, held back by the maximum speed of the two horses pulling them along. Thankfully, they were not confined to travel in the waking hours and would simply change horses every now and then and go on their way. Bella was aware that if they pulled the wagon themselves they most likely would have gotten there in half the time, but it would have looked incredibly strange to others on the road. They passed the time telling each other stories, of the past and the future. Carlisle was fascinated by Bella’s accounts of international wars, technological innovations, and gender and racial equality. Her clumsy description of the discovery of Penicillin filled him with a joy so potent it was visible. She handed him his letter from his future self about halfway through their journey, and he impressed her greatly as he controlled the horses over rough terrain and read the fifteen page compendium at the same time.

When Carlisle told her they were a few minutes away, Bella finally collected the courage to read Jasper’s letter to her. It was long, yet concise, and included several bullet points so she would absolutely understand. She would have taken offence at how dumbed down it was if she wasn’t so intimidated by this insanely complicated plan. There were even diagrams of fighting moves, and an intricately drawn map of the area she would find him in. It ended with another plea to not put herself in danger for his sake, which she chose to ignore.

“Jasper’s plan is for me to go find him in the beginning of January,” she told Carlisle.

“So we have a little over a month,” he replied. “Exactly how dangerous is this plan? It doesn’t place you in the middle of a newborn army, does it?”

_ It absolutely did _ . “I’ll explain the whole thing to you once I have my head around it.” She said. “It’s a very complicated plan, he thought of every single possibility. I kind of need a flowchart.”

“He sounds like quite a tactician.”

“Youngest Major in the Texas Cavalry.”

“Was he?” Carlisle smiled as he pulled the horses to a stop in front of a plain, but beautifully situated large log cabin. “I look forward to meeting him.”

He rushed around the wagon to gallantly help Bella down. It was something she would usually feel was unnecessary but she was genuinely struggling with her excessive skirts. 

“A ranger and his family live here to take care of the house for me,” Carlisle led her to the front door. “I would sell the place, but it is difficult to find safe places to store precious things.”

The front door swung open and the smell of fresh blood assaulted Bella’s nostrils. Carlisle just tensed, but Bella threw her hands over her nose and mouth and stopped breathing immediately.

It was a possibility that a vampire had been here. With her breath held, Bella could not tell. She could hear seven distinct heartbeats, but tried her best not to listen to the sullen, wet thumping of ambrosia pumping through their veins. 

“Get down and shut up!” A croaky man’s voice screamed from upstairs. Definitely not a vampire then.

A woman’s scream prompted them to run up the stairs to the master bedroom. Four armed men stood over a mother kneeling in front of her children. The bleeding body of a portly, kind faced man laid on the floor beside them.

He hadn’t been dead long. His blood flowed over the rough floorboards, licking at the nails and dripping through the cracks. Wasted, this was wasteful. 

Bella didn’t realise she was stalking forwards until Carlisle stopped her. He pulled her behind him and replaced her hand over her mouth with his. The sudden change of scents confused her senses and gave her momentary relief from the red haze that scrambled her thoughts. 

“Who the hell are you?” The leader asked, moving his rifle to point at Carlisle. 

“I am the owner of this house.” He growled. “You will put down your weapons immediately.”

The thugs definitely thought about it. Though Carlisle had angelic blonde hair and a kind face, any vampire was scary when murderously angry. Bella was sure that her face was distorted into a snarl that probably scared the children they were trying to save more than the men with guns did.

“Make me.” The leader grunted and thrust his gun in Carlisle’s face.

Carlisle exhaled slowly, calmly reached up, and clenched the barrel of the gun so hard that the metal melded together and the entire thing bent towards the ceiling. 

The humans in the room stared open mouthed. Carlisle spoke to the leader. “Run.”

Three of the men dropped their weapons and ran from the room without a backwards glance. Bella heard the door slam shut and the crunch of their feet on the road outside. But one remained cowering in the corner.

His rifle shook in front of him. “What the hell are you?!” He sobbed. “You’re a demon! A demon sent from hell!”

“If I am a demon, then why are you not running?” Carlisle asked.

He took a step forward and the man panicked. He squeezed his eyes shut and shot ahead of him, not caring where the bullet landed. Unfortunately for him, it hit Bella in the shoulder.

Carlisle was on him in an instant. He wrenched the gun out of his hands and pinned him to the wall by his throat and the offending arm. The man choked and grappled for help, but could not escape the iron grip. He gasped at the snap of his arm breaking in two.

Bella had to stop this. It wasn’t her Carlisle. Her Carlisle was gentle and kind and would never hurt a human.

Her Carlisle was also used to his family facing danger. This one was not. 

Bella needed to speak, but that meant she needed to breathe. The ranger’s body was cooling in the corner, but still smelled like heaven on Earth. Bella dared a glance at the children sobbing on the floor.  _ Think of the children. Think of the children. _

She took a breath and her throat erupted in burning flames. She could not prevent the hiss escaping her lips and the tensing of her legs to pounce, on the poor dead soul and every teasing, delicious heartbeat in the room. 

_ Think of the children. Think of their children. Think of what wonderful lives they will have.  _

“Carlisle.” She croaked through gritted teeth. “Stop. Don’t do this.”

He turned to her, his eyes were black with rage. “He tried to kill you.”

“And he failed.” She gestured to the small ashen hole in the shoulder of her dress and the crumpled bullet lying innocently on the floor. “Let him go. Don’t take a human life. This isn’t you.”

Carlisle closed his eyes and sighed. He increased the pressure of his fingers on the man’s jugular vein until he slowly fell into unconsciousness. He lowered the man onto the floor, snapped a nearby chair leg and stole a bootlace to create a makeshift splint for his shattered arm. After taking a moment to collect himself, he finally turned to the mother and children on the floor.

“Are you hurt?”

* * *

Several hours, a trip to the constable’s office and a generous donation of a wagon later, they set off once again. This time on foot.

“Well that was eventful,” Bella joked. 

Carlisle stayed silent.

Bella couldn’t bear the awkwardness. “So you’re sure Mrs Mulberry won't say anything?”

“She’s a good woman,” he replied after a moment. “She recognises that we saved her and her children’s lives. She won’t tell anyone. I doubt anyone would believe her if she did.”

The tension broke and they spent the remaining run to Quebec in companionable silence. But Bella’s thoughts were racing.

She had never seen this side of Carlisle before. Yes, he was protective, and yes she knew he had killed other vampires before. But he had always been the diplomat where the others were the muscle, infinitely wise and merciful, valuing life above all else. 

His own words echoed around her head. “ _ If this old version of me disappoints you, I am truly sorry.”  _ She had never truly acknowledged the possibility that the great, unmovable Carlisle might disappoint her. That he might be less of a man than she needed. 

Another part of her screamed to the contrary. Of course he reacted the way he did. Despite his incredible control, he still experienced blood lust. His mercy and respect for life meant that he hated murder and evil above all else. An attempt was made on her life, and he snapped. “ _ All I ever yearned for was family, and you are my family.” _

Bella argued with herself until the forest turned to snow and her indecision carried her all the way to Quebec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope my version of Carlisle wasn't too controversial! He's still the same man, but I think his protectiveness would come out in different ways when he's not quite used to his daughter being in danger. He's gonna have to get used to it though!


	5. Clothes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we’re back!  
> So sorry for the delay! It turns out moving is stressful - who knew right? Thanks so much for bearing with me, and to everyone who started reading while I was AWOL, thanks for trusting that I’d come back.  
> This chapter is kind of dull, and kind of short, but we get really into the meat of things next chapter. And it should *fingers crossed* be published on time!  
> In case it wasn’t obvious in this chapter, I am very into historical clothing! If anyone is interested, go check out priorattire on youtube for some wholesome historical fun!  
> Thanks to my bf, my bff, and all you lovely lot x

_“Darling Bella._ I hope you don’t think this rude of me, but I am confused about your breasts.”

Bella peered down at her modest bust in her misshapen blue dress, “What about them?”

Tanya smiled a sheepish smile, “I know you are not wearing a corset, yet your breasts sit so high on your chest. Please forgive me if I am committing a grave error and your breasts are naturally shaped that way. I am just so curious!”

Bella really wanted to laugh, but Tanya looked so earnest that she desperately tried not to. “I’m wearing a ‘bra’. It’s like a corset but it only pushes the … breasts up, it doesn’t restrict the stomach or anything.”

Quick as lightning, Kate shot into the small stone clad room. “Oh! How does it work!? Can I see?!” 

Tanya giggled, “Kate frequently loses herself and snaps the bones in her corsets. She often wishes for an alternative.”

“It is _so_ inconvenient!” Kate gasped, “Tell me, Darling. What kinds of skirts do they wear in your time? Can you run in them?”

Bella stared for a moment at the gorgeous seductresses gazing up at her. When she had first arrived she had been struck. Not by their long blonde hair and pouty lips, she was used to that. The Denali sisters had greeted her clad in gorgeous long dresses, with trains promenading long behind them. While their waists were cinched to a perfect V, their hips shot out so dramatically they were almost horizontal, their bustles extended their backsides so far they looked like shelves. It sounded almost comical, yet it looked right. They had their hair pinned to the back of their heads in cascades of ringlets and their necks ringed with strips of velvet that somehow oozed sexuality without showing a scrap of cleavage or a hint of leg. Bella could not help but feel self-conscious in her stolen gown that she clearly was not wearing right. 

“In my time, women wear trousers.” Bella said, promoting loud gasps from the sisters.

“Like men!” Tanya exclaimed.

“Finally!” Kate groaned. 

Bella summoned up her courage, “How do you get your waists like that?” She asked, gesturing to the sisters’ angular ones. “I know women tie their corsets really tight and restrict their lungs and things to get their waists small, but I assumed we wouldn’t be able to? We’re pretty …unsquishable?”

Kate burst out laughing, “Unsquishable?! Bella, where do you find these words?”

Tanya let out a ladylike giggle and clasped Bella’s hands, “You’re right, Darling. We cannot tight lace, but our clothes are all illusion! We pad our hips and busts and it simply makes our waists look smaller by comparison!”

“Oh! In my time you don’t pad anything except your bra, either you have the perfect body shape or you don’t.” 

“Trust us, Darling, the perfect body shape changes over the decades. No one can reach perfection all of the time.”

“Speaking of perfection!” Irina swept into the room, holding a pile of soft fabric. “I have finished your new corset!”

“It’s been twenty minutes!” Bella exclaimed, “How did you do it so quickly?”

“I’m a vampire, Darling.” Irina swept around Bella, undoing the ties of her dress until it slipped right off her. Bella tried to squeeze her arms around her middle to protect her modesty, but Kate slapped them down. 

“So this is a bra?” She asked, peering at it. “Can I try it on?”

“Sure,” Bella shrugged. “You can keep it. I guess I won’t be wearing one for a few decades anyway.”

Kate squealed with glee as Bella took her bra off and handed it to her. She threw herself into a chair in the corner to inspect the garment with childlike joy. 

Before Bella had time to feel self-conscious, Irina pulled a cotton shift dress over her head and clasped the corset closed over the top of it. 

“I won’t give you a full bustle!” She said, rolling long white stockings over Bella’s knees. “There is no point in you getting used to the fashionable way of dressing when you are leaving society altogether in a few weeks. Who knows what will be in when you come back! I will give you a bum roll.” She held up and crescent moon shaped pad attached to a ribbon and tied it just below her waist. “Your dresses will not fit correctly otherwise.”

Next, she pulled two thick petticoats over her head and buttoned them at the waist. “See the slits in the legs?” Irina gestured to the cuts where Bella’s calves poked through. “My own design, they will make it easier for you to run.”

She buttoned a soft grey blouse over Bella’s chest and tucked it into a thick wool skirt, then smoothed a silk waistcoat over the top. 

“There!” Irina smiled, “Now you are a perfect lady.”

Bella smiled back; it was nice to get to know Irina without the chasm of Laurent’s death between them. 

Tanya dragged over a small stool and stood on it to reach Bella’s hair, which she pinned into a bun on the crown of her head. “Your hair will never stay up when you are running around in the south,” she said. “But you will look a little strange in society with it down. Keep some pins in your bag, Darling.”

The sisters turned Bella to look in the full-length mirror in the corner. She stifled a gasp. Sure enough, her waist looked just like the sisters’, if a little wider as she was simply a bigger person. She looked like something she had only seen in pictures and films, maybe a little like Mary Poppins, and yet like herself. She did not feel constricted, despite the boned corset tight around her chest.

“Just don’t bend over too suddenly,” Kate whispered in her ear. “The boning is not made with us in mind. It can snap if we get over exuberant.”

Bella giggled, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Bella studied herself for a moment, this was an image she would have to get used to for a long time to come.

Irina wrapped an arm around her, “What is it, Darling?”

Bella let out a strange noise that was part laugh and part sob. “I feel so stupid, to be sad about clothes. I just realised that I’m not going to wear jeans and a tshirt again for what? Eighty years? I won’t look like me for such a long time. Alice won’t present me with random outfits to wear for decades... I won’t see her for decades! I haven’t chosen my own clothes since I was a human! Oh God I don’t know what I’m doi-“

“Stop.” Tanya squeezed Bella’s face in her hands and looked her dead in the eye. “You are doing something incredible, Darling. You are in a world that is brand new to you, I am sure that it is terrifying and confusing. But you are doing so well. Look how quickly you found Carlisle! You can do this, but only if you keep your head. Okay?”

Bella nodded and tried to calm herself.

“Besides,” smirked Kate. “If choosing your own clothes is a problem for you, we are happy to oblige!”

Irina squeezed Bella to her side. “I know you miss your family, Darling. But for now, you have us.”

Bella smiled at the sisters in the mirror. They were no Esme, Rosalie or Alice; but they were her family in her own right. They were so trusting and kind to her and Carlisle. Despite Bella’s story being absolutely insane, it only took Carlisle’s word and a look at the polaroid she had brought to convince them. 

As soon as they found out why Bella was dressed so strangely, they dragged her into their large dressing room that took up a huge proportion of their small farmhouse. The sisters had to be careful with how much wealth they displayed, Carlisle told her. Three young, rich women living alone and moving around often would draw a lot of attention. 

“I am curious about how people look in your time, Bella.” Kate said, “I just cannot picture what you have described. You showed us your photograph but you cannot really see much other than a very lovely blouse. Do you have others? And what are ‘jeans and tshirts’?”

Bella did have another. The family portrait of them at Kate and Garrett’s wedding. She knew she shouldn’t really show anyone, the polaroid was necessary to convince people she was telling the truth. The other photo was for her, just for her. Yet she almost felt like her family was slipping away from her. She was becoming ingrained in this new old world where her family meant nothing to anyone but her. If she showed someone else exactly who her family was, what their names were and what they meant to her, it could keep them real and safe in her mind for long enough to find them in person. 

“Yes, I do.” She decided, “But Carlisle can’t see it, it has future spoilers that I don’t want him to know about yet.” 

Bella went to her bag and took out the glossy photograph. She handed it to the sisters and they absorbed it with wide eyes. 

“It’s beautiful…” Tanya whispered, running light fingertips over the shiny surface. “Is this your coven? There are so many of you!”

“Yeah,” Bella joined them. “That’s my coven.”

She smiled lovingly as she described each member to them. Esme’s kindness, Rosalie’s strength, Emmett’s laugh, and Alice’s joy. Kate was particularly enthralled with the formal jumpsuit Alice was wearing. Bella pointed to Jasper, “He’s the one I’m going to find in the south.”

“Well he is delightful…” Irina grinned, “Tell me he is unattached, Darling. He is particularly handsome.”

“Irina!” Tanya exclaimed. “He is covered in scars!”

Irina shrugged, “I like my men dangerous.”

Yeah, she sure did. Bella summoned up a fuzzy memory of Laurent trying to kill her in a field. Very dangerous indeed.

“And who is this man, Bella?” Kate pointed at Edward. Bella’s tongue became a thick lump in the back of her throat. He was so far away from her.

“He looks very close to you,” Tanya prompted. “Just like your Alice.”

Bella felt venom swell in her eyes. “Yes, he was close to me. He was my mate… is my mate. He is still my mate, right?”

The sisters looked at each other for a moment, clearly debating the right answer.

“He is your mate for as long as you feel he is.” Tanya declared. “But, Darling… No one would condemn you if you developed feelings for someone else. I am sure he would not either.”

“I know,” said Bella. “But I don’t think I’m capable of loving someone else like that. I’m happy to wait for him.”

The sisters traded guilty looks. “But what if something goes wrong?” Kate asked, “What if, God forbid, fate does not bring you together again? Will you condemn yourself to a life as a nun?”

“Well hey, if I get to wear a wimple and sing with my sisters all day!” Bella joked pathetically. She would really rather not think about that possibility.

“Ah… wimples.” Irina sighed, “It was much easier to walk about in the sun when we had to be that covered. They had a particular charm about them too.”

Bella was about to ask about it, interested as she was in the sisters’ incredible history, but Carlisle sped into the room.

“I’m back!” He announced, a large grin spread on his face and his hair windswept back.

“We can see that!” Tanya giggled, “Where on Earth did you go? We took Bella to get dressed and you disappeared!”

“A few years ago, an old friend of mine told me he was travelling to an area quite north of here to ‘play with the polar bears’. I went to see if I could track him down and ask him for his help.”

“Did you manage it? Which friend?” Bella asked in a frenzy. Any ally was a good ally.

“Yes, I found him,” Carlisle grinned. “I thought I might ask you which friend. If you recognise him without having met him, it may go some way to convince him of your story. He is waiting outside.”

Bella let herself be ushered back through the farmhouse and out to the front courtyard, desperately hoping that she had in fact met this friend. 

A figure stood at the gate from the road; tall and lanky, with long dark blonde hair tied back from his face, a long brown coat and big leather boots.

“Oh,” said Bella. “Garrett!”

Garrett studied her with his strange ruby eyes. “You know me, do you?”

Bella decided to try her best to prove it. “You were turned during the American Revolution, you pride yourself on being on the right side of every American war-“ 

“Carlisle could have told you that,” he smirked at her.

“- And you were ‘this’ close to biting Custer.” Bella gestured with her hand, directly quoting the nomad from when she first met him.

Garrett stared at her for a moment. 

She panicked, “He is dead now, right?”

“Yes, about ten years ago,” Carlisle chimed in.

Garrett stepped back, “And this is all the Volturi’s doing?”

“Yes.”

“…And Carlisle believes you?”

“I do.” Carlisle said from behind her.

Garrett’s face split into a giant grin, “Well then that’s good enough for me, little time traveller! You say you have met me? How many times? Are we good friends?”

* * *

“I hate that you’re giving up your home,” Bella lamented as the sisters’ packed their trunks onto a wagon. “You really don’t need to, I’ll be okay!”

“Bella,” Tanya turned. “You insist on us not joining you in the South, which we accept for the sake of your plan. But you cannot ask us to sit tight in Canada and wait to find out if you are still alive. Your task could take years!”

“I don’t see the difference between you waiting in Canada and you waiting in Kansas.”

“The difference is a full day of travel time should something go wrong.” Tanya took Bella’s hands and squeezed them, “What if you get found out, my sweet? Are you going to make chase all the way to Canada? At least with us as close as we can safely be, you have a chance of getting to us for help. And with Garrett kindly roaming around the area and reporting back to us, we may be able to somewhat keep in touch with you.” 

Bella bit her lip and studied the floor, it was difficult to accept the people she loved making such huge sacrifices for her.

“Indulge us, Darling.” Tanya flashed a dazzling grin. “You know that if you don’t give us this compromise, Carlisle will find a nice tall tree outside the camp to live in for the foreseeable future. This is really the safest option for everyone.” 

Carlisle absolutely would and Bella was very aware of it. Over the past two months, Bella had spent large amounts of time practicing fighting with Kate and Garrett. Carlisle had hovered on the side lines, ready to jump in, the entire time.

“Now,” said Tanya, sensing Bella’s resignation. “You know the plan. Irina and I will drive the wagon to the new house. You and the others will run down ahead and secure the territory. Okay?”

With a heavy heart and heavy feet, Bella left the farmhouse she had called home for these few months. The first home of her journey. Carlisle, Kate, and Garrett waited for her behind the house and kept in step with her as they set off. Her mind wasn’t on this trip to Kansas, not really. All she could think of was in two weeks time. On the first of January 1886, she would go to Oklahoma; to join the Southern Wars.


	6. Queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished it! Sorry it took so long, but in my defense no one yelled at me. I have in fact already started chapter 7 since it runs on directly from this one, so fingers crossed it'll get here in time! This is a long one to make it up to you. Hope you enjoy it x
> 
> Also the comments and favourites and follows have all been so incredible and motivating. Thank you so much 3
> 
> Big thanks to my bf and bff for prereading for me! Extra thanks to the bf for putting up with my lateness induced whining for the past two weeks

Bella sat on the damp Kansas grass and waited for the new year to dawn. Carlisle and the Denalis were celebrating in the house a few miles behind her, but she had needed a minute alone. She had decided a while ago that when she departed for Oklahoma in the morning, she would leave her letters with Carlisle. If she didn’t come back then at least her family’s wishes would still be carried out. 

So she sat down and reread them all, one by one, maybe for the last time. 

Of course, as a vampire, Bella had a perfect memory and didn’t need to read and reread over again. But there was something soothing in each handwritten note. She traced Esme’s smooth pen strokes, Emmett’s sharp pencil lines and Rosalie’s swirly scrawl. Edward’s writing was large and slanted off the page, one pen had clearly run out of ink halfway and he had switched to another colour. He was rushing, and in a bad place. Bella wished that the last thing she had of him wasn’t from a sad, panicked moment. But still, the love behind it was real, and she needed some of that to keep going. 

She sat back for a moment, just a moment, and let the messages of affection and gratitude wash over her.

_ You are so brave for doing this. _

_ I’m so proud of you. _

_ For God’s sake, please be careful. _

_ Even if you can’t do this, I still love you. _

_ I’ll love you forever, little sister.  _

_ Don’t try to work miracles, your life is more important. _

Bella smiled as she imagined what her family would say if they could see her now, in her Victorian splendour, about to enter a war zone. Despite having come into a world where her family didn’t yet exist, she had managed to both create one and be adopted as the baby of it within two weeks. It was weird to think that she wouldn’t be the youngest anymore, that she would be older than Esme, her mother in all but blood.

Trying not to think about how that might affect their relationship, Bella turned to the small pile of maps, diagrams, timelines and ledgers that Jasper had left her. She absolutely couldn’t bring the whole thing with her, it was huge and impossible to hide. So she was only going to bring two of the few letters she hadn’t opened, one addressed to Jasper himself, and one to Peter. 

The plan was rather intimidating. Complicated too. Bella decided to leaf through the papers one last time, just in case she missed anything. It could hardly even be considered a plan, just a neurotic list of do’s and don’ts and persistent begging for her not to go. Of course she would go, who did he think he was dealing with.

Still, Jasper had told her so much of what not to do, she wasn’t entirely sure of what she should be doing. She took out the paper packet filled with maps and looked over them again. The camp she was heading to the next day was about a 15 hour run away, but she and Garrett would take a very indirect route. She unfolded the next map, but a previously unseen piece of paper floated out and landed on the grass in front of her. Bella snatched it up and read:

_ For a military man, Jasper really does struggle getting ideas across when he’s upset! I keep telling him you can handle it, but he’s so very worried that he’ll end up hurting you. So promise you’ll run if you have to, okay? I know all these plans are super daunting, but I say trust your instincts. You basically just have to get Jaz to like you and you have plenty of practice with that. You have a habit of making us vamps remember our humanity with your cute little ways, so just act like you.  _

_...Perhaps a more cautious you. _

_ Stay safe, I love you. _

_ Alice Xx _

_ PS. I drew you a flowchart of all the instructions, had a feeling you might want one! _

Bella let out a little half laugh half sob when she turned the sheet of paper over and found a flowchart drawn in perfect calligraphy with a pink gel pen. There couldn’t be anything more Alice. 

Alice’s scent drifted up from the crisp paper and Bella couldn’t leave it behind. She added it to the two letters she was bringing with her. Might as well have a reminder of the plan, and a reminder of Alice. The two photographs would also stay with her; one was necessary to convince Jasper and she wasn’t sure she could be without the other yet. 

For all intents and purposes, Bella was ready to go. Carlisle and Tanya had poured over every inch of Jasper’s instructions and had formed a plan on how to support her. Jasper apparently hadn’t counted on her having so much help. Irina had disappeared for about a week without explanation, then returned just as everyone started to seriously worry about her, with heavy bolts of cloth in tow. She had been consulting with every master dressmaker she could find so that Bella had maximum maneuverability, while maintaining her dignity. Jasper would have been absolutely mortified that Bella had spent so much time learning to mend her own clothes when she could have been practicing taking down newborns. 

In her defence, she had practiced whenever Garrett and Kate were available, but they had both been conspicuously absent a lot of the time. Bella tried not to show the joy this gave her; that it didn’t matter what time they found each other, they were compatible nonetheless. 

Despite being ready, Bella was hesitant to go. She had already left one family behind. It hurt her heart to leave this one, perhaps forever. 

Still, she almost had to go. She and Garrett would take their time getting there to avoid the more dangerous areas Jasper had pointed out. They had to leave soon if they were to stick to his plan. 

Bella took a deep breath and gathered up her big pile of letters. The much smaller pile she tucked into her bag, along with her tape player and photographs. She hadn’t come here with much, and now she would leave with even less. Even so, she swallowed her sadness, straightened her spine, and marched back to the house. 

Carlisle was waiting for her on the quaint wrap around porch. “Are you ready?” He asked. 

“Just about.” Bella handed the pile of letters to him. She tapped the top, “I wrote you instructions to find the safe box with everything else buried in it. Just in case, y’know...”

“Yes. I know.” Carlisle glanced down at the stack of paper. “It will never stop being strange, that I hold so much knowledge in my arms.”

“Well try to resist the temptation to read it all,” Bella grinned. “Unless we get to 1911 and I still haven’t come back.”

“I doubt we will allow you to stay there for that long without coming to your aid in some way.”

Bella’s smile turned grim. It had been almost impossible to convince Carlisle not to come with her. She was confident in his and the Denalis’ abilities, but they didn’t know enough about newborns. Bella had tried to explain without giving too much away; that despite having a group of seven mostly gifted vampires and a pack of wolves, they had fought a newborn army and sustained considerable injuries. Plus she had essentially died. That was with Jasper on side. She couldn’t imagine the carnage if just the six of them had to stand against Maria’s well trained army. Especially if Carlisle decided to storm the camp. No. He couldn’t.

“Promise me you won’t.” Bella gripped his sleeve. “I couldn’t handle it if you died, and the others will still need help without me. You are too important.”

“You speak as if I could handle it if I lost you,” he murmured. “You have a way about you, Bella. You draw such strong emotions from our dead souls.”

Bella grinned, “Then trust that I can use that to my advantage. I’ll be okay, I swear.”

Carlisle nodded as the others spilled from the house.

“Here,” Irina handed her a small sewing kit. “I do not want you to have to rely on stolen clothing and be encumbered by it fitting badly. Remember, a stitch in time saves nine.”

“I’ll remember,” Bella pulled her into a hug. “Thank you for doing all this.”

“Just stay safe, Darling.”

“Right,” Tanya gave Bella a quick squeeze. “Are you ready to go?”

"Just about,” Bella said. “Garrett, are you ready?”

Garrett opened his mouth to answer, but hesitated and gaped like a fish. He turned to look at Kate, who seemed incredibly conflicted. Bella’s heart jumped to her throat. Garrett looked like he was having second thoughts about coming with her. She had expected to go alone, but the idea of him coming along so she could have some support system had given her this sense of security she didn’t know she needed.

“I’m coming with you.” Kate interrupted Bella’s panicked musings. Her sisters stared at her with wide eyes.

“Kate, no!” Tanya gasped. “It’s too dangerous! Bella alone staying in that camp is so risky, both of you would seem like too much of a threat!”

“Sister, calm down.” Kate tucked Tanya against her side. “I will not join Bella in the camp. I thought it would be nice to experience being a nomad for a while and Garrett kindly said I could come along.”

“You… and Garrett?” Irina repeated staring between the two of them. “But what if you get hurt?”

“Then I will come running.” Kate kissed her sister’s cheek. “But you know I can take care of myself. Besides, someone has to be there to save Garrett when he inevitably gets himself in trouble.”

“Speak for yourself!” Garrett laughed. The sisters grabbed Kate and held her tight, Bella knew they trusted her abilities just as she did.

She turned back to Carlisle. “See?” She said. “I’ll never get hurt with Kate with me!”

He frowned at her. “She will not be with you, Bella. Only close by.”

She deflated, her smile dropped. “You know what I mean. Please, Carlisle, I have to do this.”

He put the pile of papers down and pulled her into his chest. “I know you do, my child. Please forgive an old man’s worries.”

“Always.” Bella hugged him back. “I’ll miss you.”

He kissed the top of her head. “I’ll miss you too. Two months with you and my life has been irrevocably changed. Thank you.”

Bella breathed in her father’s scent one more time, then slowly pulled away. There was one more thing she needed to do before she left, one more thing to wretch away from her heart.

Bella ruffled through her bag to find the tiny pocket in the lining. “There’s something I need you to keep safe for me.”

“Anything.”

She found the pocket and gingerly presented Carlisle it’s contents, her wedding ring. 

“I can’t lose it.” She said. “And I don’t know what I’d do if it got damaged.”

Carlisle smiled sadly, “Then I will keep it as long as you need. It will be safe, I swear.”

“Thank you.” 

Bella had to tear away from her father to leave with Kate and Garrett. She felt his eyes on her back as she held back her sadness and left her second home. 

* * *

_ Bella, _

_ It is hard to put into words how I feel about what you are doing for us. Despite being an empath, I’m not very good at expressing my emotions. Something I have to work on I guess. Although, technically this version of me doesn’t exist anymore so you’ll just have to tell your version to work on it.  _

“Say Bella,” Garrett said twelve hours later. “Do you know when Queen Victoria will die?”

“You mean the Queen of England?” Bella tried to remember something she had read as a human. “Maybe… 1901-ish?”

Garrett barked out a laugh. “It still astounds me that you just know these things, little time traveler.”

“Well you’ll have to get used to it eventually,” Bella laughed. 

_ My feelings aside, I want to thank you for everything you are doing. Alice has always struggled with not knowing her past and the years she had to wander around to find me. You are doing something wonderful for her and I will always appreciate your sacrifice.  _

_ But; for the love of all that could possibly be considered holy, Bella. Do not risk yourself to save me. Don’t you dare. _

She slowed to a walk and her companions matched it. “Where exactly are we?”

“South Texas. We’re on the edge of Johan’s territory, need to get your scent rubbed all over the place in case Maria checks your story. Go lick some trees.”

Bella’s nose wrinkled, “Do I have to? Can’t I leave some hair around?”

"Your venom is stronger," Kate laughed. "Besides, you won't be so callous with your hair when you realise it will never grow back!"

Well, she had a point. Bella tentatively reached her tongue out and licked a nearby oak tree. She grimaced at the taste and looked back to see if Garrett had changed his mind.

He snorted and gestured around him, “Go on. Get lickin’. We’ll be here when you’re done.”

Bella sighed and got lickin’ while Kate and Garrett got pathetically lost in eachothers’ eyes.

_ It’s hard to attach events to dates, we didn’t exactly have a calendar to hand during the wars. However, I am aware of a time after New Years in 1886, I remember hearing the celebrations. We had just lost a battle against a War Lord named Johan, and about halved our forces. Maria sent me and Peter to scout out a new place to make camp while we attempted to lay low and regroup. I marked the locations on your map. _

“Well,” said Garrett as they reached a small clearing. “I believe this is where we leave you. Far enough away from Johan that when you come here Maria won’t think you’re spying, close enough to the new camp Jasper’s scouting that you can get here and back in twenty minutes. It’s perfect, if I do say so myself.” 

“So you’ll be staying here?” Bella asked.

“For maybe a day, just long enough for you to come running back to us if they try to kill you on sight. We’ll build a little shelter so you can leave things here for us without worrying about rain.”

“Our own little post office,” Kate grinned. “You do have your paper and pencils?”

“Yeah,” Bella patted her bag. “And I’m sure I can improvise if I have to.”

“Yes,” Kate embraced her. “I believe you have proven to us all that you are resourceful and clever enough to do anything.”

Bella returned her hug tight, “Let’s hope you’re right!”

_ The timing is perfect, it took several months of regrouping until we had to fight Johan again. With any luck you won’t see battle. _

“Stay safe, my friend.” Garrett clasped his large hand on her shoulder. “Keep in touch. We will do what we can to protect you from afar.”

“Thank you.” Bella stepped backwards away from the couple. “I guess this is goodbye.”

“We will see you soon.” Kate held her gaze, strong and true. “Stay strong, my Bella.”

Bella nodded and took in the sight of her friends for a final second. Then she turned and walked away from possibly the only friendly faces she would see for a long time.

Too suddenly the trees thinned and the sound of them faded. She was alone again.

* * *

_ This is a unique opportunity as Peter and I will not be there when you first arrive. This may sound counterintuitive, but you need to go to Maria while we are gone. Charm her and befriend her before we come back. Despite the horrible things she has done, Maria loves making new allies. She is like Aro in her need to entertain interesting things, so make yourself interesting.  _

Bella enjoyed the sights around her as she ran towards the southern tip of Texas. The camp was an hour away if she travelled at top speed, but she chose to go more slowly. She was in no hurry to join a war. The trees became less and less common and the lush grass died into shrubland. It reminded her a little of Arizona, where her scant childhood memories took place. 

Bella almost stopped when she hit the scents of other vampires. Not one or two, but twenty or thirty. The air was sickly sweet with the smell of venom and smoke. Still smouldering bonfires laid out to the side of her. The smell was so strong that she almost didn’t pick out the one so familiar to her; wood and spice mixed with ash and regret. Jasper had been here, this must have been the site of Maria’s defeat. Bella tried to ignore the sight of the harrowing battlefield and the sense of dread it created in her. This was perfect really, now she had a trail to follow straight to the camp. 

_ Getting into the camp will be tricky. This is going to require more confidence than you usually have. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT try to sneak into the camp. They will assume you are a spy from Johan and kill you on sight. You need to walk in like you have every right to be there. They will be aggressive at first, but so long as no one gives an order to kill you you should be okay.  _

Bella slowed to a walk as she neared the encampment. It looked almost human, large tents covered the area from her curious eyes. She had to suppress the instinct to find a high place and spy first. They would detect her immediately and all this effort would be for nothing. 

Bella took a deep breath and immediately regretted it. The camp stank of blood. What she had meant to soothe herself instead set her throat on fire. She held her breath and willed the feeling to go away, it only dimmed a little. She swallowed the venom that had welled up in her mouth. This experience would either desensitise her to blood and make her control that much better, or break it and give her a craving for life. In the midst of bloodlust she wasn’t sure what she wanted. She couldn’t imagine being in this environment for her newborn year, it was hard enough being a few years old. She knew from Jasper that they would starve the newborns to make them more vicious, add that to the stench and she could see why that would drive them insane. 

She needed to keep walking. Standing motionless at the edge of a camp was a clearly aggressive gesture, so she took a step forward and started moving towards the middle of the camp. 

It was obvious when the diminished army noticed her. The newborns were preoccupied, nursing wounds and severed arms and legs that were slowly binding back to them. Their eyes were deep black, starved of nourishment. 

A broad man zipped in front of her, clearly not a newborn but he had the edge on her in speed with his youth. Bella decided he must be one of the lieutenants Jasper had mentioned from his intact clothing. 

“Who the hell are you?” He hissed in a strong Mexican accent. 

_ If one of the lieutenants gives an order to kill you, run. Just run. I already taught you how last time we saw each other.  _

“My name’s Bella,” she replied, trying to exude a confidence she didn’t possess. “I’m here to speak to Maria.”

A low growl rumbled towards her from the pack of newborns, the lieutenants eyes somehow darkened further. 

“And why should I let you near her?”

“Because I have something she wants.” Bella forced herself to smirk. “Something that can ensure she never faces a defeat like this again.”

The lieutenant looked unconvinced, she decided to take a risk. “If Maria decides not to let me stay, feel free to kill me.”

She could almost hear Jasper screaming at her from the far away future. 

He glared at her for a second, then unceremoniously turned and walked towards a large tent on the edge of the camp. Bella inferred that she was supposed to follow. 

As they travelled through the camp, Bella saw something she hadn’t noticed from her vantage point before. The epicentre of the stench was a large pit in the centre of the vamp. The walls were spattered with smears of human blood. Clean lines streaked through it as if someone had tried to lick it all off. They must keep their human prey in the pit, she realised, to contain the carnage. 

At the back of the tent there sat a tiny woman in a huge raised chair. She lounged languorously with her head draping over one of the tall arms. Her long black hair tickled the ground below. Five other newborns surrounded her, their eyes glued to her form. A queen in her court. Maria. 

She turned her disinterested stare towards Bella and the lieutenant. “Who on Earth is this, Anton?” She asked unnecessarily, as she must have heard their exchange earlier. 

“Some northerner,” He grunted. “Says she has something you want, Ma’am.”

Maria straightened and peered at Bella’s face. “Such strange eyes. Best tell me who you are outsider, before my men rip you limb from limb.”

_ I trust in your ability to charm vampires, after all you charmed all of us. However, Maria will be feeling paranoid after her defeat. You can not make a misstep at this initial meeting. Here is exactly what you need to say: _

“My name is Bella,” She said. “I heard of your recent defeat from Johan’s coven.”

Maria’s eyes narrowed, “What of it?”

“He had a gifted newborn with him, correct? Who scrambled your army’s thoughts and made it almost impossible for them to fight. You only survived by ordering a retreat and he took large amounts of territory from you.”

Anton growled and lowered into a light crouch, Bella eyed him warily.

“How do you know this?” Maria asked, “Are you with him?”

“No, I can’t stand him.” Bella made herself smile. “I’m not from round here, I’m just travelling around. Observing. I didn’t want to get involved, but Johan disrespected me. I want to teach him a lesson and you’re my best bet to do it.”

“As much as I appreciate revenge,” Maria said. “I still have not heard a reason to let you keep your life.”

“I have a gift of my own.” Bella said. “I’m a shield, completely immune from mental powers. Including Johan’s newborn’s.”

Maria sniffed and gestured for her to continue.

“I can expand my shield over wide areas.” The court leaned forward, interested. “With enough concentration I can cover specific people, even in battles. 

“Johan is planning to attack you again in five months,” She continued. “He is rather open with his plans. Without a defence against his gifted newborn you don’t stand a chance. So use me. Let me protect your army from him.”

Maria’s ruby red eyes bore into her for a moment, then she broke into a wide smile. “If what you say is true, then I’m sure I can find a use for you. You have to prove it, of course.”

“Certainly,” Bella replied. “Do you have anyone with a mental gift?”

Maria’s lips pursed, “Just two. One isn’t here right now.”

Bella thanked her lucky stars again that Jasper wasn’t there. Despite his powers appearing mental, they were physical and not stopped by her shield. She doubted that they knew that.

“Anton here is a tracker,” Maria gestured to the man standing beside Bella. “He can track anyone’s mind right to the spot they are standing in. He will run out of earshot, and you will shield me so he can not find me. Understood?”

“Perfectly,” Bella smiled. 

Anton gave a quick bow to his queen and ran out of the tent. Bella waited until his footsteps faded into nothing and stretched her shield over the grinning Warlord. She knew it worked when much faster thuds returned into earshot and a panicked tracker raced back into the tent.

“Ma’am I couldn’t sense you!” He gasped. “For a moment I thought you were dead and my heart ripped in two!”

Maria laughed and clapped her hands together in glee. “Incredible!” She announced. “You truly may be our salvation, Belle!”

Bella made the decision not to correct her name. 

Anton’s eyes darted wildly about him. “So she will stay?” He asked.

Maria darted out of her throne towards him, he somehow cowered away from the much smaller woman. “Do you question me?” She asked. 

“No Ma’am…”

“Good.” Maria turned to Bella and began to play with her hair. Bella tried not to flinch back. “Our strange eyed friend shall stay. Come sit with me my Belle, and explain them to me. Such a beautiful gold, like the eyes of a hawk.”

_ Be careful with your diet, it is possible that she will enjoy the spectacle of a vegetarian vampire, but she may also be threatened by it. If she insists you drink from a human, just do it. I know you don’t want to and it goes against everything you believe in, but if there’s a human in the camp they are already doomed. It is more important that you stay alive. Befriend Maria, stay in her good books, keep close to her and avoid the newborns until we return. She needs to convince me not to kill you when I come back. We leave on the morning of January 1st and return the next day at nightfall.  _

Bella smiled and let herself be led back to the throne. Maria watched her enraptured as she explained her animal diet. 

“If I decide to kill a human, I like to enjoy it.” Bella quoted Jasper’s instructions. “When I have human blood for every meal, I don’t appreciate the taste or get as much joy from watching the life drain out of their eyes. You understand that desire, I believe.”

Maria giggled in delight. “You are a woman after my own heart, my Belle. I must confess I am in awe of your dedication. To put so much effort into enjoying a kill. How diabolical. I am happy for you to continue your diet, so long as it does not interfere with my army, of course.”

Bella smiled back at her. “Of course, I would never dream of it.”

Maria clasped her hands. “I have a feeling we will be great friends, my Belle. Jasper, my second in command, will be so pleased when he comes back. Our defeat stressed him greatly. It took so much to convince him to leave me, poor dear.”

Bella stiffened at the name of someone she cared so much for coming from the mouth of someone so cruel.

_ Remember that I will not be the man you know now, if a strange vampire with strange eyes were to just walk into my territory I would kill them without question. I know you hate Maria, and that she goes against everything you believe in; but you need her. _

“He sounds like a dedicated soldier.”

“Oh he is!” She gushed. “I must confess I am quite proud of him. So dedicated to me.”

Bella glanced outside as Maria continued to tell her all about Jasper and the battles they had won together. It was the second of January and the sky was darkening.

_ She is not the threat to you here, not really. I am.  _

Two blonde men were running in from the distance.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm a tease! I'm sorry!


	7. Physical

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHOCK HORROR THIS IS ON TIME! I did tell you I was ahead of the game last chapter! I have the entire Jasper arc so meticulously planned that hopefully it’ll be much easier to write. This is so on time it feels early!  
> BTW, I will be subscribing to the IDreamofEddy model of Peter just knowing shit. I’ve always found it incredible that our community can create things that become so widespread they’re practically canon. Even full characters. It’s amazing.  
> Fair warning, the story is about to get quite a bit darker. I’ll be putting trigger warnings at the beginning of chapters so you can avoid things if you want to. I don’t plan on getting too graphic though. At least not yet ;)  
> Thanks to the bf for literally going through this entire thing with me and adding a whole page’s worth of input. He’s the best, seriously.

Maria hadn’t yet noticed Jasper running over the horizon, so Bella savoured the second to gather her thoughts. She didn’t know how to feel about seeing him. The Jasper she knew was so tortured from the events here. He hated himself and he hated who he used to be. His lack of control around humans knocked his ego and his confidence more than he wanted people to know, but Bella had noticed how his behaviour changed when she was turned. How when she had been a human he had almost shrunk away from her for fear of hurting her, but when she was reborn he showed who he really was. He would straighten his spine, laugh and joke in front of her, it was only then that she truly got to know him. He wasn’t weak, he was a leader. 

She knew she was about to be introduced to a Jasper who did not regret his actions, who did not think twice about the murder of innocents, who would be disgusted by the kindness and gentleness his future self had. And that scared her.

“Major!” Maria called, spotting him as he crossed the threshold into the camp. “Come here! I have someone I want you to meet!”

Bella had seen a lot of Jasper over the years. She had seen a lot of emotions cross his face; love, fear, pride, joy. But never before had she seen this, a look so startling that she was blind to everything about him. Pure and utter fury.

Jasper didn’t stop as he entered the tent. He continued to stalk forward and grab Bella by the throat, hoist her into the air and snarl into her face.

Maria giggled. “My Major, what an angry boy. What are you doing?”

“I caught her scent on the way here,” He growled. “She came from Johan’s camp. She’s a spy.”

Instinct told Bella to struggle, that she could be ripped limb from limb at any second. But she knew that would do nothing, Jasper would always be stronger than her and she would lose her cover. The restraint took a lot of effort, she was overwhelmed with the fact that he had actually attacked her on sight. Despite the countless warnings, she hadn’t been truly expecting it. 

“Oh she’s no spy, my sweet!” Maria came up behind him and started running her fingers through his matted blonde hair. “I interrogated her myself. She is our new friend, and the key to defeating Johan.”

Jasper glared into Bella’s eyes. “Her eyes,” He said. “What’s wrong with them?”

“She drinks from animals!” Maria lifted herself to her tiptoes and nuzzled the crook of his neck. “Isn’t that intriguing? Devious too, she says it makes human blood all the sweeter. But you should talk to her yourself!” She reached around his back and cupped his jaw in her hand. “Put her down. My love.”

Jasper hesitated, then dropped Bella unceremoniously to the ground. “Who is she?”

Maria waved him off. “First, tell me what you found on your travels. You returned earlier than expected.”

Jasper’s eyes snapped from Bella back to his Mistress and his expression morphed from anger to adoration instantly. “I didn’t want to leave you too long, considering the circumstances.” He sighed. “I am glad you’re still unharmed.”

He didn’t look glad. In fact he looked like his soul had been sucked from him. Bella took the opportunity to get a good look as she scrambled up from the ground. The most obvious difference in him was his bright ruby red eyes, the next was his clothes and hair. He was filthy, his face was streaked with mud, his hair matted with knots. She thought back to the Jasper she had left, primped and clean to within an inch of his life, he never wore the same clothes twice. Thanks to Alice.

Mid-sentence, Jasper’s gaze shot to her. His eyebrows pulled into the centre of his forehead and his eyes widened, he looked bewildered. Startled, Bella could only stare at his face. Despite the layer of dirt, she could see an area above his right eyebrow; once marred with a shining scar, it was now smooth and unblemished. She couldn’t help but hope that she had saved him from that bite.

Jasper’s expression intensified, he took a quick step toward her. 

“Major!” Maria interrupted. “You were telling me about the new location?”

He turned back to her, his previous confusion faded back into the adoration he showed before. “Yes, my apologies Ma’am. Since we need to lay low and replenish our numbers, I scouted a place near Austin. We can pick people off without much suspicion, not as conspicuous as wiping out full villages.”

Maria pouted, “You wish to starve me?”

“No!” Jasper shot forward and took her hands in his. “I would never wish any ill on you. But if we are so easily found, Johan will come back and wipe us out. I only wish for your safety.”

“But still,” Maria’s lip wobbled in an excellent show of feigned despair. “No running out the villages? How will I entertain myself?”

Jasper smirked. “I’m sure we can find something to get your urges out.”

Bella resisted her urge to retch.

Maria smiled and sagged in his arms. “You are sure this is the only way?”

“In the long term,” Jasper brought her knuckle to his lips and kissed it slowly. “Imagine the power you’ll gain when you take Johan’s territory, and the pleasure when you rip his head from his shoulders.”

Maria finally giggled again. “That does sound delicious.” She purred. “But I must insist on one last raid. I will miss it so. Besides, the children haven’t fed in such a long time, we don’t want them to go rabid in the big city - do we?”

“No, we don’t.” Jasper’s lips upturned, transfixed on the warlord’s words.

“Excellent!” She pulled away from him and turned to Jasper’s blonde companion. Bella had been so distracted by Jasper and his strange relationship with Maria that she didn’t even notice Peter standing off to the side of her. Like Jasper he was absolutely filthy, and had less scars than she last saw him with. She had never gotten to know him much, only seeing him on two occasions before. She had a feeling that would change. 

Maria snapped her fingers in Peter’s direction. “Go rally the troops, boy. We leave in a few minutes.”

He bowed and left the tent. It was strange to see him so compliant. 

Maria gave one last laugh and swept away from Jasper and turned to the entrance of the tent, Anton followed at her heels.

“Wait,” Jasper said. “Maria, you said this girl would help us?”

“Oh yes!” Maria ran back to Bella and stroked her tiny fingers over her cheeks. “Belle here is a shield! She can protect others from mental powers, and has offered to help us against Johan’s little weapon! Isn’t that excellent?”

Jasper frowned. “A shield? You’re sure?”

Anton cut in. “I tested her. Are you doubting my abilities?”

“Not currently, but-”

“Now, who will guard the camp while the rest of us are gone?” Maria interrupted.

“Peter and I will,” Jasper said. “We fed on the way here.”

“Perfect,” Maria turned back to Bella. “Will you come with us, Belle?”

“Thank you, but no.” She replied, a smile stretched on her lips. “I fed earlier today.” 

Bella desperately searched Maria’s expression, hoping she wouldn’t question it and let her stay away from the reckless murder of an entire village. She wanted to stop it happening more than anything, but what could she do?

“Oh!” Maria patted her cheek. “Denying yourself for your next human meal? How devious. I can’t wait to see the look on your face the next time you taste human blood!”

Bella tried not to grimace, it would also be the first time she tasted human blood. Just thinking about it was making her throat flare into flames, she held her breath. Jasper raised an eyebrow in her direction. 

“How excellent,” Maria swept to the exit once again. “You three can guard the camp and Jasper can get to know you Belle.” She simpered, “I hope you grow to be great friends!”

Bella made to follow, but stopped as she felt a sharp jabbing sensation against her shield. Someone was trying to break in. She looked around herself and found Anton staring at her, a hungry look haunting his eyes.

He must have been trying to track her. Bella walked away like she hadn’t noticed anything, hoping he wasn’t more powerful than he appeared. 

Maria and Anton zipped to the crowd of newborns milling around the middle of the camp. “Come!” Maria called. “I will not tolerate stragglers!”

The army trickled from the camp, leaving Jasper and Bella standing in front of the head tent and Peter near the pit below. Jasper stared at her. 

“They say you’re a shield?” He demanded. His accent was thicker, she realised, than the one she remembered. It made sense, he hadn’t lived in the south for several decades when she knew him. 

“Yes,” She responded. “Against mental gifts.”

“Then why,” He stepped close, towering over her, intimidating her. “Are you not blocking me?”

“No clue,” Bella realised nobody had actually told her what Jasper’s was. She tried to project confidence, even though she was panicking inside. “What’s your gift?”

“I can feel your emotions,” He grumbled as she danced back a little. “And manipulate them.”

“Well, are you sure that’s mental?” She asked.

“What?” He sneered. “What else could it be?”

“Well your emotions aren’t all in your head, are they?” She was improvising, which was dangerous. “You don’t just feel them in your mind, you feel them in your body too.”

He just stared at her, she continued. “Like maybe when you make people feel fear, you don’t make the brain think it’s afraid, you trigger an adrenaline rush that feels like your reaction to fear.”

“Adrenaline?” That damn eyebrow crept up. “The hell is that?”

_Oops._ Bella realised the additional problem with the situation she was in. She was completely out of practice with censoring herself, having lived with people who both knew and enjoyed the fact that she was from over 100 years in the future. This was the first time she would have to make someone actually believe she was from this time.

“Chemical that just got discovered.” She bluffed. “It’s what your body releases when you’re afraid. Don’t you get newspapers down here?” She grinned, desperately trying to project that she was teasing and hide her fear. 

Jasper grunted, “Don’t deflect me.”

“Well think of it this way.” Bella met his eye and tried to appear as genuine as possible. “You don’t feel fear in your head. In fact, when you’re scared you can barely think. You feel a clenching in your stomach, a tingle in your spine. You can’t stop your eyes going wide. If we were human we would feel our hearts race and our pulse in our ears. That’s all physical.”

Jasper smirked and invaded her space again. “I see. Just like anger.”

“Anger?” Bella tried to ignore the strength of his scent surrounding her, the familiar spice almost smothered by dirt and blood. 

“Mmhm,” He nodded. “Your muscles tense, fists clench.” 

She smothered a gasp as her arms locked up, her nails dug into her palms.

He leaned in and whispered in her ear, “Your chest pushes out, you can’t release your breath.”

Bella gulped, smothered by his scent.

“You can’t think of anything but what you’re focusing on.”

She couldn’t see anything but him.

“Your ears ring, your face _burns._ ”

Bella could barely think. She couldn’t escape this unbearable fury descending on her. She hated him, she needed to sink her teeth into his neck and rip his head from his shoulders-

Then as quickly as it started it stopped.

Bella shook her head to clear it and realised the position she and Jasper were in. They stood chest to chest, their faces inches apart. His fingers lightly rested on her forearms. 

She took a step back and reclaimed her space. “Don’t... do that.”

Jasper snorted and turned away. “Maybe you’re right. It is physical.”

Peter finally made his way to them at human pace. “You hazin’ the new kid, Major? Didn’t think it was ya style.”

“Funny.” He deadpanned and set off down the camp.

Peter offered a smile to Bella, “Name’s Peter by the way. I prefer it over ‘boy’.”

She grinned, “Bella.”

“Really?” He asked, “Maria was callin’ ya Belle.”

“Yeah… well…” She really wasn’t very sure what she was allowed to say about Maria. Jasper seemed so attached to her, almost fanatical.

“She’s not easy to correct, eh?” Peter smirked and winked a blood red eye. “I get it. Nice to meet ya, Bella.”

“Nice to meet you too, Peter.”

He gave her a funny look. “Say, what’s a well to do Northerner doin’ all the way down here?”

She glanced at Jasper, who had turned to look at her some distance away.

_Remember, I can sense when you lie. You can twist the truth, it’s pretty rare someone doesn’t in some way. But if you flat out lie, I will know._

“I’m looking for someone,” She carefully replied. “Figured the best way to find him was integrate myself into the local ‘culture’.”

“Well I guess that’s one way to do it,” he smirked and gestured to a plume of smoke in the distance. “Looks like they’re nearly done. Newborns don’t like to take their time.”

They really didn’t, it had barely been twenty minutes.

Peter trotted down to another part of the camp, leaving Bella alone to her thoughts. Could she really live like this? She had thought that this time in general was so alien to her, but this was a whole different world. She understood what Jasper had told her, that this wasn’t a place she belonged in. But she couldn’t find him and know him, then turn her back on him. Not now. If she didn’t belong here, she would have to adapt until she did.

Several minutes later the newborns rushed back into the camp and immediately began taking the tents down on Jasper’s orders. She stared as the moonlight bounced off him. Where his skin once cast rainbows through the overlapping ridges, he only glimmered from the occasional bite.

Newborns ran behind her and started dismantling the large tent there. She wasn’t ashamed of the fact that they scared her. They wore what could only be described as rags, either stolen from their victims or perhaps kept from when they were humans themselves. They had overindulged on human life, so their eyes shone red in the darkness. They were rabid and stank of blood, maybe driven insane by their own smell. One snapped a pole by accident, strong, unpredictable. 

His mistake did not go unpunished long. Out of nowhere, Jasper had ripped the man’s arm clean off his torso. He landed screaming in the mud.

“Sloppy work,” Jasper growled. “No care taken.”

The man started sobbing. Bella could feel the waves of fear and remorse Jasper was pumping out from where she stood metres away.

“Please!” He cried. “I’m sorry!”

“Are you?” Jasper asked and popped a digit off the man’s severed arm. He howled in pain.

“Yes! I am! I’ll be more careful!” He was so distraught, gasping in air as if he needed it.

“Good.” Jasper threw the newborn’s arm at him, but held up the finger he took. He stared at it keenly like a new trophy. “I will keep this until you prove that.”

The newborn laid still for a moment, snivelling on the ground. Then Jasper shot him a look and he dragged himself up, scrambling after the others. He cradled his disfigured arm against his chest, still not attached to his body. 

Bella felt numb, there was nothing else to describe it. What she had just seen was brutal, maybe even evil. She had to remind herself, Jasper came back from this before, he could - no, _he would_ \- do it again.

“You coming?” Peter tapped her on the arm. Startled, she turned back to the rest of the camp only to find a muddy field and a large pit. Jasper stood at the head of the gaggle of newborns, they were moving out.

“Yeah.” She whispered, and followed him to join the rest of the army. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, and for all the ratings, reviews and follows. You guys rock xx


	8. Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Christ we’re back! Hope you enjoy this chapter! I know Jasper’s character isn’t very likeable right now, and he’s probably not what you want him to be. But he will be! Boy’s gotta develop!  
> Disclaimer, I disclaim.  
> Thanks to my boyf for prereading this for me  
> And thank you for all the comments that I am awful at replying to!

The new camp was disgusting, a demon filled cesspit. But Bella had her own room so she couldn’t really complain.

Well, more of a tree than a room. But it was taller than the other trees so Bella could at least pretend to have privacy, despite the lack of winter leaves.

The past two weeks had been, quite frankly, boring. Bella vaguely remembered a phrase she knew from her human days, half of war was waiting. Thus far, all of war was waiting. Even Bella’s little ‘side project’ of convincing Jasper to give up the fighting and come home with her was on hold for the time being. Like a good little soldier, she was following his instructions to a T.

_If you manage to convince Maria to let you stay, first of all well done. That is an incredible thing that never actually happened during my time in the wars. You have already done so well. But because it is so unlikely and strange, I will most likely be on my guard around you. Stay out of my way._

_I know you will want to grab me and get out of there as quickly as possible. Resist the urge. If you do anything too suspicious I will be on you faster than you can run. You need to wait until I am comfortable enough with you being present to do anything that might draw attention, including talking to me._

_I will most likely be comfortable once I am willing to leave you in the camp without me. But you need to use your intuition. I don’t need to tell you what will happen if I think you’re a threat. Promise me you’ll be careful, Bella. Don’t underestimate me._

After 16 days, 5 hours and 17 minutes of waiting, she finally had a chance to do something. Jasper was leaving the camp along with Peter, Anton and four newborns to round up some humans for dinner. The last two times he had refused to go, preferring to send an older newborn in his place and ‘ _guard the camp_ ’. Meaning keep an eye on her.

But he was finally going! She had made sure to sit on a lower branch of her tree when he was discussing it too, so he didn’t think she was hiding. A whole lot of effort had gone into appearing as inconspicuous as possible for the past two weeks, she was glad to finally have a break.

Her plan was to send a note to Carlisle, by leaving it in the safe place Garrett had built. He had been told to be patient at first while she settled in, but there was only some time before he would get too antsy and set off for Texas. She also really needed to hunt, the only animals that would go anywhere near a camp full of vampires were birds, and they were almost worse than starving.

Jasper would be gone for at least five hours, which was plenty of time to do everything she needed. They would get to Austin within half an hour, but once they rounded up all the humans they needed they had to shepherd them back at human pace. The newborns hated it.

Bella wouldn’t take her full five hours though. She was allowed to wander off, Peter did it all the time and he had even less status than her. But this was her first excursion out and she really didn’t want to get caught sneaking off while Jasper was gone. Twenty minutes to get there and back, ten more to catch a deer or something on the way. That would have to do.

Were there deer in Texas? She guessed she would find out.

Bella quietly moved to a lower branch as she heard Jasper prepare to move out. She would make sure to be in exactly the same spot when he got back, catch his eye and then dart back up the tree before the bloodbath started. Totally fine, perfect plan.

Just as he was about to leave, Jasper turned and looked at her. He was much nicer to look at once he’d had a wash in the river nearby. Nicer to smell too. Maria had sat him in between her legs a few days after they had arrived and worked the tangles out of his hair with her fingers. Bella tried to block out what they did afterwards.

He didn’t look as furiously suspicious as he had before, he had definitely gotten used to her. Bella even got the feeling that at this point he might rip her limbs off as a warning if she crossed him, as opposed to just killing her outright. An improvement indeed. Still, he was looking at her very intently, and Bella started to feel concerned that he might change his mind, stay at the camp or God forbid make her come with him. She had managed to avoid actively participating in the murder of humans so far.

About ten seconds later, although it felt like a lifetime, he made an abrupt turn and barked at the troops to follow him. Bella almost sighed with relief, she would be free to go after all. Plus, she was one step closer to getting him out of this wretched place.

Once the sound of thundering footsteps faded away, Bella climbed back up to the very top of her tree. She poked one of her hairpins through a leaf to maintain her scent; wouldn’t want anyone to smell that she was gone, then she waited until someone started making noise in the camp to drop soundlessly to the ground and run south.

Bella began to run in a straight line through the trees towards the little post office, but she soon caught a whiff of Jasper’s newborns far to her right. She decided to circle around in the opposite direction, it would add five minutes to her journey but at least she would avoid detection.

The pleasant familiar scent of Kate and Garrett reached her soon after her little detour. Her empty chest warmed with the comfort of family nearby. The rough soil trod path to the clearing was marred with their footprints. They lead to the door of a tiny wood cabin, a shed really. At about four feet on each side, it was just big enough to stand in. The clumsy ramshackle door had been painted butterscotch yellow, the colour of her eyes. Bella tentatively creaked the door open and found a single shelf before her with a single envelope lying upon it. She greedily snatched it up to read its soothing message.

_Little traveler,_

_I hope you enjoy our little post office! It has been a while since I built something with my bare fair hands so I certainly had a wonderful time. Katie, of course; supervised._

_We are currently wandering about to the north should you need us. We will tell you when we change direction, just in case you have to make a run for it. You are not to worry, we are being careful avoiding all the other covens. Your little friend’s maps have come in very handy. Be sure to thank him for me!_

_Wishing you good luck my friend!_

_Garrett_

Okay so maybe it wasn’t quite as soothing as she wanted it to be. Still, it was good to know where her friends were and from the smell of things they had been there no more than two days before. It stung a little to know that they were having a good time while she was risking her life and sanity in a God forsaken war camp, even if it was her decision.

Bella tucked the little letter in her bag and replaced it with a note she had scribbled out in her tree.

_Everyone,_

_I’m okay! I’m in the new camp, exactly where Jasper’s letter said it would be._

_I’ve spoken to him. He’s different from the man I knew, but I think that’s just because of time. His anxiety is certainly still there, I can only get out to the post office now because he’s been watching me like a hawk for ages._

_Peter is pretty great. I’ve been trying to avoid talking to people while I’m building up trust, but he’s difficult to avoid. You’ll all love him._

_You’ll love Jasper too, it just might take a while._

_But anyways, I’m okay, I haven’t had to kill anyone yet, and Maria’s scary._

_Love you, Bella xoxo_

She knew it was silly to think that addressing a letter to her family like a postcard from camp would calm their nerves, but what was she supposed to do? Tell them how disgusting it was? Tell them how during feeding time she had to clamp her hands over her nose and mouth and wait hours for the smell to dissipate? Tell them how she watched the man she was trying to save rip off someone’s finger and keep it? Not going to happen, she would settle with pleasantries and hope they would do.

Begrudgingly, Bella turned to leave. By her calculations she had been gone for 17 minutes, it would take 15 more to get back to camp if she needed to take a detour again, not to mention catching something to eat. Every second counted.

On her way back she kept an ear out for some kind of animal, but there was nothing. The newborns had really done a number on the wildlife population, the area was empty and deadly silent. Bella was forced to turn and run west from the camp, hoping that the further away from the trail to Austin she got, the more wildlife she might find.

It took 20 minutes of running until she finally heard a deep wet thudding of a heartbeat. She hoped for a deer, but ended up stalking a sleeping coyote from her perch on a nearby oak. She had never tried a coyote before, it almost seemed like foreign cuisine.

Bella leapt from the tree, careful not to catch any of her skirts on the branches or splash any blood on her delicate collar as her teeth slid into the predator’s soft neck. It was dead before it even had time to wake up. It had a mildly spicy flavour, nicer than elk but not as good as bobcat.

Bella straightened from her position hovering over her prey and lifted it gingerly away from her clothes to drop it in a hollow under a tree, hopefully to rot and feed the soil one day. She had a think and realised she had been away from the camp for half an hour longer than she intended. Immediately, she turned and sprinted back to camp. She knew she was close when the background noise of the forest faded away and dead silence overtook.

Her tree was right on the edge of camp, nice and thick and gnarly, with wide flat branches at the top for her to put things on. It was close enough to the tents that she was visible to Jasper, but far enough to not have newborns nipping at her heels. It was perfect. Needless to say, she was very attached to this tree. She had even considered chiseling her name into the trunk to lay claim, but thought it might be too conspicuous.

She reached it after 13 minutes of running, as she sprinted back through the detour and knocked two minutes off. Careful not to make any noise, she leapt to a thick branch 6 feet up and began to climb to the top.

There was a very particular branch that was the perfect size for Bella to settle on, shielded from view by branches and close enough to the top for the sun to dance on the dewdrops in the morning. It was Bella’s favourite.

And a snarky blonde vampire was lying on it.

“Oh good mornin’ Belle,” Peter grinned. “So nice of you to join us!”

Bella panicked. Peter was supposed to have gone with Jasper. She never would have left had she known he would stay. If he turned her in they might follow her scent and find the post office, her cover would be blown and she would never get Jasper out of here. She had to negotiate this situation extremely carefully or she could lose everything and everything she had gone through so far would be for nothing and-

Peter snorted. “Well it’s clear you were up to summin! Your eyes are so wide I can see into your skull!”

Bella shut her eyes immediately, for no logical reason.

“Calm yerself, Bella.” Peter grinned at her as she peeked her eyes back open. “I won’t rip your head off, promise.”

“Then what are you doing in my tree?” Bella asked, hoisting herself up onto an adjacent branch.

“Oh it’s your tree is it?” He didn’t fit quite as well as Bella did, he had to have his legs bent up onto the trunk. His feet rested on a knot at the very top, they wiggled as he stretched. “I don’t see no sign or nothin’.”

“Knew I should’ve carved my name into it,” Bella smirked. She was desperately trying to project some calm. If Peter was back, that meant Jasper might be too.

“You think newborns read? You’re better off just spittin’ on it.”

Bella couldn’t believe she had never heard about this vampire obsession about spitting on or licking things until she came back to the past.

“Okay,” She said. “What are you doing in this unowned tree?”

“Waitin’ for you!” He stretched his arms back behind his head. “Since you decided to go walkies.” He drastically lowered his volume to where Bella had to strain to hear him. Her chest relaxed, maybe this meant he would keep her transgression a secret.

“Are walkies not allowed?” She replied in the same volume.

He shrugged, “For any other lieutenant, sure. For someone who waltzed into camp a couple weeks ago and freaked out the Major? Bad idea.”

“He’s that scared of me, huh?”

“Don’t tell him I told you this, but the man is easily spooked.” Peter’s easy grin didn’t falter as he whispered. “Takes a lot to make him care, but once he does he gets protective and upsets very easy.”

“Anxious, almost.” Bella replied, thinking of her own Jasper.

“Yeah.” Peter looked at her curiously, “Where were you anyway?”

“Why? You gonna tell on me?” Bella held her breath.

“Well the Major did send me back to keep an eye on you. He got a weird read on you as we left the camp, then it took him two whole minutes to drive himself into a frenzy and make me come back.” He said, “And now you’re refusin’ to tell me where you were? I probably should tell on you.”

“But if I do tell you, you’ll keep it a secret?” She asked.

“Sure,” Peter’s smirk reappeared. “You got a lil’ double life goin’ on kiddo?”

“Everyone has layers,” Bella smiled. Peter was way too easy to trust. “I have family up north that like to be updated. I send them letters so my father doesn’t come barging into a war camp to make sure I’m okay.”

Peter’s smile turned a little wistful. “Lucky you. Though maybe I should tell and stop you goin’. Your father marchin’ in here and going toe to toe with Anton on how his baby girl is being treated sounds mighty entertainin’ to me.”

“You wouldn’t!” Bella’s breath caught. “You will keep this secret for me, right? My father isn’t the fighting type. It would be a bloodbath.”

“Yeah yeah, keep your panties on!” Peter grinned. “I’ll tell the Major you were good as gold, hopefully he’ll get used to you soon. I lost first pick of dinner ‘cause of you, that’s a big sacrifice on my part.”

“I’m sure you’ll survive.” Bella’s ears pricked at a strange sound in the distance. Like a mixture of crunching and scraping that she couldn’t attribute a cause to. “The hell is that?”

“No idea,” Peter looked confused too. He jumped down to the forest floor and Bella begrudgingly followed. “Should probably go check. Come on.”

The sound quickly grew louder and louder as they walked to meet it halfway from the camp. It took Bella a while to realise the strange sound was of wheels struggling on the uneven forest floor. She and Peter exchanged a look before venturing out from behind a particularly wide tree and coming face to face with the Major.

He smirked, “We hit the jackpot.” He gestured to the spectacle behind him.

A bedraggled stagecoach carriage stood there. It was in bad shape, scratches marred its sides where it had been scratched up by trees. The wheels were caked in mud, twigs and leaves, and, Bella noted with amusement; it was being pulled by two newborns instead of horses. They did not look happy about it either. As Jasper lead them to the other side of the stagecoach, telling Peter all about how they had come across them on the road like a prepackaged dinner, she noticed one of the back wheels had been torn off and another newborn was crouched down there, supporting the axle with his own shoulder. He also looked furious. Despite the horrific circumstances she had to suppress a laugh.

That laugh died in her chest when she chanced a look at the carriage window, where seven terrified humans stared back at her. She assumed there were five passengers and the two drivers stuffed in there, so close they couldn’t move.

“We tried to bring you back a snack,” Anton sneered. “But the horses ran off pretty sharpish.”

Bella tried not to roll her eyes. “It’s the thought that counts.”

“It was my idea to keep the carriage you know.” He bragged.

Peter rolled his eyes in Bella’s peripheral vision; she suppressed a snort. “Really?”

Jasper slapped the back of Anton’s head, “Just get the humans into camp, the carriage won’t go any further. I’ll get Maria.”

“You better not steal the credit!” Anton called after him, receiving only a withering look for his efforts.

He grumbled for a moment, then turned and clicked the carriage door open. It was so full that the coachmaster fell out before the steps could come down. Bella caught him by instinct and winced as he recoiled away from her cold skin.

“Please…” He whispered. “I beg you, please spare us.”

Bella let him go like a shot and dashed back to where Peter stood. She couldn’t save him, but that didn’t stop the guilt eating her alive. She averted her eyes as the other humans were pulled from the carriage, one held on to the seat with their nails, kicking and screaming for mercy.

It was hopeless, of course. That last human had to join the single file procession marching into camp. Anton gave her a shove in the back for struggling. She stumbled against a tree, snivelling.

It took a second for Bella to realise what she was smelling, the sound reached her first. A sharp gasp as the skin of the victim’s palm scraped on the tree, leaving dribbles of precious blood smeared on the bark.

All Bella’s feelings of guilt and morality didn’t matter now. The savoury scent of blood filled her nose and clouded her mind. Her vision turned red. Only the deep scarlet smears on the woman’s sleeve were important. All she could hear was that heartbeat, deep wet and panicked. She wanted it, she needed it. Ambrosia. Life force. Perfect. Beautiful. Worth killing for.

But before she could get further than a few steps, the mouthwatering smell was blocked by Peter’s applejack scent clamped over her mouth. As her mind cleared, she realised there was an arm pulled in an iron grip around her arms and torso, pulling her backwards into the forest.

Peter’s face appeared before her, frantically observing her eyes as they turned back from black to butter yellow.

“You stopped me,” She whispered as his hand peeled away from her nose and mouth. “Why did you stop me?”

He shrugged, “I dunno. I just had a feelin’ you needed me to. There’s more to your eatin’ animals than just enjoyin’ humans more isn’t there?”

“Yes,” She figured there was no lying to Peter. “Y’know you have pretty good intuition.”

“Sometimes I just know shit,” He grinned. “C’mon. You might not partake in dinner, but the Major’ll be chompin’ at the bit to see if his little insurgent caused any trouble. Best you’re in view.”

Bella took a second to shake herself, then followed her friend back into the hellhole of a camp. She quietly suppressed this new shame, the memory of the woman she almost killed for scraping her hand.


	9. Starve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know how sometimes chapters just flow out and immediately everything sounds right? Your words are like paints on a canvas and your fingers are the brush, you just have to wave a few times and suddenly you have the Mona Lisa? This wasn’t one of those times. This chapter squeezed itself out five words at a time over a month, and then had to be rewritten twice. I am so so sorry it took so long. 
> 
> All this time and this chapter hasn’t even been pre-read! Please let me know if you spot a mistake and I’ll fix it. Thanks for sticking with me folks xx

_Carlisle,_

_I’m sorry I haven’t sent you anything in a while. Jasper’s letters were right, Johan’s scouts have been sighted in the area and the whole camp is on lockdown. I’ve only been able to get out when Peter comes with me. Don’t worry, he doesn’t know anything about the time travel, or the plan. He always hangs back away from the post office when I’m here. I wouldn’t even know how to bring it all up to him. I guess that’s future Bella’s problem._

_He’s just a genuinely good friend. I’m glad to have him right now because Maria’s been going crazy trying to prepare for a fight with Johan. She’s starving all the newborns and making Jasper train them 24/7. I didn’t think the atmosphere in that camp could get any darker, but clearly I was wrong. I am staying safe though, I promise. I keep out of everyone’s way._

_Jasper’s stressed, but I do think he’s warming up to me. He’s regularly leaving me alone in the camp now, although he still hasn’t talked to me. I am still hopeful that this will all turn out okay._

_Send my love to the others!_

_Bella xx_

Bella clutched her letter as she made her way to the little post office, her belly full from the predator she had just consumed. It had been a struggle to get out of the camp since Maria had panicked over Johan’s scouts. She was lucky Peter would go with her, but Jasper was giving him more and more tasks to do as they prepared for battle. Bella knew how it would all turn out, obviously Jasper had told her. She wished she could tell him.

Squeaking open the butter yellow door, Bella found there was already a note and a package for her sitting in the post office. She greedily snatched up the note and consumed its contents.

_My dear girl,_

_Today marks two months since I saw you last. I must confess that despite your reassurances of your continuing safety, I find myself growing ever restless._

_Forgive an old man for his need to feel useful, but you mentioned having a rather large amount of spare time so I thought I might give you something to fill it that you may find useful. Please find it attached._

_Stay safe, Bella._

_All my love, Carlisle._

Carefully arranged below the note was a thick stack of paper, tied together with a sturdy, black velvet ribbon that Bella recognised from Irina’s collection. She brushed the bow aside to see the title; _‘A Beginner’s Guide to the Language of Spanish. By Carlisle Cullen.’._

Bella’s breath caught as she traced Carlisle’s delicate script, exactly the same as the writing that she had been sent back to the past with; only written in quill and ink as opposed to a fountain pen. She marvelled at the love that had been poured into it, every page was filled with vocabulary, examples, tasks and even illustrations and diagrams. She flicked through and counted them quickly, it was 200 pieces of paper, written front and back. 

Thinking about it, it was an excellent idea for her to learn Spanish. After all, according to Jasper’s letters (although it was really Alice’s flowchart that helped her understand it), Maria’s forces would be driven down to the Mexican border in six months. It would help Bella immensely should they end up with new recruits that couldn’t speak English. 

Bella placed her letter on the shelf, then tucked the heavy tome safely into her satchel and set off back to the camp, taking a quick detour along the way to find another coyote to tide her over. Afterall, there was trouble brewing and she needed to be her fighting best. 

Bella slowed to a more human run as her meeting place with Peter swam into view. The tall blonde was leaning against a large oak tree. Since washing his face in the stream and stealing new clothes with Jasper when they first arrived, he had paid no attention to his appearance and it was starting to show. His shirt and pants were caked in the filth that comes with sparring with newborns all day. There were huge tears down his left side from being skidded across the ground like a bowling ball during a particularly nasty fight. Bella could see the skin of his leg, arm and torso through the rips; there were more glowing scars littered there than she was happy with, but also less than she remembered. His hair flicked out around his neck, rendered stiff by the gobs of mud and dried blood that were caught in it. A streak of mud on his cheek met the grin he greeted her with.

“Hey Bells! Papa dearest leave you anything?”

Bella scooped out the thick volume and held it aloft. “He wants me to learn Spanish!”

Peter snorted and took the thick stack of creamy paper. “Fancy handwritin’ fer a fancy man!” He said as he flipped through the first few pages. “This is a pretty thorough guide, you really don’t speak any Spanish?”

“I think I learned while I was human,” They began to run the short distance back towards the camp. “But I can’t remember much of it.”

“Wow,” Peter scoffed. “Growin’ up down here you struggle without speakin’ Spanish. Half the folk that went through my town were travellin’ traders from Mexico and didn’t speak a lick o’ English. You Northerners and yer fancy pants languages!”

“I take offence to that!” Bella laughed as her tree came into view. “I’m not really Northern, I spent my whole childhood in Phoenix!”

“Phoenix?” Peter scoffed. “Never heard of it, no need to make excuses for your Northernness to me. I’ve already judged ya.”

“It’s a city in Arizona,” Bella grinned. “But if you don’t know where Arizona is, it’s some way west-”

“I know where Arizona is!” The tree shook with Peter’s laughter as he jumped onto a low lying branch. “Y’all Northerners always lookin’ down on us.”

“Well you can’t blame us, we are further up-”

“ _Your whole childhood?_ ” 

Bella jumped, she hadn’t noticed Jasper standing in the trees beside them. Peter had her so distracted she didn’t even realise someone was listening. 

“Yes,” she replied. “Since I was one.” 

Jasper stalked towards her from the tree line, his posture tall and towering. Bella felt Peter quiver in his position above her, for this was not Jasper the friend. This was Jasper the Major, and he was pissed about _something_. 

He stopped so close in front of her she had to crane her neck to look him in the eye. “In the _city_ of Phoenix?” He hissed. “You are no newborn. How old did you say you are?”

Jasper’s mouth had gone taut and his tone clipped, Bella couldn’t help but think she had offended him in some way. Maybe he had been in some kind of battle around there, she wasn’t quite educated enough in the Civil War to know. 

Bella knew quite well she absolutely was not supposed to answer him. In her head she could feel everyone who cared screaming for her to back down, give no specific answers, look sorry for whatever she had done and hope her head wasn’t ripped off for the privilege. But this was the first time he had spoken just to _her_ since she first joined the camp and she couldn’t help but encourage it. He was who she was here for, after all. 

“I didn’t.” Bella foolishly replied. “I was turned 5 years ago, nearly 6.”

His jaw closed with an audible click. Bella immediately regretted telling the truth, then checked herself because she knew he could feel it.

“You can’t have been younger than… 17 when you were turned.” He stated. 

Bella felt more and more dread by the second. She made the sensible decision to stop giving him such specific information, she had clearly said something wrong. She just nodded in reply.

He stared down at her for a second. Peter remained dead silent beside her, whether he was equally as confused as Jasper or just trying to keep a low profile she didn’t know.

“The _settlement_ of Phoenix was founded in 1867.” Jasper said. “When you were 3 years old, minimum.”

_Shit._

“Was it?” Bella bluffed. “My human memories are a little fuzzy, I must have been older when I moved there.”

“And it was not incorporated into a city,” He continued. “Until five years ago, when you were a newborn living in the North.” His eyes bore a hole into her.

“I found out it had become a city after I was turned.”

That was dumb, Bella admonished herself. Twist the truth, don’t outright lie.

_“Really?”_ Jasper had latched on to her now, she could feel his emotional influence surrounding her like a straightjacket. She had felt his powers a thousand times, but this was the first time they had truly been used _against_ her. She couldn’t think, she couldn’t breathe; she could only feel this swell of emotions closing in on her. Jasper could feel that she was lying and was going to draw the truth out of her one way or another. “So a newborn vampire who can barely remember her life in the South decided to stay abreast of the politics of the region? Forgive me if I-”

“Her daddy must have told her!” Peter interrupted. “Isn’t that right, Bella?”

The onslaught of emotions paused in their efforts to smother her for a moment as Jasper turned his attention to his friend. “What?”

“Her sire’s real studious like, from what she told me.” Peter continued, his eyes darted wildly from Jasper to Bella. “I bet he’s been keepin’ track of what happens down here and keepin’ her informed.”

Bella thanked whatever God was listening for Peter’s quick thinking and blind trust. “Yes, that’s right.” She said. “My sire likes to tell me about the political situation down here. He thinks it’s important for me to know.”

Jasper was still staring at Peter, his eyes narrowed. Bella took the opportunity to silently scramble away from her position below his towering figure. She tried her best not to project any emotion, especially not regret for making such a stupid slip up. 

Jasper opened his mouth as if to start berating, but was interrupted by Anton bustling through the tree line towards them.

“Are you slackers done having a little tea party back here?” He hissed. “Maria has been waiting for you for hours!”

Jasper sighed, his trance and fury shattered into simple annoyance. “I have been away from the camp for ten minutes, Anton.”

“I don’t care!” Anton’s eyes flashed dangerously. “Your mistress needs you and you’re back here gossiping! You’re a disgrace, the lot of you. Now come on.”

Peter slipped the Spanish guide into Bella’s bag as he followed Jasper back to camp. She went to climb back up her tree, but was stopped by Anton’s hand on her shoulder. “You too, Yellow.”

Bella frowned. “Me?”

“You’re a lieutenant, aren’t you?! Yes. _You_.” Anton shoved her in the direction of the main tent. 

Bella tried not to look confused as she made her way to Maria’s residence, for she felt the eyes of the starved newborns boring into her. This was the first time Maria had summoned her with the other Lieutenants since she came to the camp two months earlier. She could only hope it wouldn’t herald the beginning of her having increased responsibilities. She was perfectly happy sitting in her tree all day and pretending that none of it was going on around her, plus now she had a language to learn.

She knew that part of why the newborns were watching her so intently from the pits below was because she was walking up the soft mound at human speed, but she really could not bring herself to go any faster to somewhere she would rather not be. Still, when Anton grabbed her arm and _pulled_ her into the tent she couldn’t stall any longer.

“Oh my Belle is here!” Maria crooned from beside a large table in the middle of the tent. “So nice of you to finally join us, my sweet.”

Bella forced an uncomfortable smile and stepped into Maria’s cold embrace. The older vampire tucked her arm around her waist and held her uncomfortably close as she continued talking. “Now, Major.” She said. “Have we had any more sightings of Johan’s men?”

“None.” He replied. “His entire operation has gone underground. He must be rebuilding his forces just like we are. Our edge in battle is that we actually train our soldiers, but we have been unable to since they haven’t been fed. The attack we have been preparing for just hasn’t come. I suggest that we get some humans in immediately, turn some more and train all of them so we are more prepared in a few months.”

Maria sighed and twirled a long piece of ebony hair around her finger. “Pity... I was hoping for a fight…”

“But we could still have one!” Anton cut in, his crimson puppy dog eyes out in full force. “Maria, I have been doing scouting of my own. The Martin coven to the west tried to expand north just yesterday but suffered massive losses. They are weak and we could just waltz right in and take their territory!”

Maria gasped, “Oh my Anton, I knew you wouldn’t fail me!”

Anton practically glowed under the praise, but Jasper looked panicked. “Wait, we aren’t prepped for that at all. We can’t attack another coven just ‘cause the newborns are starvin’, I haven’t been able to make a plan or do reconnaissance or nothin’!”

“Can’t I?” Maria snapped, her tone did an about turn. 

Bella suddenly had the very strange experience of watching Jasper; strong, intelligent, intimidating Jasper, cower under the glare of this tiny warlord. Maria was short and slight, there was no way she could ever beat Jasper in combat. Yet when she got angry, men twice her size seized in fear. There had to be something else going on, Bella thought. Something altering their perception of her.

Maria tapped the hand drawn map spread out on the battered mahogany wood table, place names and topographical notes were printed in Jasper’s meticulous handwriting. “Make a plan, then.” She ordered. “If it’s so important to you. But I want that territory and I want it tomorrow.”

Jasper nodded frantically. “You’ll get it, I’m sorry Ma’am.”

Maria’s mouth twisted into a smirk. She stepped forward and stroked Jasper’s stubbled chin. “Don’t disappoint me, sweetheart.” 

With a patronising pat on the cheek, Maria swept from the tent with a grinning Anton scurrying after her. Jasper let out a breath. 

“Peter. Take Ramiro and scout any vantage points over the enemy camp. Be back by nightfall and don’t get caught. Got it?”

“Affirmative, Major.” Peter replied, clapping Jasper on the shoulder on the way out.

Jasper sighed and turned to a chest of drawers along the side wall, he rummaged through the top drawer and produced a bottle of ink and a homemade quill. Bella felt a little awkward as he started fussing over the map as if she wasn’t there. This was the first time they’d been alone together since she first joined the camp, and the first experience was hardly pleasant. 

Still, this is one of the few times when she was seeing the Jasper she truly knew. The man who got hurt trying to be everywhere at once when fighting the newborns and wrote an entire dossier on the wars to prepare her for this journey. Jasper was a planner, and a stresser. And she couldn’t stand to see him suffer.

She cautiously stepped forward. “Can I help?”

Jasper’s gaze shot up to meet her like he’d forgotten she was there. He studied her for a moment, until the little wrinkle between his eyebrows smoothed out.

“The men should be at the front of the camp right now, practicing. Go supervise and stop them slackin’ off or killin’ each other.” He paused. “You gonna be able to stop them killin’ you?”

“Long enough for you to come pry them off me when I yell?” Bella joked.

He mustered a snort. “Sure. Go get ‘em.”

* * *

Bella pondered the morality of what she was doing as she watched the starving, enslaved soldiers rip into each other for no reason. It wasn’t like she could stop any of them hurting each other, it was kind of the point of the exercise. She drew the line at actually removing body parts, something she had heard the other lieutenants doing when this was their job. With the newborns starved as they were, their arms and legs most likely wouldn’t fuse back on properly and then what use were they? 

They all continued to watch her warily. She didn’t blame them. They got so much abuse from the lieutenants and Maria was absolutely indifferent to them. Bella had just waltzed in with her strange eyes, assumed a position of authority over them and then immediately spent all her time up in a tree. She was bound not to be a popular figure. If they did start acting out she wasn’t even sure if she could stop them.

As if by magic, there was a roar from the peripheries as a detached arm was thrown into the air and landed with a thud several miles away in the trees. 

“ _Hey!_ ” Bella shouted and made her way to the fight still going on. 

The now one armed victim was a thin, twitchy boy that could be no older than 14. He was one of those who had forgotten his name when he was turned, and no one had bothered to give him a new one. She just called him Squeak in her head. 

Squeak was cowering on the ground away from his aggressor. It was the nine fingered newborn Bella now knew as George, who she had watched be attacked on her first day there. He was advancing on Squeak’s trembling form, clearly about to strike again.

Bella got between them. “Back off.” She said. “I said no removing limbs. You’re sparring, not killing each other.”

Bella wasn’t sure what she was expecting. She certainly hoped that George would back down, go find Squeak’s missing arm, apologise and they’d call it a day. That didn’t happen.

George got up in her face, his nose half an inch away from hers. “Why the _fuck_ do you care?” He growled. “You’re a liability. Just like him.”

Bella had no time to react before he shoved her up into the air and away from him. She just barely managed to arrange herself so she would land on her feet. 

“Are you really trying to pick a fight with me, George?” She asked. “Do you really think that will end well for you?”

“I don’t CARE!” He screamed. “I’M SO THIRSTY!”

Bella was very aware of that. His skin had turned a flat white, his eyes were pitch black and had sunk deeper into his skull, every muscle of his was tense and every breath was a pant. And it wasn’t just him. Every newborn she was surrounded by looked desperate. 

“You took us from our homes!” George continued. “Our families. You turned us into these monsters and now, WHAT? You starve us of the only good thing we have?! This is BULLSHIT. YOU ARE GOING TO GET ME SOME BLOOD OR I AM GOING TO RIP YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!”

Bella blinked and he was coming at her, charging like a bull. 

_“Right foot forward, chest low, elbows back.”_ Jasper’s instructions floated back to her from a time long gone. 

_“Make sure you stay in motion, zip around me and break my focus. Hit me and run to confuse me.”_

She waited until he was almost within reaching distance before bending her knees and springing straight up into the air. She landed behind him and struck him from behind while he was distracted.

“S _tay in motion, don’t wait for me to hit again.”_

The much larger man turned and swung his heavy arms around her, trying to crush her against his body. But Bella ducked under his arm and skidded between his open legs to spring up behind him. She reared up and roundhouse kicked him from behind, making him stumble forwards. 

_“Your advantage is your ability to keep a clear head.”_

George spun again, this time to hit her rather than grab her. Bella dodged, but his fist connected with the underside of her jaw with such force she felt cracks start splintering down her neck. She was propelled into the air and landed against the trunk of a gnarled oak tree, which snapped at the point of impact and crashed to the ground where Bella once was. 

_“Newborns will always be stronger than you, but they are easily enraged.”_

She was already up and leaping over George. She smacked the top of his head on her way over and pulled him to the ground with her own momentum. He jumped up immediately, but she had zipped behind him again. 

_“Your advantage is your ability to keep a clear head. If you dodge them for long enough, they will get frustrated and distracted.”_

It was almost like dancing, He would turn to attack her and she would jump out of his view over and over. They span in tandem as he tried to hit her and she dodged out of the way. Until suddenly, she was gone.

_“That’s when you find higher ground and jump on them from above.”_

Bella sprang out of a nearby tree and landed neatly on George’s shoulders. She avoided his grabbing hands and sunk her teeth into his throat. She had never done this before, but followed her instincts to clamp down, cock her neck and rip his head from his shoulders.

The head fell to the ground with a sickening thud that echoed in the resulting silence. Bella jumped off George’s stumbling body and watched as it crumbled to the ground.

Bella wasn’t sure of what to do next. He wasn’t dead. He had been disarmed, but would find his head and rejoin it with his body eventually. She didn’t have that angry streak that determined what to do in these situations. She wasn’t angry at all because really she agreed with him. He lived a nightmare, and she would want to drown her sorrows in blood too if she were him.

Her decision was made for her as George’s headless body turned and lunged towards her. Bella jumped and grabbed both his arms, using her momentum and all her strength to yank them off his torso. She kicked his legs out from under him and pulled one off at the knee, leaving his mangled body writhing on the ground, trying to pull itself back together.

She heard a whistle close behind her and turned to see Jasper with his arms crossed over his chest and an eyebrow raised.

She glared. “Thanks for the help. You’re a real pal.”

“I thought about stepping in, but it was interesting to watch.” He stood beside her and gazed down at the body parts on the ground. “You’ve been trained, haven’t you? By someone who knows what he’s doin’.”

“You think I would walk into a war completely unprepared?” Bella scoffed.

“Yes. I could absolutely see you doing that.” He deadpanned as he kicked George’s torso closer to where his head and arms laid. 

Jasper reached into one of his linen pockets and pulled out a tiny packet of matches. The kind you would get at a bar or hotel. He struck one and Bella couldn’t take her eyes off the flame dancing so close to his ignitable skin.

She didn’t even stop to think why he would bring fire into the equation until suddenly the match had been flicked and George’s body went up in flames with a _whoosh._

Everyone stumbled back from the licking flames. Bella was horrified.

“Why would you do that?” She whispered.

Jasper frowned at her. “Bella, he was trying to kill you. What was I supposed to do? Promote him?”

“No.. but… he didn’t have to die.” Bella was looking anywhere except George’s pyre, but his burning body was all she could see. “He was still useful, surely.”

“Not really. His third year was coming up.” Jasper replied. “And we can’t let anyone think they can get away with attacking lieutenants.”

“So you killed him…” She whispered.

“Well… _I helped._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, Bella messing up about Phoenix was the first scene I ever thought of for this fic - back when I thought it would be 10k words max!
> 
> I also may have written me and my barely French speaking butt into a corner with this Spanish thing. If I end up including Peter teaching Bella some Spanish at some point, I may have to rely on the kindness of readers to stop me making a fool out of myself! If y’all ever want to contact me about stuff, hit me up! I’ll always answer pms and I’m working on being better with comments!


	10. Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back kids! 
> 
> I decided a while ago I was going to take a break from this fic and try to rebuild some love for it, which I am happy to say has worked. I'm planning on going back and editing some of it for quality and continuity's sake. 
> 
> The plan was to build up some chapters and then start posting again on my birthday, so many happy returns everyone. Luckily for you cool cats and kittens, my gaming pc broke this week so I have literally written constantly. You shall have regular uploads for a while! Huzzah!
> 
> I'm not sure I've ever said it, but it is so overwhelming how amazing the response to this fic has been. You guys are amazing and I'm so lucky you put up with my flakeyness and bother to read this pile of crap <3

_ In the March of 1886, we fought with the Martin Coven to the west. I remember being so pissed off, Anton just threw it out there and I had to coordinate an attack with literally no preparation. But it was an easy fight. I took Peter and the newborns and we destroyed the coven with very few losses on our side. Don’t worry. You’ll be Maria’s ace up her sleeve, so she’s not going to put you in danger or tip her hand should someone notice you and your powers. I am confident that you won’t have to fight. _

* * *

“What do you mean I have to fight?!”

Jasper frowned at her. “I’m sorry. When you voluntarily joined an army, were you expecting a peaceful experience?”

“No. But mercilessly ripping newborns apart isn’t really my thing.”

“You didn’t seem to have a problem with it yesterday.”

_ Ouch.  _

“That was a one off! Look…” Bella had to bluff and she had to bluff quick. “I’m here to fight Johan. That’s all I care about. The man disrespected me. If I go fight some other coven and someone realises that I have a shield, then Johan could find out and our entire strategy will go out the window!”

“Are you not listening?” Jasper raised his voice, exasperated. “The only reason why anyone would know you have a shield, or know that you’re even there, is if something goes very wrong an’ you need to step in.

“I haven’t been able to do much reconnaissance. Peter could only tell so much from what he saw. All we know is that they got beaten up north. They could have a gifted vampire on their side and we just don’t know about it! If you go and don’t have to use your shield, then no harm done! If you don’t go and it turns out we needed you, then half the army is dead!”

“But what if  _ I _ die?” She asked. “Then you’ll never kill Johan.” This was a bluff of course. Bella was totally aware of the fact that in the original timeline, Jasper did kill Johan in the July of 1886. With his own hands, in fact.

“You won’t die unless the rest of us die.” Jasper rolled his eyes and gestured to his tactical drawings. “Look, I put you at the back, right next to Maria. If the rest of us are all slaughtered, I give you full permission to run like hell.”

“Newborns are faster than me, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

“They may be fast, but they’re also dumb.” Jasper said. “Quit worryin’. This should be easy. I’m just being cautious.”

Bella did worry. She worried about fighting and killing other people. She worried about giving over to a darker side of herself. She worried about changing the future. She worried that she might give Maria too much power and cause the deaths of thousands of people. She worried that she might mess up and get Jasper killed somehow. Then poof, he’s gone forever.

But when she stood with him side by side, she could almost pretend that she was someplace happier. That they were just a few miles from the house and this was all a game of pretend. Even though they were in hell, and they were far from leaving it; when he spoke to her like an equal, she felt hope.

“Fine.” She said in an effort to get him to stop looking at her funny. “I’ll stay at the back.”

He nodded. “Be ready in an hour.” 

She was dismissed.

* * *

The Martin coven bordered Maria’s to the west, with about a mile of no man’s land between them. The area was quiet, with only dusty roads and the occasional settlement to show that the land was actually worth taking. 

It wasn’t about the use of the land though, as Peter told her when they set off.

“It’s about status. There’s no logic in power.”

Bella rolled her eyes. “It just seems so ridiculous for people to die for a useless strip of land.”

“Well that’s war for ya. Maria wants that land, so we get it for her.”

They settled back into silence, walking behind Jasper, Maria and the crew of 12 newborns. Jasper had referred to their position as ‘holding up the rear’, but she just enjoyed eyes being off her. She clutched at her satchel strap, unsure of her decision to bring it with her. She was concerned that leaving it in the camp could mean wandering eyes and hands could find it, but wearing it in a fight just felt so risky.

“Hey,” Peter whispered. “Them newborns are gonna be rabid. I’ll try my best to keep you safe out there, but they’ll be stronger than you and you’ll be distracted with shieldin’ everyone.”

“Thanks Pete,” She replied. “I appreciate the pep talk.”

“I’m just sayin’. If one gets past me and goes for ya, do you have a plan?”

“Run like hell?”

“They’re faster than you.”

“Jasper said they’re dumb too so it’s fine.”

He snorted. “‘Course he did. Look, y’know why we tend to do well in the wars?”

“Because you actually train your soldiers?”

“There’s that.” He nodded. “But mainly it’s because the Major isn’t afraid of a tactical retreat. No point in the whole army dyin’, y’know?”

“Sure.”

“My point is that it’s very unlikely that everyone’s gonna die out there. You’re with Maria, so you’ll be pretty damn safe. There’s no way the Major will let anythin’ happen to her, and she’s no wallflower herself. You’ll be okay.”

“I’m not that worried about dying.” She said. “It’s more other people dying that bothers me.”

“This your first fight?” He asked.

“Kinda.”

His silence said more than enough. There was nothing that could make this better. 

“Right,” He held up a clunky silver lighter and tucked it into her right pocket. “If the bastards get past me and you’re cornered, set the fuckers on fire. Okay?”

She smiled and bumped his shoulder, “Okay.”

* * *

Their company came to a halt just out of earshot of the rival camp, downwind. Bella had the uncomfortable realisation that she could smell the fact that she was in someone else’s territory. It seemed so tribal and animalistic. 

The group seemed to naturally huddle and Bella let Peter pull her in. She found herself next to this weedy looking newborn who seemed to be continuously growling and violently twitched every few minutes. She began to nickname him Steve, but then kicked herself for potentially getting attached.

Jasper barked, ever the military man. “We will storm the camp from here. You and you,” He pointed to two terrified looking newborns that had done particularly poorly in training. “Will run around and attack from the other side. Go now and be ready in ten minutes. Your attack will be our signal to charge.”

The newborns didn’t look particularly sure about this plan, it was fairly obvious that they were the distraction. But one well placed growl from the Major sent them on their way.

“Right,” Maria beamed, the charm factor turned way up to 11. “So Belle and I shall wait just over there in case you need any backup.”

Bella frowned, the place Maria was pointing to would have barely any view of the camp.

“I need to be high up.” She interrupted. “So I can shield everyone.”

Maria pouted. “You can’t just put the shield on us now?”

“That’s not how it works.” Jasper murmured. “She has to have a line of sight on the people she shields.”

“Well… not quite.” Bella corrected him. “I have to concentrate on stretching it out. One or two people I’m great at, it doesn’t take too much concentration and I don’t have to be able to see them - but fifteen of you? I need to be able to see everyone  _ and _ if I get hit and my concentration breaks, the shield will go down. I need to be up and out of the way if you want this to work.”

Maria sighed. “Fine. Belle and I will stay in the trees for a bird’s eye view. Now; the rest of your plan, Darling?”

Jasper nodded and dove into explaining a very complicated plan that could be summarised into; run in and murder them, don’t get caught on your own. She was happy to see that overthinking things was a trait he was clearly born with. 

* * *

She assumed that Jasper’s strategy for the fight was working, but with her brain so occupied it was honestly hard to tell. 

Bella had never had to stretch her shield like this before, covering fifteen individual people all moving at different speeds in different directions, while also avoiding the people they were attacking. She was grateful for her position high up in the tree. Every time someone slipped from her vision, she had to scramble to work out where they  _ probably were _ in order to keep them covered. 

It took so much concentration that it was almost like she couldn’t see anymore. All she could focus on were the eighteen beings her shield had to stretch over. It was times like these when Bella felt almost human. As a vampire, she got so used to finding things easy that once were impossible, of never getting tired by anything. It was equally as invigorating as it was exhausting to do something genuinely difficult that physically wore her out. 

But as pleasant as vulnerability felt, it wasn’t necessarily the right time. She didn’t notice the straggler from the Martin coven leaping for her throat until he was directly in her line of sight. His eyes were crazed, huge chunks of his flesh had been ripped out and were leaking venom. Bella froze, she was not in a defensive position, she needed to keep her shield up; she had no idea what to do. 

_ “Bella!” _

A blonde blur leapt from the right and tackled the straggler in midair. Bella’s shield flickered with surprise, but reformed itself as she listened to the man being dismantled below her. 

“You okay Bells?” Peter’s voice called from the ground.

"Yeah,” Bella breathed, back to her full concentration. “Thank you!”

Peter ran back into the fray, giving Bella a quick salute as he returned into her field of vision. 

The fight took about an hour overall, Maria’s army lost those two soldiers, but the others were completely annihilated. The warlord grinned with sickening glee as she ripped apart the rival leader and threw his remains into the fire. Bella would try to expunge that memory from her mind for decades to come. 

Their soldiers scrounged as many resources as they could from the camp and set the whole thing ablaze. Peter and a few others were sent to scent and secure the territory while the rest of them trudged back home.

Anton met them halfway, sniffling and simpering and bouncing like a puppy. He latched onto Maria’s side and they excitedly discussed how many new soldiers they would turn and what village would be destroyed next.

Bella took the opportunity to tune out all the noise around her. She was a horrible combination of disgusted at what she had seen, sad for the waste of lives, relieved that no one she cared about was hurt, and tired from overusing her shield. She wasn’t ready for it when tense hands grabbed her around the upper arms, leapt up holding her, and then  _ threw _ her miles into the distance.

She should have recovered from the surprise more quickly, but her mind was still sluggish and it really had come out of nowhere. Too low in her trajectory to aim her landing, she reached out and clung to branches of trees to slow herself down; eventually flying low enough to land against a particularly tall trunk and stumbling back down to the ground. 

Before she had time to get her bearings, Jasper was seething in front of her. His honey blonde hair was a mess and his shirt ripped up from the fight. His sleeves and chin still held the residue of being soaked in venom - although gladly none of his own. 

“What the hell?” Bella said. “Did you see who threw me?”

He didn’t answer, just ran directly at her in a move clearly intended to tackle her to the ground. At the last second Bella leapt out of the way. She just barely escaped his clutching grip on her skirt, which tore at the hem with a  _ rip. _

“ _ The hell?” _ Bella repeated. “Why are you attacking me?”

Still beyond answering, he took a swipe at her head which she ducked to avoid. However, she was disoriented and low enough to the ground that the harsh kick he followed it with sent her flying back into the trees. He sprinted there as her back hit bark, grabbed her by the throat and slammed her to the floor. 

She rolled away the second his hand left her neck and jumped, grabbing his shoulders and she sailed over his head and threw him down as he had done her. He jumped back up and snarled, a sound she hadn’t heard since he ripped Fred’s finger off and had hoped to never hear again. 

They traded blows, aiming for head and chests. Trying to swipe each other's legs out from under them and jumping to avoid. They ducked and weaved in an intimate and dangerous dance, until finally he got the upper hand. He grabbed one of her shoulders and spun her around, then tackled her from behind.

He pinned her to the ground, his legs tucked in and clamped hers down. He twisted one arm behind her back and pinned the other to the ground beside her face. He pressed his whole body against her, leaving her completely incapable of movement even if she tried. 

She couldn’t help the bubble of amusement that triggered in her chest. This was just so ridiculous. That Jasper was right; that she had come down here and risked her life to save him, only for him to be the one to kill her. She laughed into the dirt. 

“Are you going to kill me, Jaz?”

His breath tickled her neck as he spoke. “I really don’t know where you learned my first name, or why you feel so able to freely use it.”

Bella struggled to shrug, immobilised as she was. “I must have just heard it around somewhere. Probably from Maria.”

Jasper was silent. For a moment Bella thought he might actually let her go, but his grip on her never wavered.

“Who taught you how to fight?”

“What?”

The hand braced beside her grabbed her hair and yanked her head to the side, his elbow still pushing down on her arm. His lips brushed her ear. “ _ Who. Taught. You. How. To. Fight?”  _

Bella shivered at the contact, mixed in with a little fear. “A friend…”

“Well he’s awfully good.”

“The best.”

Somehow, Jasper sunk even lower into her. Every inch of his body pressed against hers. “How long were you spying on us?”

Bella jerked, surprised. “I’m sorry,  _ what? _ ” 

“I have taught enough people to fight to know what one of my students looks like.” He growled, the vibrations ran through her neck. “You watched me train Peter, _ didn’t you?” _

_ “No.”  _ She replied. “I was taught by a member of my coven. You didn’t invent jumping, y’know.”

He sounded oddly breathless for a minute. The hand in her hair loosened its grip, but she could still feel his nails on her scalp. “Why are you here?”

“I want revenge on Johan.”

“No you don’t. I can feel what you feel. You have no anger about Johan, you don’t give a shit about him.”

Bella really didn’t know anything to say that wasn’t an outright lie. 

“Why are you really here?” Jasper reiterated.

“Like I told Peter. I’m looking for someone.”

“I don’t see how you’re finding anyone by joining this army.”

“I don’t have to tell you my methods.”

Using some impressive dexterity that Bella couldn’t see, Jasper flipped her over. He pinned both her arms up beside her head and kept his legs pressed down on hers so she couldn’t move. His face hovered above hers, his eyes pitch black.

“You need to stay away from Peter.” He whispered.

Bella frowned. “Why?”

He growled. “I don’t understand you. You are constantly deceptive, I am not sure you have ever told me the truth. Yet there’s no malice or anger in any of it. I have warned Peter and yet he insists on developing this... attachment to you. He claims it is not romantic, I feel no lust on his part or yours. But if you plan to seduce him, let me make it very clear. Romantic relationships are not permitted here. Maria does not allow it. I will not let you put Peter in danger.”

Maybe it was because she was mentally exhausted, maybe because she was feeling strangely giddy from having her life threatened by someone she cared so much about, or maybe it was because the suggestion was so ridiculous. Whichever way; she laughed in his face.

“You think I’m trying to seduce Peter?!” She snorted.

Jasper looked taken aback. “Is that so insane?”

“Yes!” She giggled. “ _ I’m married! _ Peter is like a brother to me!”

His eyebrows scrunched together. “You’re  _ married _ ? Then what the fuck are you doing down here on your own?”

“He doesn’t have to come with me for everything I do.”

Jasper paused and finally jumped off her. She followed, rubbing her wrists until the cracks faded away.

“You mean to tell me, that your husband doesn’t care  _ at all _ that you are down here risking your life?”

“He cares.” She shrugged. “He trusts me.”

“That’s a lot of trust.” He stood a few feet away, glaring softly down at her. “Just… be careful with Peter. He is better than both of us and doesn’t deserve what Maria would do to him.”

“Finally. Something we agree on.”

He stared at her for a moment more, then abruptly turned and ran back in the direction of the camp.

Bella sighed and collected her thoughts for a moment. Even though Jasper had violently attacked her, she almost couldn’t help thinking this was a good thing. He hadn’t killed her, he understood what she was saying and let her go. This wasn’t the Jasper she had been warned about anymore, the one who would have mutilated first and questioned later. This Jasper might just care. 

She bent to pick up her satchel from where it had fallen on the ground. While she was away from the camp, she might as well hunt and send Carlisle a note. He knew that the fight would have been today, so she needed to let him know she was alright to stop him freaking out. 

She scribbled out a quick letter and made for the post office, taking down a rabbit on the way - the only thing she could find. 

She let out a sigh of relief when her tree finally loomed in the distance. She could only hope that no one would question her further absence after Jasper had come back. She realised late that being away for a further half hour was kind of suspicious. 

Bella hoped that she had got lucky, that no one had noticed. But luck was not in her favour.

When she hopped up into her tree, she found it inhabited by possibly the last person she wanted there.

Anton. And he was grinning like it was Christmas morning. 


	11. Rage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you it would be more regular now! See it last one more week and then not get an update for two months. I guarantee you.

“Why our Belle." Anton smirked. "Where have you been?”

“Hunting!” Bella replied a little too fast. “It’s hard to find prey around here.”

“Really?” He dropped down in front of her. “And the Major came too?”

She shrugged. “He just wanted to discuss some things with me.”

“Like what?”

“Like where I go to hunt.”

She was bluffing like she had never bluffed before, but Anton’s smirk never faltered. 

“It’s a bit strange, Belle. You understand.” He grinned. There was blood between his teeth. “You wander off on your own a lot, often with Peter, and now you’re bringing the Major with you? Maria just feels a little… neglected. Perhaps you should run your excursions by her in future, so she doesn’t worry about the things you get up to.”

The threats behind his smile were clear. Maria was officially suspicious, and Bella had better watch her step.

* * *

The longest Bella had ever gone without any blood was two weeks. The family were in the process of moving. When they were doing it officially it would always take a lot of planning and work to avoid suspicion. Carlisle would put in his two weeks notice at the hospital and do his utmost to find a replacement for himself that would be just as capable. Esme would take a trip up to the new house and do it up so it was just perfect. The school had to be informed, a new school at the new house had to be found, backstories had to be tweaked, documents forged, belongings sorted through and packed. In this flurry of activity Bella was left unattended; at two years turned she was too old to be their priority and too young to trust herself to hunt on her own, especially after the incident a few months before. 

Chastened by dim memories of being the weak link, the soft little human who always needed looking after; she refused to ask for help. Not from her husband, not from her siblings, from her parents - nobody. 

She avoided Jasper altogether. In his role as their legal and financial expert, he was the busiest out of all of them and the only one who would have been able to sense her dilemma. She almost prided herself on how no one knew, until the postman skinned his knee on their driveway and she bit a hole in the carpet to keep herself from lunging through the window - then it occurred to her how stupid she was being. 

Luckily Rosalie saw her, held her down until the threat had passed and then dragged her into the forest to drain  _ ‘at least three deer’ _ . Patted on the head and informed that she was an idiot, Bella was always a lot more careful with her blood intake from then on. Still, Rose kept her promise to never tell anyone. 

Bella noted that that record had been blown out the water one sunny spring day in the camp. It had been a month since their attack on the Martin coven, double the time she had suffered before. With the increase of newborns living in their ranks, not even birds flew above and all creatures of the ground kept miles away. She had to travel much further out of the camp, but since she had to ‘run her excursions by Maria’, that hadn’t been possible. 

Bella’s recurring requests to go outside the camp boundaries to hunt had always been met by Maria’s simpering. _ “But Belle my love, it’s just not safe for you! I can’t put you at risk!” _

Several times Jasper had stared at her, brushed against her as she sat blankly on a low hanging branch, unable to focus on anything other than the wretched burning.  _ “Just drink a human.”  _ He said. “ _ You will have to eventually. Why torture yourself now?” _ But she couldn’t. She had no idea if it was her strength of character or her stubborn impulse to prove him wrong that made her spring up the tallest tree and sink her teeth into the wood every time humans were brought into the camp, but she cursed it nonetheless. 

Almost worse than the bloodlust was the relentless anger that plagued her. She had snapped at Peter almost every time he tried to console her, until he settled at giving her pitying looks from a safe distance. She wasn’t used to it. Anger made her do things she would never usually do, make mistakes she would never make. Anger is what lead her to her worst mistake, not bloodlust. 

Jasper, Peter, and a few of the older newborns had been sent to round up humans. With more vampires to feed, Jasper split the hunting party into two groups going in opposite directions to avoid detection. A fine tactical move, Bella thought, fitting for the youngest Major of the Texas Cavalry. 

A carriage filled with wailing humans rattled in the distance and Bella knew there would be blood spilled in smelling distance within the hour. She shot up a tree to prepare herself, find some leaves to stuff in her mouth to distract from the ambrosial scent of human life. 

She was comfortably situated straddling a sturdy high up branch when the tree gave a shuddering thud and crashed to the ground, taking several others with it. She sprang from the wreckage, irrationally angry at the newborn who had been thrown against her resting place. 

“ _ The fuck _ do you think you’re doing?!” She advanced upon him, intending to make him flinch or cower with her rage and higher rank.

Instead he bared his teeth and growled. He charged towards her with the force of a monster.

_ “Right foot forward, chest low, elbows ba-” _

Her addled mind wasn’t ready when his arms wrapped around her waist and threw her down to the ground. The impact jolted her and the rush of rage gave her the strength to pull her legs up and kick him off her. In the seconds it took him to land and move towards her again, she took off her precious satchel and tossed it safely out of the way. 

He sprinted with his arm raised to hit her, but she ducked down to avoid him.

_ “Make sure you stay in motion, zip aroun-” _

But he preempted her. He swung his arm down and grabbed her hair, using it to pull her up and throw her into a tree that came crashing to the ground. 

_ “Your advantage is your ability to keep a clear head.” _

That's the thing. Her head wasn’t clear. The red haze of anger impaired her vision and slowed her movements. She was making mistakes, big ones. Where she should have dodged she attacked, going for foolish moves of brute strength that she didn’t possess. The only injuries she got in were sharp bites at his arms when he wrapped them around her. He thankfully let go to howl in agony when she ripped a chunk from his bicep. 

_ “Newborns will always be stronger than you, but they are easily enra-” _

She regretted her more aggressive stance when she went to dodge his answering attack and thoughtlessly raised an arm to protect her head, leaving her left elbow sticking out to the side. Unlike Jasper, who had used it to flip her to the ground all those months ago, the newborn grabbed it and kicked her body down, ripping her arm from her shoulder. 

The pain rivalled the burn of the change, she could somehow still feel her arm as it hurtled through the air and crashed into the ground a mile away. All she could see was white hot agony and all she could feel was panic. Because how was she supposed to beat him now? She was struggling to fight fully able bodied, how could she rip him apart with one arm even if he wasn’t fighting back?

She had to think of something out of the box, quick. He was distracted by grinning, gloating at his imminent win against an all powerful lieutenant. As if Peter wouldn’t rip him apart for it when he got back. 

Her clouded gaze was drawn, as he flexed his mutilated muscles, to the venom dripping down his ragged shirt. Venom was flammable, very flammable. It was what made vampires burn up so easily without having to set a bonfire first. Perhaps if there was enough venom soaked into his clothes, it could disable him just enough for her to get his head off. Yes, there was venom dribbling down her shirt too, but if he were on the ground then it would only touch her many skirts and she would be somewhat safe. 

Her hand closed around the lighter Peter had slipped into her deep right pocket a month before.

It wasn’t a perfect plan, but it was all she had. 

She took off running at him as fast as she could, while simultaneously dodging to her left. She flipped the lighter open one handed and caught it on his sleeve where the venom gushed. He screamed as his arm immediately went up in flames. She landed with a roll behind him and immediately switched direction, setting his shirt ablaze in the back where her claw marks drenched the fabric. He fell to his knees, scrambling behind him to pat the fire out, only to find his hands on fire too. 

_ “That’s when you find higher ground and jump on them from above.” _

She took her brief opportunity and leapt into the air, coming down with one foot on his chest and the other on the ground beside him. She carefully avoided the flames licking at her skirt and leant down to the man she had pinned to the ground to wrench his head from his shoulders.

It took a lot of force and she had to dig her nails into his cheek for purchase with her one arm. His neck screeched as it tore and his screams grew silent when his lungs disconnected from his throat. Bella threw his head to the side and contemplated her next move.

The man’s body was still burning on the ground. She could put it out. He would be significantly injured, most likely unable to fight and would probably be put down by one of the other lieutenants when they came back. But at least she wouldn’t have killed him. 

But then she looked down to his sneering face, goading her even when death was imminent. She was filled up with petty anger, that someone who was doomed to die anyway would try to kill her. She who had a whole life ahead of her. There were people waiting for her outside of here. She was quite possibly the only person in this camp - in this  _ war _ \- trying to do the right thing, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care to know. He would kill her anyway. 

In the future, when she looked back on that moment she would be filled with emotions even Jasper couldn’t explain. Even though her logic was flawed, even though it went against every moral she was supposed to have; she had never found it within herself to feel guilty. 

Bella flicked the lighter open and burned the man’s head, destroying him once and for all. 

* * *

Her arm didn’t take too much finding. She was almost magnetically drawn to it, like it desperately wanted to be returned to her. 

Unfortunately, that was the only easy part. No matter what she did it would not reattach. 

She had seen the others hold a dismembered limb up to the place it was supposed to go and have the flesh knit back together within minutes. Sure it sounded horrendously painful, but it was at least quick. She had been sitting on the ground beside where her arm had fallen for hours and there was no change. No matter how long she held her arm there, no matter how hard she pushed. She had tried licking it, she had tried drying it off, she had tried everything. 

She was somewhat surprised that Jasper had never included instructions on reattaching limbs in his compendium of information, but dimly recognised that the thought of her losing limbs in this mission probably made him want to hurl. 

She knew why it wasn’t working really, but it was too depressing a thought to deal with. She was too starved, her venom was too weak to do what it was supposed to. 

But there was nothing she could do about that.

She closed her eyes and took in the sounds and smells surrounding her. Nothing. All there was was the wind through the trees and the vague sweet smell of dozens of vampires a mile away. Large amounts of bloodsuckers really did scare off wildlife. She thought with a smile that Jacob would have gotten a kick out of that. 

Sitting there she took a moment of pity and just yearned. She yearned for Edward, her sweet husband and life partner who would do anything for her. He would rip himself apart to stop this happening and he would fix everything. She kicked herself for leaving him, she kicked herself for ever having started this. Had she just gone to 1942 she would be safe with her family by now. 

The distinctive sound of footsteps came thundering towards her and for a second she let herself hope that it was Jasper and that he’d magically turned into the man she knew. He would know exactly what to do. He would understand how she felt, or didn’t feel, about killing that man. He would fix it. She just needed someone who cared to come along to fix it.

It wasn’t Jasper.

“Oh my Belle, are you alright?” Maria drawled, hovering over her with a half convincing look of distress on her face. “I heard the commotion and got worried when you didn’t come back.”

She fussed over Bella’s arm and gasped when she looked into her no doubt black and sunken eyes. “Anton!” She called. “Go intercept the next load of humans and bring one here before the children get them all! Our poor Belle is starved half to death!"

_“No. no…”_ Bella croaked, her energy depleted. “Please don’t, I’ll be fine. I just need a deer or something.”

“Now don’t be silly, Belle.” Maria’s expression twisted into something stern. “I know you like your little animal diet, but it’s too dangerous for you to go out with Johan underground and I can’t stand to see you torturing yourself my darling!”

Bella made to answer, but was interrupted by the most wonderful thing she had ever smelled in her life. Her venom flooded her mouth and embarrassingly dripped out the corner of her lips, her eyes rolled back into her head and her back arched towards her prey.

Maria beamed in victory. “There now, my Belle. Anton has got it all sorted for you. Don’t worry, I know you are weak. Here, I will hold it up for you.”

Bella had just enough of herself in control to notice the human man; between the age of thirty or forty, average height, decent but working class clothes, wedding ring. She had just enough of herself to notice the fear in his eyes as he was passed from Anton to Maria and presented to her like a tray of hors d'oeuvres. She wanted to hold herself back, but before she could even think Maria dug a fingernail into the man’s neck and she had no choice in the matter.

_ If she insists you drink from a human, just do it... if there’s a human in the camp they are already doomed. _

She sank her teeth into the poor fellow and savoured her first ever taste of human blood. The drops that hit her tongue were pure ecstasy, the most incredible thing she had ever tasted or would ever taste again. The world was suddenly perfect, normal. It didn’t matter where she was or who she was. The end of this man’s life didn’t matter, not to her anymore. She had his blood and that was all that counted. Power flowed through her veins, power she hadn’t felt since she was first newborn. She felt her arm knit back into its socket and used it to pull her prey tighter to her.

The high only ended when the blood stopped flowing into her mouth and the magical taste faded away. Maria’s delighted giggle pulled her out of her stupor and she opened her eyes to find her mouth was on the neck of a cooling corpse. She gasped and rapidly pushed it off her.

“I knew it would be wonderful to see, Belle!” Maria laughed. “Oh you looked like you enjoyed that so much! It looked positively orgasmic! I understand why you do it now, sweetheart. Not that I could ever do it myself!” She took Anton’s arm and turned to leave, but hesitated quickly. “I’ll see you back at the camp once you have cleaned yourself up! You have some blood on your chin, darling.”

Bella watched them go, numb to the world. She absently raised a hand and lightly touched her chin. It came away sticky with blood. 

To her horror, something monstrous came over her and she couldn’t stop herself scraping every drop off her chin into her cupped hands and slathering it into her mouth. She cursed herself as she licked her hands clean.

With nothing left on her but stains on her skin and clothes, she finally looked at the man she had just murdered. That look of pain and terror was still etched on his cold pale face. His eyes were open, but the dark blue colour of them was quickly clouding over with a milky film. He stank, his flesh was quickly going rancid in the Texas sun. His neck was half torn apart, but not a drop of blood fell from it. No, he had no blood left.

Such an undignified way to die. 

Bella didn’t know what to feel. She couldn’t feel. A ringing filled her ears and her hands shook. A wretched sob ripped from her lips and then she couldn’t stop her cries. Dry heaving gasps shook her chest and made her clutch her legs to her torso in pain. She stared into the man’s eyes, unable to look away even as wheels drove up to the camp and the screams of the rest of the slaughtered humans travelled to her. 

_ Was his wife with them _ ? She wondered.  _ Were his children? _

She had no idea how much time passed until she ran out of energy to cry and let the numbness take control. She sat there, never moving, never blinking, never taking her eyes off the man’s empty stare. She dimly noted the sound of another batch of humans arriving, of their screams. But she couldn’t ponder on it, she couldn’t think, she couldn’t feel. 

She sat there for countless hours, as the man stiffened and rigor mortis kicked in. Couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t blink, couldn’t unsee.

She didn’t notice the footsteps coming towards her until a hand gently rested on her shoulder. She turned to Peter’s concerned face.

He squatted down to her level and slowly, without breaking their eye contact, licked his thumb and wiped at the bloodstains on her chin. 

“You okay Darlin'?” He whispered.

Bella realised she didn’t know how to answer, her mouth moved but couldn’t form words. She settled for shaking her head. No, she was not okay. 

Peter frowned and another man squatted next to him. Her eyes flit over his face and Jasper worriedly looked right back at her. He pressed his hand to the exposed skin on the side of her neck and suddenly she was filled with an all encompassing feeling of warmth and love. Her chest felt light and her belly tingled, her hands shook and a gasp flew from her mouth at the shock of it. 

Jasper shifted closer to her and cupped his whole hand around the back of her neck, his thumb stroked her jaw. Her eyes fluttered closed as the feeling intensified and drowned out all the cold and the grief still simmering under the surface. 

“Take care of the body,” Jasper mumbled. “I’ve got her.”

He pulled her head into the crook of his neck to maintain the contact, then ran the hand on her neck down around her back and looped the other one under her knees so he could lift her up. He held her close to his chest where her forehead could press against him and her arms rest lightly over his shoulders.

She breathed in his scent as he carried her away from her crime. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting a little darker now, it is a war after all. Please do tell me what you think!


	12. Fix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey kids! Fancy seeing you here!
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this one. There have been a lot of fight scenes lately that tend to take me hours to write, but this is a nice slow chapter that just flowed out. It’s also one of the first ones I ever planned, so I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> While I have you here I wanted to float out an idea. When Bella gets out of the camp (eventually), I’m thinking I might switch up the POV. She would still be our main protagonist but I think it might be fun to see what her companions are doing every now and then! What do you think?
> 
> EDIT  
> With hindsight I realised there needed to be an extra little scene between this chapter and the last one. The flow wasn't quite right, yaknow?. So it has been added at the beginning of this chapter, and the amount of time between the last one and this has been increased a little. Sorry about that folks!
> 
> Much love, happy reading xx

She wished she could stay numb forever, let her brain shut down so she didn’t have to deal with reality. But Jasper sat sprawled in the mud in front of her, pumping this warmth into her and drawing out the emptiness. A dim memory surfaced of her dramatic human years, imagine how helpful he could have been when Edward left her. 

_ “Bella?” _

Reality hit her like a freight train. She couldn’t escape forever.

“Oh fuck, what have I done?” Her head fell into her hands, nails digging into her scalp.

“You killed someone.”

Nothing more had to be said. 

He stayed for hours. Peter ran between them and the camp, covering for their absences until it didn’t work anymore and Jasper was called away. Thankfully she wasn’t needed. She could sit in the mud, where she belonged, and berate herself until the sun rose through the trees and brought her with it. 

It would never be okay. She knew she was changed forever, that first drop of blood had set a fire within her that could never be extinguished. She knew what she was missing now. 

* * *

When she found a quiet moment, Bella took to assessing the condition of her clothes after the fight of the previous day. Her soft cotton blouse had ripped cleanly at the shoulder seam where her arm had been shorn from her body. Its bright white hue had dimmed to brown long ago from the mud and grime she kept finding herself thrown into. Now bloodstains were thrown into the mix. It would never be clean again, but the sleeve was at least fixable. Bella thanked her lucky stars that the delicate brass buttons at the cuff had kept the thing on her arm even as it was thrown away.

Her blouse was fixable, but the scorched fabric at the bottom of her woolen skirts was not. The medium grey was burned an angry black where flames had licked at the hem. Holes littered the area where particularly burned areas had disintegrated into soot at the slightest pressure. 

She swung to the top of her tree and sighed as she removed her shirt to assess the damage more closely.

“Irina is going to kill me…”

“Who’s Irina?”

Peter ambled up to her tree, leaning on it with one arm and a smirk in his eyes. Jasper followed, hands shoved deep into his pockets and eyes curiously cast upon her. 

“Irina is…” Bella hesitated, unsure of how to put it. “A member of a coven closely connected to mine. We’ve always thought of her and her sisters as cousins, sort of. She sent me off with a mending kit.” She laughed, digging it out of her satchel. “Because she didn’t want me to have to steal clothes that didn’t fit.”

“You have a large extended coven then?” Peter asked as he leapt up to his usual branch, close beside hers. 

To her surprise, Jasper quietly followed, climbing the tree until he came to a sturdy branch in front of her. 

She was strangely struck by a strange feeling of self-consciousness; sitting in front of two men in her chemise and corset. It was very strange indeed, she was still more covered up than she had been in her wedding dress in front of dozens of friends and acquaintances. She realised with a start that the time period she was in had finally started to rub off on her, despite the newborns walking around half-naked a few meters away. 

She pulled her hair around to the front to cover some of her modesty and began to thread a needle with clean white thread. “Yes, there’s a few of us. My father is staying with our cousins while I’m gone.”

“... And do any of ‘em drink human blood?” Jasper asked, looking as smug as a man who felt he’d worked something out.

Bella gave him a long look. She decided to finally tell him the truth. “Just one,” She replied, thinking of Garrett. “But I have no doubt he’ll be convinced to try animal blood soon.”

“You all abstain for moral reasons, I presume?” He asked, she nodded in reply. “I sure hope whoever you’re lookin’ for is worth it.”

Bella wanted to tell him that he was, that he always would be, but her fear held her back. Fear that after all this, he might reject her and her family. 

_“Peter, ya dumb sack of shit! Get over here, boy!”_

Peter’s eyebrows rose at Anton’s screaming. “Well, I s’pose I’ve been summoned.” He hoisted himself off the tree and set off back to the camp. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t!”

Bella half expected Jasper to follow him, but to her surprise he just rolled his eyes and turned back to her, his gaze assessing. 

Bella squirmed. “What? Why are you staring at me?”

“It’s nothin’,” He looked straight down at his lap. “Just odd to see you with red eyes.”

She groaned. “Ugh, I’m glad I can’t see it. Haven’t looked in a mirror in a very long time!”

“Me neither,” He grinned. “Other than the occasional glance in a pool of water, I’ve never seen myself. I’m not even sure I know what I look like.”

She laughed a little and then fell into silence. It was almost sad to think of; how isolating this place was that he didn’t even know his own face.

“... Was this the first human you’ve ever killed?” He asked.

She swallowed the shame that pooled in her throat, then winced as Jasper grimaced when he felt it. 

“No.” She croaked out, even quieter than the way they usually spoke. “I’ve killed before.”

She didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t want to think about it. But Jasper looked at her like she had to keep going and a part of her couldn’t refuse anything he asked. 

“I’d been turned about a year and a half. We went on a hunting trip in Canada. Looking for bears.” She smiled a little at the ridiculousness of something so lighthearted. “I was chasing one, but then I smelt a hiker that had gone off-trail. I didn’t even have time to think about what I was doing before I’d tackled him. His head hit the ground and he died on impact…” 

She looked up at Jasper, whose face was remarkably blank. “I didn’t taste his blood though.” She said. “My brother pulled me off him before I could.”

“You have a brother?”

“Yes…” She sighed. “I have a brother. Emmett.”

Jasper frowned and was silent for a moment. “Why would he stop you drinking?” He asked. “That man died for nothin'.”

“Because he knew that once you have drunk human blood it’s harder to resist.” She sighed.

“But now you have.”

“Yep. Now I have.” Her voice cracked. “And now I can’t imagine never having it again. And that’s so God damn scary I don’t know what to do with myself.”

They fell quiet again, neither knowing what to say. Bella hadn’t expected to have opened up so much to him. Somehow, despite their surroundings and the hostility and distrust, she felt just as close to him as she always had. 

“... What’s a hiker?” He finally asked.

Bella snorted, taken off guard. “It’s someone who walks in the woods for fun.”

“Why would someone do that?!” He exclaimed, prompting a giggle out of her. “The woods are dangerous! Are all people in the North stupid? How in hell did they win the war?!”

Her giggles transformed into full-on belly laughs, only quelled when she saw the strange affectionate smile on his face.

“It’s good to see you laughin’.” He said. “Didn’t think I ever would again after the way you were the other day.”

“Mm,” She agreed. “I never got to thank you. For pulling me out of that.”

“I’m not even sure what I did,” He replied. “I pumped that feelin’ into you but I don’t know what it is. You project it sometimes when you look at me and it always makes me feel better. I just intensified it and sent it back to you. I dunno, I can’t place it. It seems too light for a place like this.”

He reached out and laid a hand softly on her wrist where it held the tattered sleeve. A feeling of warmth flooded through her chest, not quite happiness but close. If she were to give it a colour it would be gold. She could feel it swimming through her veins and filling her up with light. Her chest felt like it could burst, her head loose on her shoulders. 

"Do you know what it is?” He softly asked. 

She wanted to tell him. She really did. But how could she explain something like that? How could she possibly justify the love she felt when she saw him? The affection that came from years of shared experiences. There was no way that wouldn’t arouse huge amounts of suspicion. So she sucked it up and lied.

“No. No idea.”

His eyebrows scrunched together and he looked like he was about to say something, but Peter made a running leap into the tree; upsetting the branches and sending loose leaves flying in all directions.

“Sorry about that,” He said. “Maria said she wanted you next, Major.”

Jasper grunted and dropped from the tree. Bella shook herself, the feeling of intimacy with him shocked away. 

“What did she want?” She asked Peter.

“To interrogate me, about how much time I spend away from the camp.” He looked worried and jumped to a branch closer to the camp. “C’mon, I want to keep an eye on things.”

Bella got up and sprang along after him to the top of a much closer tree where they had a view of the camp below. Jasper was walking remarkably slowly past the trees, his gait smooth and hands nonchalantly in his pockets, no haste whatsoever. He had looked almost relaxed, lounging in the tree with Bella, and he seemed to keep some of that energy. 

Yet as he got closer to Maria’s tent, his posture changed. His back straightened and went rigid, his hands lifted from his pockets and formed fists at his sides. Maria glanced through the entrance and his speed doubled. He ran to her and clutched at her hands, practically fell at her feet. She smirked and patted his hair, before leading him backwards out of sight.

Peter frowned. “That was strange.”

“You’ve never noticed it before?”

“No…” He replied. “I’ve never looked. I’m always on the ground with him. Why? Have you noticed?”

“Sometimes.” She pulled him away and out of view of the others. “Sometimes you two get the oddest looks on your faces when you get close to her. Jasper more than you. It’s strange how much she has him wrapped around her every whim.”

“Yes, come to think of it, it is…” He contemplated for a moment. “Bells. You couldn’t extend your shield over me for a moment, could ya?”

Bella did as he asked. The second he was protected, he changed. He deflated like a balloon, his eyes shot wide open and clarified like fine wine. He breathed in deeply and a snarl spread across his mouth.

“That fuckin’ bitch.” He growled.

“Who?” Bella asked, shaken at his sudden turn.

“Maria.” His lip curled. “How I’ve felt about her has always felt sort of distant from me. Detached but affectionate, y’know? But now…”

“How do you feel about her now?”

“I hate her!” He snapped. “I could rip her limb from limb! The horrors of this place! The pain and the killin’! It’s all that fuckin’ bitch’s fault!”

“Shhh!” Bella grabbed his arm. “Don’t let anyone hear you say that!”

He snarled and fell back against the trunk of the tree, sitting with his arms crossed over his chest. “It’s like… comin’ out of the fog.” He said. “Usually I feel a lot more clear when I’ve been runnin’ outside the camp, but I'm more in control of myself now than I ever have been. I’d always assumed it was just the fresh air.”

Bella shrugged. “I guess it must be someone’s ability. Probably Maria’s.”

“How come your shield never took it off me before?”

“It won’t have protected you before if this is Maria’s doing. She’s always been under it too.” She looked more closely into Peter’s eyes. That spark of life in them that she had assumed was dimmed by their surroundings was back, just like in her time.

Peter sighed. “I’m sorry for gettin’ aggressive, doll.” He said. “I have been here for seven years, and my thoughts ‘n feelin’s haven’t been my own this whole time.”

“You’d think you’d be used to that with Jasper around!” Bella tried to joke. He smiled weakly at her efforts. 

“There’s gotta be something better than this.” He mumbled. “Or what’s even the point of carryin’ on?”

“There is,” She whispered. “Peter, the rest of the world is so much better than this. Trust me.”

He looked up at her, his lively eyes coloured to dull rust. 

She grabbed his hand and held it between hers. “Come with me! When I leave here, come with me. Join my coven, be my family. Help me break you and Jasper out. Please?”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “I had a feelin’ that whoever you were lookin’ for was closer than we expected… Am I wrong?”

She shook her head, he absolutely was not wrong. 

"Look,” He said. “I need you to promise me somethin'. You can be pretty mysterious at times and that's fine. But if you want me on board then you have to promise not to keep anything from me. I wanna be in the loop. Okay?'"

Bella bit her lip. She never wanted to hide things from Peter, and she intended to tell him the truth as soon as she could. What if she told him about the time travel and he freaked out? He didn't have the time or space to process something like that in the camp. And she didn't have enough to prove it to him without Jasper. One bad reaction could be the end of her, she had to wait until they were safe to tell him.

With nothing else to say, she nodded.

“Well then,” He linked his fingers with hers. “If this ‘outside world’ of yours is as good as you say it is; I’ll follow you anywhere, sis’.”

Despite the setting and their impending doom, Bella couldn’t help smiling a beaming grin. It felt so good in this empty hellscape, to finally have family, affection, love. A lantern guiding her out of this place, a glimpse of hope for the future. 

_“Listen up!”_ Jasper yelled.

Peter pulled Bella down from the tree and led her back into the camp where everyone else was gathering. Jasper stood in the centre of the crowd, his height and dirty golden hair setting him apart from the others like a halo. The crowd of newborns was rowdy from them all being so packed together; but then a wave of spine-chilling fear flooded through and they all quieted. Despite knowing it was the artificial variety that Jasper could put out, Bella couldn’t help but stand a little closer to Peter.

The crowd settled further when Maria stepped out of her tent and came to stand by her Major, Anton flanked her other side. Despite her short stature, her presence carried as much weight as either lieutenant. The newborns seemed to sigh at her presence, Bella even saw smiles touching the lips of a few of them as they gazed at her. It seemed ridiculous that she and Peter hadn’t figured out that something was up before. 

“It has been brought to our attention that there are some in this camp that feel they can come and go!” Maria announced. “Let me remind you of the rules!” Her eyes locked on Peter and Bella. “Anyone caught missing from the camp without permission will be killed. No warning. No mercy.”

_Well shit. Maria was on to her._


	13. Spy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quickie, up later than I intended, and not much happens. But hey! I had fun!

Human blood took a lot longer to leave your system, and thank God for that. After a week of stretching her shield out over not only herself, but someone else, Bella would usually be desperate for sustenance. The fire in her throat still burned, but it wasn’t the inferno she had come to expect. 

It made sense after all, if all vampires had to hunt once a week like the Cullens did then the humans would figure out that something’s up eventually. 

If the guilt of ending a poor man’s life wasn’t still plaguing her, Bella might even marvel at her control. She had never realised that there was a nagging feeling in the back of her throat, a feeling that she was missing something, there was something she needed to seek out. It made her restless and uncomfortable, itchy in her own skin. She never noticed before. That is, until she had human blood and the feeling went away.

For the first time in her short second life, she felt complete. And she hated herself for it. 

It was because of that that it was fear, not hunger, that prickled down the back of her neck when more humans were herded into the camp. A reward for their successful taking of territory to the south the day before. 

Jasper was by her side in an instant, his hand wrapped around her upper arm. 

“Come with me.” He murmured, pulling her back into the canopy of the forest. 

“Where are we going?”

He stopped. His eyes lingered on her face, then up to the crowd of hungry newborns forming, then back again; as if he were trying to think of an answer.

“Peter is busy gatherin’ more humans.” He finally said. “So you’re comin’ on patrol with me.”

He didn’t give her time to object, not that she would have anyway. 

“You’re sure Maria won’t mind this?”

“‘Course not. You’re with me.”

They walked in a comfortable silence, human paced once they made it to the territory border. Jasper immediately spat on the ground to renew the lines.

“Y’know,” Bella said. “Before I came down to the South for all this, I had no idea that vampires did nearly so much spitting and licking.”

To her surprise, a real belly laugh erupted out of him. 

“You really were spoiled up there, weren’t ya? Never had to draw out your own territory lines?”

“I didn’t realise we had any.” She admitted.

He continued to chuckle, a sound she’d been worried she’d never hear again, one that would fade into her memories of wrestling with Emmett and video game tournaments. 

“Congratulations, by the way.” She said. “On your victory yesterday. I wasn’t there, but Peter told me you were a force of nature.”

Jasper grunted, his good mood faded a little. “It helps that I can slow an army down. Or rile ours up. I have been practicing doing both at once but it’s evadin’ me.”

_ And it always would _ , Bella noted. Despite her congratulations, the fight the day before had scared the crap out of her. It wasn’t in Jasper’s letter, the first major event to not be in one. Part of her hoped that future Jasper had just forgotten it, but that was obviously just wishful thinking. She had altered past events already, and that was terrifying. 

While she was glad to not have to see the fight, the fact that she had no guarantee that Jasper would survive meant she was extremely stressed the entire time. 

They lapsed back into comfortable silence. Jasper continued to check the borders and redraw them in places. Bella kept an ear out for any animal life she could quickly take down to tide her over. She wanted to get rid of her red eyes before she was anywhere near a reflection. However, there was nothing, not even a bird or a rodent. The land was lifeless, just like its inhabitants. 

“You lied to me before.” Jasper announced into the quiet.

Bella frowned. “I did?”

“Last week. I asked you what that feeling was and you lied.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Bella lied. 

“Yes you do! You’re lyin’ again!” 

Jasper was smiling a little, so at least he didn’t seem angry about it. Still, Bella didn’t like being caught out like that and really had no idea how to explain loving someone she had barely known for five months. 

“Despite my lies,” She said. “You seem a lot more relaxed around me than you were before.”

She was worried that this would make him tense up, but thankfully he kept his easygoing mood.

“I always knew you were hiding somethin’. There was a constant air of deceit around you that I couldn’t work out. But then I saw you after you drained that man and realised you can’t have ever done it before.” He glanced back at her. “I understand why you would hide that. Nothin’ would get you run outta camp faster than tellin’ Maria that you disagree with her lifestyle for  _ moral _ reasons.”

“And that helped?”

“Well now I know what you’re bein’ deceitful about. Makes it a lot easier to trust you won’t up and murder us.”

Bella let them fall back into the quiet, but Jasper was practically twitching in agitation. 

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you changed the subject!” He exclaimed.

Bella couldn’t help it. She erupted into cackling laughter. If any wildlife had risked being near the camp, she surely scared them away.

“I have to know what it is, Bella!” 

She shrugged and tried to give him her best confused expression, but he wasn’t having it. 

“Look, usually I rely on Peter for some happiness around here. I don’t know how he does it, but he finds a way to be positive despite this place. His emotions are like a beacon of light in the gloom of all the anger and bloodlust. It keeps me sane. But you! You are not just a beacon, you’re the sun! I feel I have to be near you just to stay warm!”

They had stopped walking as he talked. He turned to face her and picked up her wrist, his fingers brushed at the skin peeking out from her cuff and made her shiver. 

“There is a darkness in you now.” He said. “One that wasn’t there before. I know it comes from this place, and I know that sometimes it swallows you. But every so often, you feel  _ this _ .” He flooded her with it, gold filled her veins, her head lifted and her dead heart sputtered. “And it makes me feel alive! Please, Bella. I have to know what it is. I have to!”

It was love. So transparently, obviously love. The second Jasper got out of there and felt it elsewhere he would realise. But Bella couldn’t just tell him, just like she couldn’t just tell Peter about the time travel. There was no room for him to react poorly, any mistake could be fatal. But she couldn’t lie to him, not anymore.

“You remind me of someone.” She said very carefully. “My sister. When I first saw you, I couldn’t stop thinking about her.”

“Jeez, you have a large family.” He said. “So this is how you feel about your sister?”

Bella nodded, unsure. It was very much a half truth. Jasper obviously did remind Bella of Alice, there was no avoiding that when almost all of her memories of the two were linked. But her love for Alice felt different; it didn’t make her feel light, it made her feel warm and like she wanted to laugh. Jasper had his own brand of love, one that she wasn’t quite sure how to explain. It wasn’t quite true, but for the time being she would let him believe it.

“I just don’t understand.” He said. “How did your family let you come here? You talk about them like they are the best of people, but they let you join an army without a way to even know if you are alive or dead?”

Bella swallowed hard and bit her lip. She thought for a moment and then grabbed his hand, pulling him along with her out of the territory. “Come with me.”

What she was doing was a risk. A huge risk. The fallout could be tremendous. But, she had to make progress somewhere. Yes, Jasper’s attitude towards her had improved immensely, but then all she had was a close relationship within a war camp. At some point she had to broach the topic of leaving together and quite frankly, the sooner the better. There was no getting around it. He had to know that she didn’t intend to stay, that there were people out there waiting for both of them.

Bella warred within herself until the little yellow shack came into view through the trees. 

“...What is this?” Jasper whispered, his tone terse and guarded. 

“It’s a post office.” She said simply and reached to unlatch the ramshackle door, never letting go of Jasper’s hand.

The door swung open and revealed a large pile of letters on the shelf. Bella realised with a sinking feeling how worried her family must have been, she hadn’t been in the post office for over a month, Carlisle must have been terrified. 

She forgot her company for a moment and scooped up the letters, sifting through them to recognise the various styles of handwriting. There was at least one from every member of her coven, every person who loved her. 

“So you are spying…” Jasper murmured from behind her. He stared around him with wide eyes.

“No!” She span around and grabbed the first letter in the pile, an unsealed note from Kate. “Read this and tell me I’m spying.”

He gave her a wary look and unfolded the paper.

“ _ April 11th, 1886, _ ” He read aloud. “ _ My darling Bella, _

_ It has been over a month now since we have received word from you and I must say Carlisle is getting rather frantic. Tanya tells me he has been drafting plans to break you out for the past two weeks and it is becoming difficult to talk him out of storming the place himself. I know you are not avoiding our letters, sweet girl. But please, when you at last receive this letter, do leave an answer right away. I left some more writing equipment should you need it.  _

_ Garrett and I will be running between here and Kansas every day until we hear word from you. Then we plan to loiter around Dallas for some time, so long as you are safe.  _

_ I send you all my love, dear one. _

__ _ Kate.” _

Jasper refolded the note and passed it back to her, avoiding eye contact. 

“This is your cousin?”

“Yes,” Bella kept her eyes on him, trying to gauge his mood on his impassive face. “She and her mate have been travelling around the area.”

Jasper hummed and nodded, his eyes locked on the floor.

“She speaks as if you have plans.”

Bella sucked in a breath. This was a delicate situation, and it was vital that Jasper didn’t detect a hint of deception from her. No matter what, she could not lie. 

“We do.” She finally said. “She keeps me updated on where she is so that I can find her when I leave.”

He met her eyes then.

_ “When you leave?” _

“Yes. I’ll go home eventually.”

Jasper’s brow furrowed. His gaze bore intently into her, but not with the anger she was half expecting. He looked at her with fear and pity, sadness radiated off him in waves he was projecting.

“You really think you can leave?” He whispered. “The only way Maria is letting you out of here is as a pile of ash.”

“Then I guess I’ll be escaping.”

He sighed. “You can’t escape, it’s not possible.”

“Of course it’s possible!” Bella grasped his hand, coaxing him to look her in the eye. “You could come with me you know.”

_ “Come with you?” _

“There’s a whole other world out there, Jaz. One that’s so much better than this. This place is full of hatred and pain and bloodshed, but that’s not all the world is! You think me and Peter are light? You should see a school, a wedding... a birthday party! This place is so grey and numb, but the real world is just a few miles away and it’s full of life!”

Jasper didn’t speak, he gazed down and their joined hands with an unreadable look in his eyes. 

“Even if it were possible…” He mumbled. “I can’t leave Maria.”

“Do you mean you can’t leave her or you don’t want to leave her?”

“Does it matter?” He finally let her go and stared back down at the ground.

Bella sighed, exasperated. “Peter and I have a theory. We think Maria has an ability to make people love her.”

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “That’s ridiculous.”

“No it makes sense! It always seemed so weird that she’s basically keeping you and the newborns as slaves but no one seems to care. But then I put my shield over Peter and suddenly he hated her. It’s like it took away the hold she had over him.”

Jasper didn’t look convinced, Bella’s temper heated up..

“You have to believe me!”

“I don’t-” Jasper sighed. “I know you ain't lyin’ Bella. I don’t think you’re lyin’, I just think you’re wrong. And besides, my feelin’s about Maria aren’t the only thing that keeps me here.”

“What else?”

“Anton. He’s a tracker.”

“So? We can deal with trackers, I put my shield over us and we jump in the ocean for a few weeks to cover our scent. Problem solved.”

“Not for this kinda tracker.” Jasper said. “Anton can bind to two people, and once he’s bound to them, he can track them forever. Not through their smell or nothin’, through their minds. Right now he’s bound to Maria and  _ he’s bound to me _ . No matter where I go, he will find me.”

Bella was thunderstruck, for more than one reason.

“But-”

“No, Bella.” Jasper chuckled, a dark despondent sound. “You can’t shield me forever.”

“Jasper.” She stepped into his space, grasped him by the upper arms and pulled herself up to her tiptoes to look him better in the eye. “I will find a way to get you out of here. I will do whatever it takes. You don’t deserve this life.”

For a second he stood there, nose inches from hers, breathing her air. Then he sighed and pulled away.

“Good luck Bella.”

He turned and ran back towards camp, most likely to finish his patrol. Bella needed to get back as soon as possible before anyone noticed, but she had one thing to do first.

She grabbed a sheet of paper and a pencil from the pile Kate so kindly left and scratched out a quick note.

_ Everyone, _

_ I’m okay, I promise. I’m sorry I scared you all. Maria has issued an order that no one is allowed to leave the camp, I won’t be able to send or receive messages for a while. I don’t know how long. Please don’t come to the camp. Seriously, _ **_don’t._ ** _ I have Jasper and Peter looking out for me. I’ll be fine, I swear. _

_ I love you all, _

_ Bella _

She folded the note in half and left it neatly on the now empty shelf. The other correspondence she shoved in her bag, to be read and then burned later. She took off towards the camp, following Jasper’s scent back to the boundary line. 

Anton’s involvement in this plagued her thoughts, not just because he was a weaselly little slimeball that left metaphorical oil slicks on everything he touched, but because it was so surprising. This was a huge problem she had to tackle, and yet it wasn’t in the letters she had brought with her. She couldn’t get her head around it, there was no way Jasper didn’t think it was important. Did he not know?

It was stressful, and frankly terrifying. But for the first time Bella could see the light at the end of the tunnel. She had two things stopping her from grabbing Jasper and running like hell. Anton’s power, and then Maria’s. For the first time, she truly knew her enemies. 


	14. Useless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Wednesday kids! This is quickiest of quickie chapters, unbeta-d because I literally wrote it in the last 20 minutes. Riggosia said they'd like to hear about what Carlisle's up to, and y'know what I agree. So here's literally less than 500 words of Carlisle freaking out, we'll be back to Bella on Saturday xx

CPOV

Carlisle growled at the papers before him, their words and images blurred into a vat of pointless, useless information. None of this was helpful, none of this was of any use to him. It was just relentless busywork heaped onto him by Tanya to stop him running to Texas at the slightest provocation.

The lady in question glanced sharply up at him. 

“I think you will find that your papers have done very little to provoke you, Carlisle.”

He grunted and pushed them away from him. “I don’t even know what we are doing here.”

“We are helping Bella.”

“No we’re not!” He exclaimed, pushing back in his chair and pacing about the room. “If we were helping Bella we would be seven hundred miles south right now!”

“Must I have this conversation with you every day, Carlisle?” Tanya stayed in her seat, her voice calm; her stern grip on the table before her was the only signal to her true frustration. “We shall use the information given to us to prepare a plan for dealing with the Romanian Coven. To help Bella in the long term. In the meantime, you must trust Kate and Garrett to keep an eye on her; and you must trust Bella to keep herself safe. She is more capable than you give her credit for.”

His eyes flashed. “I know how capable she is. Even a girl with her talents and ingenuity does not stand a chance against twenty rabid newborns.”

“And neither do you.”

Tanya stared him down, not flinching from the furious eye contact until the tension drained from his spine and he fell back into his seat.

“We have had no word from her in a month,” He whispered. “What if we never see her again? What if I sent my only child to her death?”

She leant forwards and gripped his hand. Loose curls of her ice blond hair fell onto her shoulders, she and Irina had been less scrupulous in their appearances in recent months. Kate had given up altogether. 

“There is no way you could have stopped her.” She squeezed. “At least this way she is not alone.”

He sighed into the silence, his eyes falling back to the maps in front of him. He would take one more second, he told himself, one more second to drown. Then he would return to his useless work, swallow his worry and settle to sit and wait for word from the daughter he loved. 

Little did he know that Kate was racing towards the house, hastily scribbled note clenched in hand, carrying news that his child was alright.


	15. Seduce

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wassup my dudes! I’m so excited to send you guys this chapter, cuz it was BETA’D OMG! So if you notice that the quality of my writing is just way better then you have Scribe of the Fey to thank. And a thousand thanks again from me! (I know I’ve already thanked you eight times, but I’m just chucking another thousand on there)  
> Also, I hope you guys enjoyed the mini chapter from Wednesday. It was fun to write something little that doesn’t have to adhere so much to a larger plot and story structure, so I might do more every now and then!  
> ALSO also, I wanted to differentiate properly between the letters and Bella’s internal dialogue, so passages from the letters are now set out in BOLD ITALICS. I might go back and change it in previous chapters if I find the energy.

_**So again, writing like this = passages from the letters** _

* * *

There were many events during Bella’s time in Maria’s camp that she would avoid thinking about for the rest of her life. Though, there would always be some things she would never be able to shake from her mind; questions that would forever go unanswered and images that would never go away.

The morning that she was called from her tree and thrown a length of rope was one of them.

Jasper’s frame was tense as he nodded for her to follow him. They walked to a clearing a small distance away from the camp. Bella could tell from her friend’s mood that they wouldn’t be having a heart to heart like last time.

Maria was already standing in the clearing; with Anton already at her side. Bella wanted to ask what was going on, but Jasper’s thunderous presence at her side kept her quiet. She avoided looking at anyone in particular and worried the unexplained rope between her fingers.

Finally, the familiar sound of a carriage rattling in the distance cut through the silence.

Maria smiled. “Ah, at last.” She turned to her companions. “Have you ever turned anyone, Belle?”

Bella shook her head, not trusting her voice.

“Not to worry!” Maria sauntered towards her and tapped condescendingly on her nose. “It’s easy. If you get too carried away, one of us will just pull you off. Now that you are off your silly animal diet I think you should have the control for it.”

Bella held her breath and willed herself not to react, feeling Jasper’s eyes on her even after Maria turned away. He could feel her horror, there was no point in trying to hide it from him. She subconsciously inched closer to him and he let their hands brush.

“I won’t let you kill, don’t worry.” He breathed, too low for the others to hear.

Bella nodded to show her thanks, but it really didn’t help that much. This was an innocent human that she was about to put through hell, damn to a horrific life that would undoubtedly end in being ripped apart and burned. Would she be responsible for this person, morally speaking? Was this really better than killing them?

She felt no better about it by the time Peter brought the carriage to a halt in front of them. Bella’s shield immediately stretched to protect him from Maria's influence. When he opened the door, five humans poured out—one for each of them.

Jasper lead her to two humans who were huddling together, trembling in fear.

He nodded at the rope in her hands. “We tie them up first, so they don’t flail too much when they’re changin’.”

Bella frowned. Surely being restrained would make the experience much worse for the humans, not that flailing helped to lessen the pain. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed everyone was looking at her, waiting for her to move.

With a gulp and gentle hands, she wrapped the length of rope around the shuddering woman in front of her and tied her arms securely to her torso. She looked like she was in her early twenties at most, with dark copper hair, green eyes, and fine sharp features. A part of her was reminded of Edward, but she shook the thought away as soon as it appeared.

The woman to her right screamed. With a turn of her head Bella saw Jasper licking the excess blood off his lips, letting his victim fall to the floor and wail uncomforted. He schooled his grimace into a neutral expression and turned to her expectantly, it was her turn.

The girl in her arms was violently trembling, her breath came out in sharp bursts that rattled her frail chest. As Bella ducked her head down to the girl’s neck, part of her was impressed with her own control. She didn’t need this blood. She sure as hell wanted it, but she didn’t need it.

She paused before her teeth sunk in, just long enough to whisper an apology in the girl’s ear and hope the screaming covered it from the others. The girl's paper-thin skin parted easily under her razor-sharp teeth.

Bella’s entire being sparked to life as the first drop of blood hit her tongue. This being her second victim, she could appreciate the finer notes in her lifeblood. This one was sweeter than her last, thinner in texture and more fragrant in aftertaste. But above all, it was delicious. Life-affirming, perfect, made everything she had gone through worth it.

Gone.

A rough hand clenched her hair and yanked her head away from the girl’s neck. Bella struggled at first. But when the girl’s fearfully sharp eyes crossed and clouded over with pain, she remembered what they were doing.

She cringed at the first scream.

“Surely they didn’t get enough venom in their systems?” She whispered to Jasper, who still had a hand in her hair, resting on the back of her head. “It will take them forever to change.”

“That’s the point.” He replied. “The extra blood in them will make them stronger. More violent at the beginning too. They’ll take about five days to change, rather than the usual three.”

“It’s horrible…” She breathed.

His hand tightened on her hair, his nails scratched pleasantly over her scalp.

“I know…”

_“Major.”_ Maria’s voice drew their attention. Jasper’s hand fell from Bella’s hair. “I have no patience for all the noise right now. Keep an eye on them here and come back to camp when they are close to waking. I will send someone else to deal with them on their first few days.”

Jasper swept towards her and raised her hand to his lips. “As you wish, Ma’am.”

Maria drew him down for a proper kiss, which Bella turned to avoid looking at. Unfortunately, it sounded like it involved tongues. An unpleasant heavy feeling settled in her stomach, only alleviated slightly when Peter rested a warm hand on her shoulder.

“Come on,” He whispered. “Let’s go back.”

* * *

**_I wasn’t quite Maria’s right-hand man at the time you are going back to. I undoubtedly was her favorite, but there was another who was just as close to her. His name was Anton. He’s tall, and he has short black hair, was Mexican before he was turned so his skin’s a little bit darker than ours. Fairly generic description, but you’ll be able to recognize him from the way he fawns around Maria. He won’t be as big a threat to you as I will be, but you should still be wary of him._ **

Bella and Peter sat back in their tree, watching a bedraggled Maria slink back into camp. There was a new rip in her dress, where someone had clearly been too impatient in undoing its bindings.

“So the Major will be away from camp for a few days.” Peter said.

“Yes.” Said Bella. “So it’s the perfect time to deal with Anton.”

Peter turned to her, a frown painted on his pretty face. “I’m sorry I didn’t think of this. I knew Anton was tracking the Major, but for some reason, it just didn’t occur to me that it would be an issue for us.”

“It’s okay,” She replied. “I didn’t think of it either.”

**_His gift was powerful, that’s how he rose through the ranks and became lieutenant with me. He could bind with your mind and track you from anywhere, no running or covering up your scent would save you. However, he could only bind to two and he had to physically touch them in order to do it. In 1886, he was bound to Maria and an old associate, Drina, who she wanted to keep an eye on._ **

If Jasper in the future was under the impression that Anton wasn’t tracking him, then they were in one of two situations. Either Jasper didn’t know that he was being tracked, or Bella had accidentally changed events in a way that made Anton change his mind.

“You said you knew? Did Jasper tell you he was being tracked?”

“Sure did,” Peter replied. “Remember a couple’a days after you killed that man? Maria called us both into her tent. Apparently Anton clapped him on the back and he felt him bond.”

_Shit_. So she had changed events.

“He said it hurts,” Peter continued. “Like getting stabbed in the back over and over. Fitting really.”

Bella snorted. “Guess I’ll look forward to that.”

Peter groaned, his head cracked back against the trunk of the tree their shared branch grew out of. “Why can’t we just kill him?”

Bella sighed and let her own head loll in annoyance. “How would that go? If we lure Anton away and attack him would we definitely win?”

“Well… not definitely.”

“So he kills us,” Bella surmised. “ _Or_ he doesn’t manage to kill us and just runs back to camp and informs Maria instead. Then what?”

“Then we’re runnin’ with a newborn army on our tails.”

“Right. Which we want to avoid at all costs.”

“Right.” Peter pursed his lips. “I still think your plan is over complicated though.”

“It’s just complicated enough.” Bella scooted further forwards on her branch of the tree, away from the camp as if it would help keep her low tone undetected from the army behind her. “I approach Anton while Jasper isn’t here, lift my shield off myself, trick him into tracking me instead of Jasper. Then, when Jasper comes back I can shield him from Maria without Anton noticing. And then when we escape I can put my shield down and he can’t find us. Simple.”

He frowned. “I thought the shield was on you permanently.”

“It is.” She replied. “But I can lift it off myself. It just takes effort.”

“How much effort? How long have you had it off yourself in the past?”

“Well…” Bella had had a considerable amount of practice playing around with her shield in her first few years of vampire life. She used to sit with Edward for hours, stretching her shield over random members of the household and having him work out who it was, then lifting it off herself and watching the grin spread across his handsome face. He always treasured that, the brief stolen glimpses into her mind.

She shook off the thoughts of her lost husband again. They wouldn’t be worth dwelling on for some time and weren’t helpful at that moment.

“A few hours.” She concluded. “And I can’t really do other things while it's off, so I’ll need a lot of help.”

He raised an eyebrow. “And are we plannin’ on leavin’ in a few hours?”

“I doubt it.”

“You do see why I think this is a shitty plan, right?”

“Yeah, but it’s the only one we’ve got, Petey!” She returned to her post peeking out of the spring leaves for their opportunity.

_“Don’t fuckin’ call me that…”_

She shushed him. “Look! Anton’s on his own! This is our chance!”

He sighed and tugged on her arm. “Are you sure about this? You’d have to keep your shield up for ages. We have time to think of somethin’ else.”

“We’ve gotta use the opportunity of me having just fed. It’s rare that I have this much power, may as well make use of it.” She passed her soft leather satchel to him. “Keep this safe, I’ll see you later.”

He hooked it over his shoulder. “Good luck I guess…”

She cast him one last reassuring smile and dropped from the tree, landing a few paces from the edge of the camp. Anton was lounging on a fallen trunk, watching the clouds; relaxed to the untuned eye. Bella understood though, he wasn’t really chilling out. Appearing relaxed in such a stressful environment was a huge power play.

She strolled across the camp at a human pace, trying to emulate some of that relaxed energy he was throwing out and frantically going through the information Jasper had given her about the man.

**_Anton is easy to underestimate. Remember this is a man that is madly, obsessively in love with a beautiful woman who constantly puts him down and belittles him. He has to watch her sleep with other men and choose me over him all the time._ **

“Good afternoon, Anton!” She softly called to him once she was sure she had his attention.

He looked surprised. “Afternoon, Belle.”

She stopped in front of him and spoke too quietly for anyone around them to hear. _Form intimacy with him, make him feel special._ “I was wondering if I could sit and chat with you, while it’s quiet.”

He stared at her for a second, then gestured to the ground beside him in a universal gesture of _go ahead._

**_That kind of abuse does things to people. It wrecked him from the inside out. It made him aggressive and desperate to prove himself._ **

She slipped down beside him, rearranging her skirts around her as she went, then sat and drew a blank. What kind of conversation starter was suitable for this kind of situation?

He was looking at her funny, waiting for her to speak. She giggled nervously.

“I feel like I barely know you. Would you tell me about yourself?”

He shrugged. “Not much to tell, I can’t remember much of my human life. Been here twenty years and it’s all been much of the same.” He frowned at her. “Peter is still here y’know, since when are you chompin’ at the bit to talk to me?”

**_He’s a considerable fighter, with many gifts and avantages. But he’s ruled by his ego. Appeal to that and he will be easily manipulated._ **

She bit her lip and tried to shyly glance at him under her lashes. _Appeal to his ego._ “Oh you know… there’s only so long I can talk to Peter before craving… a different kind of conversation.”

The man snorted. “Bored of dipshit talk, eh? I don’t blame ya.”

She went quiet to think of a new thing to say, but he beat her to it.

“You look better with red eyes, y’know.”

“I do?”

He nodded. “Goin’ back to your natural food source must feel good. It sure as hell feels good to watch ya drink from it.”

She tried to ignore the implications in that comment, and the leery gaze being leveled at her.

“‘Sides,” He continued. “That animal shit clearly doesn’t do as good a job as human blood. You always look hungry.”

“It is just as good, actually.” She lied. This was it, the first real time she had gone off-plan. Jasper, in his long compendium of advice, had never accounted for her having to part way seduce Anton and take down her one real advantage. “It’s just that I always have my shield up and it drains a lot of energy.”

He frowned at her, finally dropping his indifferent act and fully paying attention. “Your shield isn’t always up naturally?”

“No.” She smiled as she lied again, trying to look fondly annoyed at Carlisle. “My sire was really uncomfortable with me coming down here, so he told me I had to keep it up all the time to keep myself safe. But it’s becoming such a strain, I’m considering taking it down.”

“Safe from what?”

She shrugged. “Anyone with a mental gift? He worries about me, poor soul.”

“There’s no one here who has a power that could hurt you.”

“That’s true.” She smiled indulgently at him. “And if someone comes along that does, you’ll protect me until I can put it up, right?”

His chest puffed up and a smirk bloomed on his face. “Of course I’ll protect you. Better than the Major or his little weakling could.”

She giggled, the sound soured in her ears. “My sire had no idea I would be with someone like you when I came here. I’m sure that if he did, he wouldn’t have been nearly so worried about me!”

He grinned, one side of his mouth slyly lifting higher than the other, and shifted towards her. His arm spread out to the side and rested on the ground just behind her. “Nothin’ to worry about. You’re safe to drop the shield.”

_This is it._ She internally cringed as she closed her eyes and brought her shield into her consciousness. It was anchored onto her, as per usual, and stretched over to the trees where Peter was watching her. She fidgeted with the edges, pulling them this way and that until with a wrench of effort she pushed it off herself and held it above her. Her mind shuddered with the strain and she took a second to get used to the sensation.

Being without her shield always felt strange, like she was naked and exposed, but it was even stranger in a camp surrounded by many other vampires. The blanket that protected her from them was gone and she felt their presences like a cold draught. When she turned to look back at Anton, he was smiling at her like he could see her differently.

“There,” He cooed. “Does that feel better?”

She nodded, swallowing the tension in her head and neck. “It’s nice to feel normal again. Like I do at home.”

“Good.” He returned his eyes to the sky, watching the clouds pass over them. “This is your home now.”

There it was, Bella thought. Concrete evidence that Maria expected her to stay there. What kind of home would this make? She glanced back at the soldier sitting beside her. Was he really so content here that he never considered leaving?

**_He’s not power-hungry in the traditional sense. He’s desperate for Maria. She was like a drug to him and he would put up with anything to be near her._ **

“Yes.” She whispered. The pressure in her head was already getting too much to bear while also thinking of things to say. “I do miss my coven though.”

Anton grunted, clearly not interested in that topic of conversation. It didn’t matter though, he would be.

**_It’s sad really, he was ripped apart in front of her in 1904 and she was annoyed at the most._ **

She continued to whisper. “Sometimes I think about leaving…” His eyes shot to hers dangerously fast. “Sneaking off when everyone is busy and running home. They’re living in California right now. I love the mountains there.”

That lie right there was vital. Vital to leading Anton and the newborns in the wrong direction when they finally escaped.

“Yer thinkin’ of leavin’?” He growled, his accent grew thick and his voice angry.

**_The problem for you is how much she emasculated him. He would take a power trip anywhere else he could get it, especially on women. That will be your issue, he might try to intimidate you._ **

She could see him restraining himself. The muscles in his jaw tensed outwards and the ones in his arms rippled as he flexed. Bella noticed movement in the trees out of the corner of her eye. Peter was getting ready to leap to her aid.

This was a more violent reaction than she was expecting, clearly she hadn’t stroked his ego enough. But if he were thinking, he would realise he couldn’t kill her. Maria needed her. She just needed to remind him of that.

“Yes,” She tried not to shudder. “I know that it’s wrong to think about it. After all, Maria needs me to keep her safe from Johan.” She literally fluttered her eyelashes at him. “It’s just an errant thought... and I trust you to keep it to yourself.”

The promise of violence in his eyes faded a little. He must not have thought about Bella’s importance to Maria. She maintained eye contact, willing him to take the bait. _Come on. You can’t kill me but there’s something else you can do._

His temples tensed with effort and a sharp jabbing pain assaulted her back. It reminded her of injections she’d endured as a human, only this pain wasn’t over in half a second. It latched onto her spine at the base of her neck and pulsed. _Jab jab jab…_

It worked, Anton had bound himself to her. He would never unbind from Maria, so Jasper must have been free.

She gave him a weak smile, exhausted already from holding her shield up and maintaining this deceitful disgusting conversation.

“I should go see what Peter’s doing.”

She felt his eyes on her all the way until she had leapt into the tree and out of view. Even then, she knew he was looking.

**_Overall, just stay away from him. I would much rather you just stay away from him._ **

She snapped her eyes closed as soon as she was settled, to shut out the extra stimuli. Peter’s hand rested on her arm.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” She whispered. “It just takes a lot of focus to keep the shield off me.”

“And that talk with Anton? I couldn’t hear you.”

She shivered. “He’s awful. I hate him.”

“Me too…” sighed Peter. “Bells, is it too much? What happens if you put your shield down now?”

“He won’t be able to sense me anymore. He’ll assume I’m trying to escape and come after me, or decide it’s more important to track Jasper after all. Neither is good.”

“... Can you really keep this up?”

She dared pull her energy away from maintaining the position of her shield for a second to look at him.

“I have to.”


	16. Shield

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello ma dudes! Happy Sunday!
> 
> A few notes this time:  
> \- You might have noticed that the rating of this fic has gone up - I thought it was time. I’ve described a dead body in pretty graphic detail, this chapter is fairly violent too. I don’t think I’m gonna put sex scenes in this. This romance isn’t really very sexual in my mind, although that would happen, so sex scenes would sort of just be there for the sake of it? I dunno, let me know what you think, I’ll put warnings if I ever do decide to.
> 
> \- I’ve had a few questions over time about Charlotte - our fave gal - and just wanted to address them here. According to my calculations, Charlotte was born around 1914. Jasper escaped in 1938, 3 years after Peter, who escaped 1 year after Charlotte was turned - so Charlotte was turned in 1934. There’s this feeling deep inside of me that Peter was turned way later than I have him here. I won’t lie - it’s keeping me up at night. But I need him for the plot. (Could you imagine these chapters without him? Yowch) Rest assured, Charlotte will appear - it’ll just be a while. 
> 
> My thanks again to the wonderful Scribe of the Fey for polishing this up to an actually readable standard!

When Bella's five days of waiting were up, she was ravenous.

The relentless burning in her throat was almost enough to distract her from her mutinous shield. It was barely relieved by the rabbits and birds Peter had been running dangerously far to fetch her. As it was, she could hardly move without shaking that delicate concentration. If she were only holding her shield off herself it might not have been so bad. Stretching it over Peter was usually so easy it had become second nature. But the two in conjunction made it impossible to function. She just sat in her tree with her eyes closed and hoped Maria would have no tasks for her. Peter made a routine of finding jobs that would take him far enough from the camp for her to not need to shield him - but he couldn’t do that forever.

A part of her looked forward to the moment when Jasper came back. His presence meant progress. Once he was free from Maria’s influence, logically there was nothing else to stop them from escaping.

Aside from the horde of newborns, of course.

Another part of her, the one attached to a shield, was fiercely dreading Jasper’s return. Shielding him, as well as Peter, would be nigh on impossible. She was taking on way too much, but realistically, she didn’t have a choice. If she were to drop her shield from Peter when he was around Maria, she might notice the fluctuation in his attitude and realise what Bella was doing. There was no doubt that she had already worked out that Bella’s shield protected from her gift. Bella had never realised that she should have been pretending to be in love with the warlord. Jasper hadn’t known to suggest it.

“The Major’s back…” Peter murmured in her ear.

If Jasper was walking back into the camp, it must have been five days since they last saw him. The new newborns (including Bella’s progeny) must have woken up so someone else had been sent to watch them for their first week. She wasn’t sure if the time had gone painfully slowly or dangerously quickly.

She cracked her eyes open, squinting in the midday Texas sun and the glow reflected off herself and her friend. Jasper was standing in the centre of camp, hands clasped properly behind his back as he observed the soldiers. His dirty blonde hair was pushed back from his face; showing off the fine angle of his cheekbones and curling around his jaw. His eyes were a dark red, from a couple of weeks without feeding.

Bella focused her pitch-black ones on him and slowly, inch by inch, wrestled the shield over him. The effort made her dizzy, she would have pitched forward were it not for Peter’s steadying hand on her shoulder. She wanted to close her eyes again, to take away the light and the movement from the world around her, but she was glad she didn’t when she saw his reaction.

It had worked. Jasper’s head shot up from where it had been cast low towards the ground. His back tensed and shoulders pulled back. His stance widened, knees bent, and a snarl pulled at his lips. He stood like that for a moment, shock still. Only his wide eyes darted around him, looking at the world like it was his first time seeing it.

His chest heaved with a deep breath and he finally turned to the tree, where Bella and Peter peered back at him. He held their gazes for a moment, his brow furrowed; then a wave of sadness, confusion and fear reached them, making their heads spin and bellies feel weak. He ran a hand over his face and pulled back on a fistful of his hair. Then he turned on his heel and marched away into the canopy of trees.

Bella finally let her eyes slide shut to concentrate on him while he was still close enough. She grasped on to the essence of him and held her shield there, letting him pull it with him as he walked away. She couldn’t cover him for more than half a mile, but her range appeared to be much larger than Maria’s.

Peter let out a breath. “Well, that went better than I thought it would. Was half-convinced he’d attack Maria for a second there. That would’a gone bad.”

Bella couldn’t answer, but he had grown accustomed to one-sided conversations in the time that they had been waiting.

“Poor guy looks like he’s havin’ a crisis…” Peter continued. “Ya think I should go after him? Nah… He’ll have questions and probably be mad. I’d rather not have anything ripped offa me. I would say you should talk to him if it were possible. He’s nicer to you than he is to me. Maybe it’s ‘cause yer a lady. I’ve always got the feelin’ off him that under all that angry soldier business he’s a right gentleman. Think he came from gentlefolk? I wouldn’t be surprised-”

Were they one-sided conversations or just rambling monologues? Bella couldn’t decide.

Eventually, Peter left her with the promise of finding her something to eat and a task of some sort that would take him and Jasper away for her to have a break. Bella was grateful when they walked together out of the range of her shield, which snapped back to her like a rubber band. She struggled to hold it up over her with the force.

Peter had timed this well, for Bella’s purposes. She needed to do something, something that involved opening her eyes and moving. He and Jasper had volunteered to go round up more humans for the second feed, the first one was almost there.

_ “...if there’s a human in the camp they are already doomed. It is more important that you stay alive.” _

She repeated Jasper’s words in her head over and over as she climbed down from her tree and made her way to the pit in the centre of camp.

She needed this. She could never keep up what she was doing on tiny amounts of animal blood alone. If her shield slipped then they could all be dead. This was necessary, it was justified. That was the only reason why she was walking towards the feeding ground.

She suppressed the monster inside her that was far too happy about this decision.

She pictured her family’s faces despite desperately trying not to. They would understand. They would forgive her. Several had told her themselves.

Emmett…  _ “Just do whatever it takes to survive, Bells.” _

Carlisle… _ “...if you find yourself in a position where you are feeding on humans, whether it was a slip-up, a forced situation, or by choice; know that I do not judge you.” _

Esme… _ “You could never disappoint me, my darling.” _

Bella had a feeling the others hadn’t thought about it. Couldn’t think about it.

A carriage rattled ever closer to the camp. Newborns started to congregate around Bella, forced to hold themselves back from leaping at their prey until they had word from a lieutenant. She supposed they thought she was in charge. She felt sick at the thought.

Anton led a procession of humans towards the pit, ten of them. Their whimpers were almost drowned out by the growls and snarls that fell from the newborns’ burning throats.

He caught sight of her and frowned. This was very unlike her, feeding from a human voluntarily. The lie that she abstained from human blood to make it taste better had slipped over the past weeks, clearly. Still, he nodded at her and held three humans back rather than the usual two for him and Maria.

He shoved the rest into the pit before them and ordered them to stand up. Bella knew from experience that she wished she didn’t have that if they were allowed to cower on the floor when the newborns descended, they would just get trampled to death and waste blood.

She really _ really _ wished she didn’t know that.

The humans stood on shaking feet and desperately stared around for mercy. Many of their eyes lingered on her, the only one there who was properly clothed and not snarling at the sight of them. She couldn’t meet their eyes, choosing instead to look at Anton. He was in charge here; it wasn’t her fault, it wasn’t her doing.

With a jerk of his hand, Anton allowed the newborns to leap into the pit. They almost carried her with them, but Bella stood firm. There were several newborns per human - that’s why they needed multiple lots. It was a brutal way to die. It was hard to ignore the screams.

Anton herded his three extra humans towards her, looking into the pit with practiced indifference.

“You’ll be partakin’ this time, I take it?”

She just nodded, taking the arm of the human he pushed towards her with a gentle hand.

“Just shove it in the pit when you’re done.”

She stared straight forwards, not able to look her quivering victim in the face.

She was a good person, she had control, she had kept her humanity. This was necessary, this was unavoidable. If she didn’t do this, she would most likely die.

_ “You are my heart and soul. My world begins and ends with you. Live, my love. Just stay alive for me. I’m begging you.” _

She didn’t have a choice, she told herself as she bit down into her victim’s soft neck.

But deep down she knew.  _ Of course, she did. _

The drained body fell into the pit with a thump, and snarls surged as the newborns tried to scavenge any drops of blood left over. Bella was fairly certain she had left none.

She flexed the edges of her shield, more defined and infinitely more controllable. The human blood had done its job, giving her strength and drowning that monster inside of her...for the time being.

She made her way back to her perch in the tree, to close her eyes and wait until Peter and Jasper came back. Peter would most likely bring a rabbit or something, wriggling in his stone hands, expecting her to be starving still. She would keep up what she was doing before, of course, to conserve as much energy as possible. She would try not to kill anyone else. She would try her best.

_ “Belle?” _

She huffed. Of course Anton came back, of course he did.

“Yes?”

“Maria wants to see you.”

“Okay,” She sighed and steeled her hold over her shield. “I’m coming.”

“Now.”

Bella heaved herself off the branch and trekked across the camp to Maria’s tent, avoiding the growling and scrabbling that still came from the feeding pit.

Maria turned when she lingered in the entrance. “Belle! It has been too long since we talked!”

Her words were friendly enough, but there was a hard edge to her voice now. Bella realised with a jolt that Anton must have told her what they talked about five days before. She had accepted that this would be a possibility, of course. But knowing that your survival is only based on your usefulness was an unnerving experience. Bella could feel, as she walked further into the tent, that if she didn’t have a shield - she would be dead.

But that wasn’t the only thing she felt. There was a familiar sensation on her shoulders, like a tentative push. Bella scourged her mind as to where she had felt it before, then she realised. She had felt this when she first met Maria, that first day in the camp. As she walked away she had felt something pushing against her shield and trying to get through. She had thought it was Anton, but she was wrong. It was Maria.

That familiar pushing hit her again, but it wasn't stopped by her ever-present shield. It sailed right on under it, hit her in the heart and spread all over her body.

Maria shook her raven mane out over her shoulder and placed a hand on the soft curve of her hip.

“So,” She chimed. “Dear Anton told me you partook in the feeding just now!”

Bella lowered her head in respect, but couldn’t bear to fully draw her eyes away. “Yes, Ma’am. Animal blood just wasn’t enough for me anymore.”

“Well, I respect that. But…” Maria sighed. “I am sad I didn’t get to see. You were so beautiful last time, so animalistic... So feral!”

Sadness cut Bella through the chest like a knife. She had been so thoughtless, so immature. She hadn’t thought of anyone’s needs other than her own. Selfish. How could she not have thought that Maria would have wanted to watch? Did she not owe her for taking her in?

“I...I’m so sorry, Ma’am!” Bella gasped. “I didn’t think! Please, how can I make it up to you?”

Maria’s mouth opened, but she remained silent. Her gaze flickered to Anton, then back to Bella, then back to Anton, then back to Bella again. Her ruby eyes sparkled and full lips spread over white teeth in a delighted grin.

She looked at Bella like she had never seen her before. “Oh my Belle!” She cupped Bella’s cheek in her hand, Bella leaned into the contact. “You are so darling to be so distressed. Don’t you worry, I’m sure you can make it up to me!”

“Thank you, Ma’am…”

“Here, come sit by me sweet girl.” Maria sat herself on a high back chair in the centre of the room; her throne.

Bella sat on the packed dirt floor before her. Maria lowered a hand to play with the younger vampire’s hair.

“Now, Belle.” Maria teased her hands through Bella’s knotted hair, combing it and smoothing it until the girl purred. “You and Peter spend an awful lot of time together up in the treetops. I must say I have been feeling rather neglected.”

Bella gasped and tried to stand and apologise, but Maria’s soothing hands kept her down.

“Shhhh, my girl.” She cooed. “It will all be okay. I just need to know one thing. What is it that you and Peter talk about up there? You’re always whispering about this and that, as if you are making grand plans. What are they?”

“Um…” Bella desperately wanted to tell her. She could never deny her lady anything. But would telling her upset her more? Bella didn’t know what she had been thinking, plotting to leave Maria. Obviously those plans were at an end, but if Maria were to know of them it would break her heart. Bella needed to keep them a secret and hope that Peter would understand.

“Just tell me, my darling.” Maria prompted. “I won’t be upset. I promise.”

“Well…”

_ “Bella!” _

Bella flinched. She had been so focussed on Maria that her surroundings had faded away. She turned and saw Jasper at the entrance to the tent, his eyes wide with horror. She frowned for a moment, what right did he have to look so upset? He sat like this with Maria all the time. A surge of jealousy rose up. Was he trying to take this away from her?

Jasper made a strangled noise and something in her struggled back. She was supposed to be shielding him, wasn’t she? She wasn’t sure what for. The only thing she was fairly certain of was that it was to do with whatever she and Peter had been planning against Maria. So shielding him must be the wrong thing to do. But Jasper looked like he was suffering and something deep inside her howled at the thought.

She held on to Maria’s hand for strength and stretched her shield out over him. Every inch was slow, but eventually it covered him fully and his whole body uncoiled in relief.

Maria was getting impatient. “Major. What the hell are you doing? What do you want?”

“I’m sorry Ma’am, it’s just…” Jasper paused for a second, growls and snaps and snarls grew behind him. “Somethin’s got the newborns riled up real good and my gift isn’t cuttin’ it to calm them down. I was wonderin’ if Anton and  _ Belle _ could back me up out here.”

Maria huffed. “Anton yes, but not Belle. Belle shall stay with me.”

Jasper looked pained but gave a short bow. “Yes Ma’am.”

Bella tilted her head back into Maria’s hand with a contented sigh. Then she realised someone was looking at her from the doorway. It was Peter, who she absolutely couldn’t be near if she were ever to earn Maria’s trust again. Yet still, there was this deep need inside of her to protect him from something.

She took her shield where it was still attached to Jasper and slowly spread it over Peter as well. He gave her a sharp grin and a wink when she was done.

“Now, my Belle… Where were we?” Maria combed through her hair again. “Ah yes, you were telling me all about what you and Peter get up to.”

She should really just tell her, Bella thought. The only way to truly earn Maria’s trust was to be trustworthy. She couldn’t start any kind of worthy relationship with this woman that was based on lies. She owed it to her to tell the truth, apologise for her mistakes and ask if they could start again.

Before Bella could open her mouth to speak, there was a spectacular ripping noise and a newborn flew through the side of the tent; straight into the chair Maria was sitting in. It sent her clattering to the ground with a growl.

Bella jumped up, snarl at her lips, ready to maul the bastard that had done this. But someone came up behind her, clamped her arms to her sides and pulled her backwards as Maria stormed from the tent in front of her.

Maria shouted at the angry horde but they just got louder. Bella struggled in her captor’s arms, her lady was surely in danger out there.

She was pulled backwards out of the empty tent and into the treeline, struggling all the way. Her captor let her go, only to grab her shoulders and spin her to face him. Peter, of course it was.

“Put your shield down.” He ordered.

“What?” Bella gasped. “No. Don’t we need it up for Anton or something?”

“Anton’s distracted.” He nodded to where the lieutenant was ripping newborns limb from limb and roaring like a lion. “You can put it down, just for a sec.”

“No…” Bella had no idea why she didn’t want the shield back down, but there was a voice in her head screaming that it needed to stay up.

“Bella!” Peter shook her. “Remember why you are here! You need to put your shield down to remove Maria’s influence on you! Now!”

How ridiculous. Bella's feelings were her own. Maria would never do such a thing.

“Maria isn’t influencing me!” She scoffed.

“Then it won’t hurt to put it down!” Peter responded. “Just for a moment! If nothin’ happens then no harm done.”

Bella grumbled and slid her eyes shut to get a handle on her shield. It was stretched in front of her over Peter and about a quarter of a mile to the left, over Jasper. The whole thing was suspended over her head, held up by the might of her mind. Although, holding her shield up felt distinctly easier. It was as if there were something else there, in Bella's mind. Some presence that wanted that shield up and off her, something that was taking the load off Bella herself.

With a wince, she pushed that presence aside and let go, and the thing came slamming back down over her eyes. Her ears rang and head wobbled like she had whiplash. The shield stammered, but she maintained the cover over Peter and Jasper. Then the clarity hit.

Oh… Her eyes shot to Peter’s. That’s what Maria’s gift felt like.

He looked almost as if he was scared of her. “You okay?”

“Yeah…” She massaged her temples. She was exhausted, even though she felt better than she had in a long time with her belly full of blood and shield in her own head. There was a particularly loud whine behind them. “Is there a full-on war happening behind us?”

“Jasper did a little messin’ with everyone’s emotions.” Peter grabbed her shoulder and pulled her to his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and held tight. “You have a couple’a minutes to catch your breath before he needs to cool it down and Anton won’t be so distracted anymore.”

Bella sighed and relaxed in her friend’s embrace. She would savour this moment of peace and ease, since she wasn’t sure when she would get the next one.

Only one thing was certain. She couldn’t keep this up for much longer.


	17. Atrophy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I'm so excited. Like I'm so excited omg. Guys. GUYS.
> 
> Unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own!

The only reason that Bella wasn’t dead was because she was useful. She knew it, Jasper and Peter knew it, Anton knew it; even the newborns knew, if the looks they had been giving her meant anything. 

Maria had realized that she was up to something. Their battle of wits had grown into an all out war. They were in a standoff. Bella sat to the side, slowly deconstructing the foundations of Maria’s operations. Maria stood at the head, cutting off Bella’s access to blood until she slipped and showed her hand. 

In the week since Bella’s last meal, the camp had had two feeds. Particularly generous. But, because Maria was feeling so ‘generous’ they had taken place in human settlements. Bella had managed to justify drinking human blood to herself. She could disassociate from it when the victim had been clinically brought to her, but hunting humans in their own homes? Watching the carnage and the pain and the screaming as parents were forced to watch their children be cut down in front of them? Families torn apart, homes burned down. She couldn’t do it. She also had a feeling that Maria knew that.

It was a challenge. If Bella wanted to feed, she had to do it on Maria’s terms. 

At least she still had the control to stick to the few morals she had left. 

One week of holding her shield up and extending it to Jasper and Peter meant that she burned all over. It didn’t matter how controlled she was, if a human came within hearing distance of her they would be dead in an instant. She couldn’t comprehend anymore, she couldn’t focus on anything but the burning and the vague outlines of the two beings her shield was stretched over. She was so far gone she couldn't even understand that. 

She didn’t even realise Jasper was saying her name until he shook her arm. His ruby eyes were wide, terrified; and she couldn’t work out why. What could possibly scare him so much?

“Oh fuck, Bella. What are you doin’ to yourself?”

He scooped her up off her branch, bridal style, and held her close as he ran away from the sound of the rabble. Her satchel was left behind in the tree. Bella frowned, not used to movement.

“Wait, I need to keep track of Peter…”

“He’s goin’ out to feed, don’t worry.”

Jasper carried her to a clearing a small distance away. Bella could still hear the rabble of the newborns behind them faint in the distance. He set her gently on the floor, guiding her back to rest against a wide tree trunk. 

He murmured, “Stay there.” Then he was gone. 

Bella let her eyes slide shut again, and focussed on his energy under her shield. He was darting around in circles like he had no idea what he was looking for. Eventually he left the reach of her shield and it snapped back to her. 

So she sat there alone, waiting for something. Or nothing. She almost lacked the energy to ponder what was happening; why she had been moved to a clearing and what she was waiting for, or why she was waiting for it. 

When Jasper finally came back he threw something large and heavy at her feet. Her brain wasn’t cognizant enough to understand what it was, but what she could understand was the smell of rapidly cooling blood. 

She pounced before her brain could register the movement. Although she gagged at the rancid taste and the unpleasant feeling of fur in her mouth, her body sang for finally receiving sustenance.

The blood was gone in a matter of seconds and she could finally see clearly again. She pulled back and took note of her surroundings; the animal was a coyote, they were a mile away from camp, it was just past noon and drizzling, Jasper stood in front of her; his nose was wrinkled. 

“I don’t know how that takes the place of human blood.” He said. “I tried some when I caught it and it was disgustin’.”

Bella stared at him. Sure enough his eyes were that little bit brighter, as if a hint of amber had been injected into the deep red. She was struggling to believe that he actually tried animal blood without being asked or even encouraged to. She had been so careful with her diet, never extolling the virtues of it or really mentioning it unless she had to. She had been told that nobody would appreciate being reminded of the immorality of drinking from humans and took it to heart - she never mentioned it. Other than the time that Jasper asked, of course. To think that he voluntarily did it, while catching something to help her. She looked at him and finally truly saw the Jasper she had always known. 

“It used to...” She eventually stammered out. “... take the place of human blood, I mean. But I don’t think it does anymore.”

A wave of emotion hit her from his direction, her head hurt and tears pricked at her eyes. Sadness. He understood what this meant to her, he understood that she was forever changed. 

“I know I’ve said this before… But I hope whoever you’re lookin’ for it worth it.”

She met his eyes and felt the prickle of fear he was projecting. Some part of him had worked it out, she could tell. She understood him as he understood her. He knew how important he was to her, he had a feeling he’d worked it out. 

She held his gaze and spoke clearly, and with as much conviction as she could muster.

“He is.”

He looked to the sky, gulped (actually gulped) and exhaled a shaky breath. 

“I’ll get you another one.”

She thanked his retreating form and was gifted with another, much larger coyote thirty minutes later. This one was alive, with its legs carefully broken so it couldn’t struggle so much. Although Jasper’s shirt was practically shredded from the effort. She greatly appreciated the thought and tried to project that to him as she latched onto the creature’s neck. It tasted so much better than the last one that she could almost ignore that it wasn’t what she really wanted. 

She checked her shield when she pulled back from the empty carcass. Yep, still up high above her head. Jasper stood a few feet in front of her, his lip caught between his teeth. He released it and straightened when he saw her looking at him.

“I know what you did.” He said.

“What do you mean?”

“With Anton. You made him stop trackin’ me.”

“Did Peter tell you?”

“No, I knew the second you did it.” He rubbed the back of his neck, the exact place where Bella’s throbbed. “The pain went away. I’d been feelin’ it constantly since he cornered me a couple’a months ago, accused me of bein’ too attached to you and Peter. He thought I’d lost sight of what really mattered.”

“... Maria?” Bella asked in a small voice.

He ignored her. “You didn’t do it by convincin’ him to track you did ya? Is that why you’ve got your shield up? It’s killin’ ya, Bella. You can’t keep doin’ this.”

“I have to.” She smiled a grim smile. “I’ll keep it up as long as necessary.”

“You’re puttin’ yourself in danger!” He snapped. “Maria has noticed the change in your behaviour, Bella. She’s suspicious. It’s too dangerous for you here, you need to get out while you still can.”

_ She’d heard that before. _

“You’re right.” She said. “I do need to get out as soon as possible. But I’m not leaving without you.”

He glared at her, torment clear on his face. “I’ve been thinkin’ about it. Havin’ Maria’s influence taken off me was a shock and I will leave one day. But I don’t know what’s out there, I don’t know who I am outside of this place. I need time, Bella. Time you don’t have.”

“Then I’ll wait.” 

“Bella…”

“No.” She rose to her full height to stand with him on equal ground. “I will stay here for years. I will keep doing this until I wither away and atrophy. I don’t care. I will not leave you here.”

The anger drained out of him. They stood three feet apart, but with a step he closed the gap and slowly reached across to her. His hand hovered over her cheek, as if he yearned to touch it. She felt the shadow of his fingertips over her cheekbones and her eyes fluttered closed of their own volition.

“Bells…” He whispered. “You can’t-”

_ “Major!” _

Maria’s voice came hurtling from the camp towards them, and Jasper stumbled back as if it hit him. 

“We’ve been away for too long…” He murmured.

_ “Belle!”  _ The warlord called.  _ “Where are you my loves?” _

“C’mon.” Jasper grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a run towards the camp. “She can’t think we’re up to anythin’.”

“... Are we?” Bella asked.

He spared her a glance. “Like I told you. I just need time… For your sake, I’ll try to be quick.”

Maria stood in front of her tent, statuesque in front of a crowd of newborns staring at her in adoration. Peter was among them, but gasped and ducked away once Bella pulled her shield over him. 

That took her attention, until she felt that gentle push on her shoulder. She slammed the shield down so hard her vision flickered, Jasper jolted beside her like he felt it too.

She noticed Anton snarling in the corner of her eye, his glare trained on her. Doing that pissed him off. Maria too by the looks of things, she was frowning like she’d expected Bella to fawn over her again. 

Her attention snapped to the Major. “Where were you? I needed you.”

“I’m sorry Ma’am.” He and Bella bowed their heads in respect. “I took Bella huntin’.”

“You  _ what? _ ”

The venom in her tone was biting, her eyes burned holes into the two friends. She zipped forward and appeared before Jasper with a snarl, grasped his chin between her pointed fingers and pulled it down to her level. 

“You smell disgusting.” She growled. “And your eyes are different.”

“I…”

“You drank animal blood.  _ Didn’t you!” _

Before he could respond, her hand shot from his chin to his neck and she shoved him backwards. He went flying backwards into a tree meters away and didn’t make an effort to land on his feet.

Bella opened her mouth to speak, but a warning glance from him shut her up. 

He knelt on the ground and closed his eyes, his hands open palms up on the ground and his neck tilted far to the side. Maria could kill him so easily. That was the point.

“I’m so sorry, Ma’am.” He whispered towards the ground. “I was curious. What can I do to make this up to you?”

“Get up.”

He scrambled to his feet and found his chin grasped by Maria again. She wrenched his head to the side, forcing him to look at Bella.

“She has corrupted you.” She growled. “I will not put up with it any longer. We don’t need her.”

“Ma’am?”

“You want to make it up to me?” She squeezed his face hard enough for cracks to appear on his jaw. Bella tensed at the sight, he barely winced.

“Kill her.”

“What?” He gasped.

“You heard me.” Maria smirked and shoved him to the floor. “Kill her.”

“But… but Ma’am please…” He stammered, fear projected off him in waves. “What about her shield? We can’t kill Johan without her.”

The warlord raised an eyebrow. “And that’s your answer? How disappointing.”

Bella was frozen to the spot, transfixed by Jasper’s distress on the ground. When she met Maria’s ice cold glare, it slowly transitioned into a smooth smile. 

“It’s been lovely getting to know you, Belle.” She made a gesture behind her that had Anton trotting up towards them. “But I think our time together is at an end.”

She turned to the rabble of newborns behind her.  _ “Kill her.” _

Many things happened at once. Jasper screamed and was tackled by Anton. Maria ducked to the side away from the horde moving behind her. They advanced on Bella with snarling mouths and grabbing hands.

She couldn’t fight them off. There were far too many and they were all stronger than her. She had to get some distance between her and the horde and run.

_ Keep a clear head, dodge, get to high ground. _

The blood in her system and shield in her own head let her think so much more quickly. She turned on her heel and raced towards the tree line. 

She had an advantage, but some of the faster ones still caught up. Clawed fingers reached for her back and hair, which in a moment of foresight she grabbed and pulled around to the front.

She doubled down on her speed but was reaching her limit. Hands connected to thick arms reached around either side of her.

_ Don’t let them get their arms around you. _

She abruptly ducked down again and plunged her elbow into the newborn’s groin. A cheap shot that worked on vampires as it did on humans. The man stumbled back into the crowd of snarling masses, some fighting each other in the haze of the battle as they fought to get to her.

She shot up and without hesitating  _ leapt _ away from the swarm. As she shot herself into the air she noticed Jasper was being restrained by Anton, he stared up at her in horror. 

Some of the newborns jumped to follow her, but with her split second advantage she dove into a tree and sprang from branch to branch away from the camp. 

Just running wouldn’t work, they were too fast. Her mind was her advantage.

The newborns were confused. With the spring leaves they struggled to see her and the scents in the camp were so strong that they couldn’t locate her by scent. They absolutely could not hear her through the racket they were making. 

She focussed on running as fast as she could, not losing her footing. She got some distance from the camp before she found the tree she was leaping from was falling from under her, then the next one, then the next, then the next. Someone was felling them. 

Bella couldn’t move any faster. When the tree she had just landed on crumbled beneath her the only place to go was down. She angled herself to land on her feet and span as she did. Her legs tensed and knees bent and she sprang back into a run.

But something stopped her.

A shot of fire ran through her forearm as a set of teeth sank into it. She swallowed a scream and turned to fight off her assailant, but only served to give them leverage as they tore her lower arm off at the elbow. 

Her mind went white in pain and rage. Her vision blurred through venom and she couldn’t stop the growling cry that came out of her. The parts of her brain that weren’t blinded by sheer panic noticed that she knew the girl who had ripped her arm off. She had turned the girl who ripped her arm off. The rest of her just focussed on backhanding that girl and sending her hurtling through the trees. 

Bella made a split second decision and raced towards her arm. A one armed vampire did not survive very long, and she had a long time to go until her task was done. 

It was a stupid mistake, she realised as the growling got louder and the horde came back into view. Her arm had been thrown directly towards them.

This was it, she could either lose her arm or lose her life. 

It didn’t matter. Strong arms clenched on either side of her and though she struggled she couldn’t get out of his grip without both arms. She was pulled up to the man’s chest, braced herself for a crushing death, then sailed through the air.

_ What? _

She opened her eyes to look at the scene disappearing behind her. It was Peter. He had picked her up and thrown her. He was rapidly disappearing through the trees, but she could hear the advancing crowd of newborns behind him.

She had to land silently. She turned in midair and aimed towards a gap in the trees. She hit the ground and rolled without knocking into any trees. The assailants she could hear were coming from the south, so she recalled her escape plan and headed west.

Her shield had fallen from Jasper and Peter as soon as she was attacked, but she could still sense Peter behind her; running with a dozen newborns on his tail.

What if they killed him? Did he just sacrifice himself for her? 

She resisted the urge to turn around and help him. There was nothing she could really do.

Venom was weeping from the wound on her arm and weakened her with every drop, but there wasn’t time to dwell on it. She ran as fast as she could, even as that got slower and slower as time went on. 

They were advancing on her again. They weren’t quite headed in the right direction, but they were definitely getting closer. She couldn’t outrun them, it was impossible. 

_ Use your head, use your head... _

She did what she did best. She jumped into the tallest tree she could see and clambered up to the tallest branch. It wasn’t a perfect plan, anyone who knew what they were doing would easily be able to find her through scent alone. She was leaking venom everywhere. But this was all she had. She went statue still and deathly silent, waiting for the newborns to either find her or run past her. 

Peter ran towards her, the newborns still on his tail. She clenched her teeth and screwed her eyes shut. This was her worst nightmare. She didn’t dare think of what was happening to Jasper. 

To her surprise, he stopped in his tracks and the group following stopped too. 

“I smell her!” He announced. “Over there!”

They weren’t chasing him, he was leading them. 

For half a second Bella panicked. Maybe Maria had gotten to him while he was unshielded and he had turned on her. But when the newborns started running again, they ran in the wrong direction. 

Bella climbed down from her perch on the tree to meet Peter standing below it. His hair was wild and eyes black with adrenaline. In his hands he clutched her severed arm. 

“Come on.” He grabbed her hand. “We have to run.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR SO LONG OMG. I HOPE IT LIVED UP TO EXPECTATIONS!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


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